live.love.laugh.

a dedication to my baby bro

2011-09-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

haha mesti aiman marah dapat title *babybro*..adeh..we are missing you so much adik..Allah knows how much..;)

so for this entry i would like to dedicate it especially to you..

i could still recall the day when you were born..it was in the month of june and i was in my standard 4..we used to go to school with this arwah makcik mah yg mak ayah bayar to send and pick us up from school who lives near our house..so on the way back we actually went to the hospital to pick you and mak as at that juncture of time ayah was away for a meeting in kuala lumpur..i could remember mak being in pain for quite some time and the delivery was quite hard for her but hey..she got you in the end so it was worth the pain;)

when we went back home your abg din (who was 5 years old at that time and sgt manja) was there with his masam face..so the moment we took his bakul pakaian to put his clothes away and put yours in (the new baby in the house ahahaha) he ran to makcik ani's house and cried his heart out adeh sedih pulak ingat balik..he felt left out i guess lagi2 ayah pun was away so he had no one to turn to and be hugged and soothed;)

so after one or two days mcm tu and when ayah was still away and he was getting back home from his meeting we got a call from ayah saying that he had gotten the opportunity to go further his studies abroad..i was quite small (ceh perasan nampak sgt tak matang) so i don't really get too excited but i could feel the small adrenaline as i get to travel far and be on an aeroplane for the very first time in my life ;)..so with that ayah came back and we named you aiman which means yang bertuah..and you seemed to be very lucky as when people started coming to our house a few days before we flew off to england (there were lots of them) people tend to give you money (which is kelantan people punye custom whenever we visit babies if tak bagi hadiah mesti bagi duit) and your money was so very the many!how cool is that kan..mmg bertuah adik kaklong sorg ni..hehe..alhamdulillah..kene dgn nama yg mak ayah pilih..

so off we went to newcastle upon tyne which was berbelas hours punye journey..we took a plane to heathrow and later we got onto a smaller plane off to newcastle..it was very tiring and we suffered great jet lag but things over there were breathtakingly beautiful although it was a bit cold.it was autumn when we arrived.so adik mea,you may not remember much what we did and where we went while we were there but there was one moment which i remembered the most as it was a really sad and difficult time for me..it was when adik ibrahim died in mak's tummy just as he was gonna meet us..so mak and ayah had to be in the hospital as mak had to deliver arwah adik ibrahim just as if he was going to be born like the usual..so kakngah, adik din, you and me had to stay at makcik hendon's house just in front of ours at that time..and that night you cried like crazy everybody including makcik hendon's family and other malaysian families yg berdekatan who came to stay at makcik hendon's house to be with us got really worried and we tried everything to make you stop..sampailah i can't remember which makcik who asked us to wrap you up with kain sarung batik mak..and you stopped crying and later ayah came back telling us everything was alright with tears in his eyes..i remember i cried hard that time thinking how we missed mak and that we had lost adik ibrahim..but i know he'll be waiting for mak and ayah later so we got on and he is missed every now and then;) you were such a cute little baby when we were living in england as you would have this pink chubby cheek..sgt comel..and mmglah if we are living in the UK our skin akan jadi sgt cantik wuwu..

so a few years have passed and you've grown up to be a cute little boy and i could still remember your kindergarten years..we had only one car at that moment and mak didn't have her driving licence yet so every morning (okay rase nak nangis) mak would carry you on the back of her bicycle (yg ade raga kat depan) up to the main road, and then ride a bus and drop you off kat kindergarten tu..huhu..nilai kasih sayang seorang mak kan..and yet we still make her sad at times wuwu..

so time moved fast and one moment you're in your prefect outfit having a blast during your primary school years and one moment you're all chubby and then got thinner when you were in sic and one moment you were independently living your life in mrsm kuantan..you got thinner and taller..and further away from us..like now..adeh *sobsob*

well adik mea, it has been great and will always be great to watch what you do and encounters that you come upon while living your life. you made great friends who are so close to you (and that you guys make an awesome band!) that they sanggup hantar you at the airport when you were flying off at three in the morning with their smiling face, warm hugs and loving pats of the back when they were saying their last goodbyes..i could still remember me hugging you tightly and hearing you say 'jgn mcm ni long jgn mcm ni long i'm trying my best ni long not to cry'..it was hard for me to say goodbye because i really feel that you are not old enough to go venture yourself to the outside world full of strangers and to a place you've never been before..will you adapt well will you have good friends will you eat well will you be strong enough to face any hardships which would come in your way?it breaks my heart to recently heard that your abang din actually faced quite difficulties when tsunami hit japan..it breaks my heart to face the fact that my two younger baby brothers are far away and that when you needed us we could not be there physically with you;( *sobsoblagi*..)

well, if i could, i'd like to have all my adik2 to be near me which is impossible lah kan..dah rezeki adik2 kaklong yang ditetapkan oleh Allah and itulah yang terbaik utk adik mea sendiri..i am missing you so much that i tend to regret for not spending more time with you..i love you so much..i hope you'll be just fine there protected by Allah..i hope you will remember all of our pesanan and yes insyaAllah i will upload the 'video' for you soon;)..

adik, take care, ingat Allah, jgn tinggal solat..keep us posted okay?i love you.

lots of love;
your one and only kaklong.

second baby tralala

2011-09-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

this entry is inspired by iva's blog entitled third baby something something (could not remember the post when writing this). i've got quite a number of questions in relations to my second baby..well the answer is i am dying to have one. i would like to have another baby so much that it hurts a bit to see other people holding babies snuggling warmly in their arms. i miss the days when i could feel the little one kicking inside of me, the look and attention i'd get from others just because i'm having this huge tummy..i'd like to have another child blessed by Allah, for us to nurture him or her to be a good muslim, a good child and with charateristics that we could be proud of.senang kate sejuk perut ibu mengandung. we are still having great and fabulous adventure of being the best parent we could be for our darling aqil whom we love so much Allah knows how much that it brings tears to my eyes when i think of how much i love him. in fact both suami tersayang and i had shed quite bucket full of tears for aqil just because we love him so much (tetibe pening dgn the phrase so much). in seeing, helping and nurturing aqil to be his true self and practising whats best for him for now in this world and in the hereafter, we stumble and fall and fail few times and we regreted for the mistakes we did, are doing and will be doing but hey..we are human beings and whatever happens no other love can put away our love for our son aqil. except for Allah yang sememangnya maha menyayangi..

having a second baby would be a true blessing as you can never exchange the feelings and happiness of being a parent with anything in this world..having another small cuddly human being calling you 'mom' 'ibu' and sometimes 'yang' 'sayang' (when copying the father calling the mother by the name) is something that soothes your heart..you'll feel as if you had your dreams coming true and etc..having them hugging and kissing you with no reason ( i do get that nowadays more than from en suami which i joke to him a lot on that matter and he admits he gets the same from aqil (more) too hahaha i love you sayang)..having the little one come running to you just because kene marah by any of us (marah2 sayang) or most of the time when i marah2 aqil would come clinging at me adeh cair hati ibu sayang..my sister would always marah and menyampah saying 'la tadi marah lepas tu hug2 kiss2 pulak kaklong kaklong' hehe..wait till you yourself be a mom yang'..

up until now i am still not proud of my parenting skills cause i know i have flaws and there are soo many young parents out there who seem to be doing very well with their parenting job huhu..so that brings me to a question whether if i am given the chance to have another baby does that make me to a better parent along the way?huhu..can i be better for both aqil and the new little one?will i be able to complete my semesters if i'm blessed with another baby? how are we gonna cope with the new baby my studies aqil and the fact that i either had to leave the baby to mak or abang alone with aqil tagging along?will i have enough money time and love and affection to be divided on all of my priorities?will i face more pains and strecthes and stiches when delivering? will i can i??

more questions. questions. and questions. yes that is me. a human being trying to be a better muslim, wifey, mother and daughter, sister and friend. always with questions and excuses. always. neglecting the fact that it is Allah who knows what is best for us. neglecting the fact that every child comes with rezeki from Allah. neglecting the fact that every problem had a solution. neglecting the fact that avery hardships faced will teach you to be a better person inside and out. neglecting the fact that everything would eventually be alright as you have your loved ones with you. neglecting the fact that when you are in an uphill battle and you are facing the toughest times of your life, you have Allah to turn to, helping to ease your worries and sorrows.

well, to sum up, insyaAllah we are ready for a second baby. if Allah blesses us with one, Alhamdulillah syukur ya Allah. and if we are not, maybe Allah has a better plan for us. and Alhamdulillah..as each day goes by, i'm ready to 'upgrade' or do things here and there in becoming a better muslim. thank you Allah kerana telah menggerakkan hati hamba Mu ini sedikit demi sedikit..semoga Allah menguatkan hati ini untuk terus mengekalkan ape yang terbaik dan diredhaiMu ya Allah..;)

it's been a while again ey?

2011-09-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

asal nak start writing mesti terfikir ayat it's been a while sebab mmg dah lame tak menulis huhu..hello there..mmg lah it's been a while sgt..as for me..nothing has changed no second baby yet (although i am dying to have one wuwu) more semesters to go belum habis lagi buat masters all of that except for the fact that i'm getting fatter and i am starting to get really fed up of myself meaning that something needs to be done fast especially when your sister's wedding is getting near..bile dah ade wedding ramai yg berkumpul letih nak menjawab soalan sambil terase sorg2 bile orang cakap what happen to you kenape gemuk sangat kenape jadi mcm ni lalalalala.

little aqil (whom i'm gonna have to stop calling him little aqil as he's getting bigger and bigger so fast!) is getting smarter and more independent..i did not foresee that he would grow up into a loving, compassionate and caring person (except for the fact that his toys are his toys and other people's toys are also his toys)..huhu he does not know how to share and am really trying to teach him slowly on that huhu..setiap kali other kids are crying because of little aqil i would feel guilty for not training my little one on giving and sharing blergh. anyway on the good side he's also getting really independent knowing what to do by himself..huhu..but his kemanjaan makin menjadi2 walaupun independent at the same time..of all those things, i love you sayang *hugs and kisses*. and i love you more as now you are slowly replacing 'Mum' to 'Ibu'..hehe..that means a lot sayang..as much as i love the word 'Mum', 'Ibu' has been my dream word since forever bebeh hehe.

september equals to joyful and blissful raya, get together, reunions and all the sweet little things which bring great meanings to my life. however, september is also when my adik man would be flying away and away and my adik din also had gone back to tokyo and am missing him so much already. and september also means there are two months plus2 before ayuni's wedding and things are gonna be hectic because there are a lot of things to do as we decided to do most of the things by ourselves huhahuha..perasan kreatif tapi kami sgt excited!okay tapi rasa sedih sikit isk isk. and my new semester is starting tomorrow adeh sgt demotivated..so on friday before going back home i decided to indulge myself doing things i love going lalalaing at ikea buying things for aqil and hunting for aqil's carseat jugak nak kene tukar baru susah betul nak jumpe yg berkenan adeh..so yes ikeaing without aqil does mean i'm free from running around and it'll be quiet without aqil shrieking and crying his heart out but it'll be no fun..tapi nak pegi juga huhu.

again i really am thankful for all that i have but i am still praying and hoping that Allah will bless our lives with all the things in life..dreams are too many but hopefully Allah will grant one of our dreams whether it is sooner or later..now or never..if it is a 'never' maybe Allah has planned something better..my dreams will always be inside of me..it's never wrong to keep those dreams ey?;)

my bubbly aqil

my life

a reflection

2011-07-28T18:18:00.000-07:00

time flies so fast. we are already reaching August and my new semester is starting soon! oh boleh tak kalau nak kate malas huhu..i love my state of life now spending lots and lots of time with darling aqil and my ridzuan adeh..keep telling him how i wanted to take only classes on friday and thursday so that i can angkut aqil and him with me everytime i attend my classes huhu..

well, a lot had happened. am gaining more weight..aqil had an operation but now he is getting bigger and talks more and more (alhamdulillah)..my little sister is getting married to her childhood sweetheart (isk isk sedih)..my youngest brother is flying away this september(isk isk sedih lagi)..my third brother is coming home for raya (alhamdulillah yeay!)..and i would like to have another baby but shiver at the thought of ulang alik to kl alone with a big bump huhu..deep in my heart i really want another baby..well..let's just leave it to Allah then kan?after all Allah knows whats best for us..

i'm getting older too..and ramadhan will be here soon..hopefully this year we will get more berkat and pahala and will be able to do more amalan and etc. i've set special goals for this ramadhan and hopefully i'll be able to complete them with Allah's will.

come to think of it, throughout our lives, there are always goals and plans being made. but of course Allah yg tentukan semuanye..and seeing how certain things don't go the way we wanted or they did go well and in fact better than we expected them to be, it makes us to be amazed at how Allah work things out for us. amazed, but i sometimes am not living as a good muslim, practising whatever i should be. alhamdulillah solat 5 waktu yes checked but did i do good in the five acts of my everyday life up until now?the solat hajat, solat tahajud, solat dhuha,the increasing pages of al-quran recitation everytime, going to more ceramah agama etc..those are my goals but haven't yet been achieved.

reflection, reflection, reflection. up until now, i feel like i haven't really been a good wife, daughter, mother, sister and friend and most importantly sebagai hamba Allah. starting things anew for this ramadhan and for the months to come (don't wanna just be good during ramadhan but after the month ends jadi kureng balik nauzubillah)..Ya Allah..guide me please?will my goal for this one be achieved? well, it is up to Allah..and my usaha as well..amin..

Jika tiba bulan Ramadhan, maka dibuka pintu-pintu syurga dan ditutup pintu-pintu neraka dan dibelenggu semua syaitan (HR. Bukhari dan Muslim).

"bulan Ramadhan, bulan yang di dalamnya diturunkan Al Quran sebagai petunjuk bagi manusia dan penjelasan-penjelasan mengenai petunjuk itu dan pembeda (antara yang hak dan yang bathil). Karena itu, barangsiapa di antara kamu hadir (di negeri tempat tinggalnya) di bulan itu, m...aka hendaklah ia berpuasa pada bulan itu, dan barangsiapa sakit atau dalam perjalanan (lalu ia berbuka), maka (wajiblah baginya berpuasa), sebanyak hari yang ditinggalkannya itu, pada hari-hari yang lain. Allah menghendaki kemudahan bagimu, dan tidak menghendaki kesukaran bagimu. Dan hendaklah kamu mencukupkan bilangannya dan hendaklah kamu mengagungkan Allah atas petunjuk-Nya yang diberikan kepadamu, supaya kamu bersyukur" [2:185]

(copied and pasted from AMIR Japan)

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan everyone..

my true first love

2011-06-29T22:51:00.000-07:00

the first time i saw your face, you were covered with slimy white fat all over and was crying with your blue turning red face (as you were stucked for quite a while in the 'alley' as ibu faced quite a hard time pushing hehe)..i felt numb at that time due to the pain of pushing and i even passes out for a few seconds. but as i began coming into reality, i started to realize that your ayag was crying besides me telling me 'anak kite sayang anak kite sayang' and your nenek and mama came inside crying i then began to realise that you have arrived into this world to be with us and i began crying thanking Allah for the pain and the joy your bring. alhamdulillah..

now you are 2 years old sayang..time flies so fast and i fail to not being able to forget the days when i get to cuddle you as a baby.i miss the 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 and etc month of you.i miss your cooing and humming.aishh..i love you sayang..

well, just to note how you had to undergo a serious situation days before you turn 2. my heart was ripped and torn seeing you suffering from the agonizing pain. i never failed to ask for Allah to move the pain to me. but alhamdulillah, you were being very strong and you managed to overcome the difficult moments. i was strong because of you and your ayah. i could still remember on the night back from the kuantan specialist, with us knowing that you were in serious condition and we had to rush back to kota bharu for you to get warded, i was sitting in the back seat and your ayah was besides me and you were sleeping on your ayah's lap. i was crying uncontrollably because in my heart i knew that this thing about you was big and i just could not take it at that time. your ayah held out his hand and squeezed my hand tight and said to me'jgn nangis yang. it's gonna be alright. abang ade'. and he has tears dwelled up in his eyes. i cried even worse. but i grew stronger in my heart. deep down. but i want you to know that your ayah too cried hard. he stayed cool when we were on our way to the operation theatre. but then, when he assisted you into the pre-operation room and hold you until you were being put to sleep, he came out sobbing. those moments were tough for us sayang.

well, your ibu and ayah learned a lot of things from what the three of us had to go through for the past few weeks.Allah destined you to be sick and opened up our eyes on many things. we reflected back and we could see the things that we did wrongly and the good things that we did not do. we could see the real true friends who would ask about how you are doing everyday and came to see you despite their busy schedule and setbacks as compared to those who live nearby by do not even bother to come visit you. i don't really mind, but deep down in my heart it made me a bit sad. but on top of all that, you are healthy now and that's enough. but as stressed by your ayah, we should not do whatever that other people do to us (bad and hurtful things). we should learn from it and do not do what those people do to other people that we love. so that is why we still went to visit your aunty miza although you were having a fever at that time because we did not have any other time to go. although your aunty miza was fully recovered and can walk around laughing after the operation a month ago, we should visit her to show we care and love her. alhamdulillah, your fever lasted for only two days. can you see how Allah loves us sayang?;)

alhamdulillah, those things make us to be better people. we must always remember that Allah will not make us face hardships that we cannot handle. we learn from what Allah has put us through. it changes a few things inside us.

and you, you are growing stronger and wiser each day. remember that we love you so much no matter what okay? we love you so much.

he's back

2011-05-09T07:47:00.000-07:00

finally, after four days being away from us, my sayang has come back home.

i never thought i would miss you so much

our little bundle of joy misses you heaps too;)

thank you for the small act of love that you brought home. i love you*_*'

cooking for my boys

2011-05-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

truth be told, my husband and i were quite sad mushy mosh, not being able to go back to our hometown due to certain setbacks. ;) with that, i tried doing things (which my husband tend to be like ya Allah apa dia sayang ni) miu miu and finally yesterday i decided to cook him and little aqil of course a special meal for dinner. oh diri ini sgt bangga dgn diri sendiri sebab dapat buat suami and anak kenyang and selepas beberape kali bertanya sedap tak abang sedap tak abang dan suami yg mula meluat jawab sedap sedap (added with the fact that he's actually hungry) begitu juga dgn aqil yg cakap sedap sedap mom diri ini sungguh bahagia.;)

tada.....!
chicken chopppp with black pepper saucey yummy! i took and adapted the recipe from my resipi website.

my husbandku kechentaan ku punye dish..the side dishes are baked beans, fries and homemade coleslaw.

this is mine without the black pepper sauce with homemade potato salad, coleslaw, baked beans and fries.

the recipe was very easy peasy to make..will share it later if anyone requested. sekarang sgt mengantuk sudah. today had a small get together with my family in jerantut whom i love so much. tapi lupe nak tangkap gambar wuwu.

night2.

i heart weekends

2011-05-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

my sunshine - waking up at 7 - saturday morning

this is the face i would wake up to every morning.

with this gift from Allah, and the chance to open up my eyes, smelling the refreshing morning air and be with my loved ones.

who will not love weekends?

loving what you do

2011-04-25T22:12:00.000-07:00

as a normal human being, (chewaah skema sgt introductionnye) we tend to easily be bored with what we do (our job). added with other burdens and paperwork, lagilah. that is why it hurts a bit when i once was thrown away with words 'ala cikgu senang je. balik tengahari. takde ape dah. cuti banyak.

the reality, we have a huge amount of tasks to complete and human beings to care for.we have to think of whether we are doing our best to help our students. are we doing the best in teaching them and do we deserve the amount that we are paid each month when looking at their falling grades etc?

to summarize, i am holding the posts of the head of the english panel, setiausaha SPM, guru biasiswa, ketua rumah sukan, guru kelas, teaching form four and spm classes.adeh. the given posts require me to be dealing with and doing a lot of paperwork. i am now a teacher and a kerani. with the paperwork, tagging along are modules for students, english programs, various karenah of the biasiswa students and etc. sgt challenging.

but, with all that, i never think of them as a big burden. i take and complete each one slowly at my own pace. the first few months were or course challenging and confusing at times, but now, i am beginning to love and savour every bit. i begin to learn that when you love what you do, you will enjoy and be satisfied, no matter how little your task is. even as little as preparing a pamplet for an event at school, or even putting a ribbon on a cenderahati. it feels good. alhamdulillah.

our niat mesti kerana Allah. quoted from my father. masuk kelas, niat kerana Allah. when you are completing a task, niat kerana Allah. you don't do things to make others to marvel you and diberi pujian melambung tinggi. you don't do things to get 'names'. do it with honesty. if there are mistakes, learn from it and move on. ;) insyaAllah, the saticfaction will be there and all the energy and time and even money being put into all the pile of work are worth it.

at this juncture, i am at the peak of preparing things for my darling who are going to seat for their SPM. in the middle of searching for additional information and materials to be compiled into modules. and completing oral evaluations, updating files etc. and my latest project is working on a kertas kerja to hold an English Week. we never had any English Week since the dauy i started teaching here. so, InsyaAllah, am planning to carry out one. a bit berdebar because this is the first time i'm carrying out a big programme like this wuwu.;) hopefully, with all the support and cooperation from other teachers, it will be a smooth sailing.

at times, i'll go ya Allah adlina boleh ke biar betul anak lagi itu lagi ini lagi biar betul dia ni hehe..i want to take the risk, i want to take the chance. if i fail to do so, i will learn from my mistakes insyaAllah. the hard work and the additional 'burden', we will be able to go through it, insyaAllah.

have faith in yourself, love what you do and most importantly niat kerana Allah.
you'll be just fine.

pic from google

a note on life

2011-04-24T22:58:00.000-07:00

someone asked, why do you like going back to the UK so much? why do you dream of being there more than once everyday in a week? what is it about the midlands?

i have a few reasons for that. it is true that i dream of to be there with God's willing together with my husband and aqil. i dream of being there, wanting aqil to experience what i have experienced when all of us followed ayah, furthering his studies in Newcastle. i miss those years. not meaning to be bragging, but our experience of being there had in some ways contributed to our way of thinking and what we are today as a human being. most important, a part of my heart must have stayed there as our youngest brother was buried there. one day, with God's will, we'll visit you Ibrahim.

reasons why i love to be there:

a) there is ASDA. the food are cheap. you can get like 8 yoghurts for 80 pence (like rm4) and it tastes so delicious where the plain yoghurts is put aside with the fruits. its like jem but the fruits are there seketul seketul. huhu sedap sedap. and there's my penguin chocolates which is my favourite since i was little when we stayed in Newcastle. and there's tons of fresh vegetables huhu. i went gaga when i first stepped into ASDA during our trip last november.

ayuni walking towards the entrance of ASDA. i was behind her all excited, and cold.

our trolley full of chocs and biscuits hehe. please ignore the fashion disaster with the white winter coat hua

finally. the milk she had been missing and dreaming of.

b) i love the winter breeze and there's this one smell which i can never be able to describe with words. the smell brings joyful tears to my eyes the moment we stepped out of the airport last november. i also love everything about the sceneries. and i love the houses. i love the with lacey curtain on the windows. i love the trees. i love the brick terraces dividing the green fields. i love everything.

the peaceful cold breezy sunny morning (there goes my adjectives placement)

i love the view

some house pictures we managed to take. lupe nak amik awal2. this was taken when we were on our way to the train station heading to paddington, london

c) there's primark where clothes shoes and etc are cheap!hehe..i bought a few shirts for little aqil at the price of below 5 pounds. that's a good bargain. good enough for me!;)

ayuni and mak in front of one in plymouth. primark in london is way bigger. but we didnt take any photos there.

actually, stuffs and food and etc kat sane mmg sgt murah if kite mmg stay sane and dapat gaji dari sane especially. our visit back then was near christmas so kalau books tu mmg murah lah sebab for them to buy as gifts. i bought a few books for aqil and with just below rm 100 i could get lots of them (we were overweight at the airport because of the books adeh sgt fail sistem travelling huhu). kalau kasut clarks tu kat malaysia tersgt mahal and kadang2 design nye tak cantiik mane. but kat sane you can get a pair for only 12 pounds and there are various supercute designs!

well, i must say there are many more reasons. i mean am thankful that we have everything here, living together, blessed by Allah with the rezeki and family and friends. but those people over there have attitudes yg sgt sukar org kite nak amik. i mean whenever that i go while we were there, to name a few, i have various reasons to not to love to be there.

reason 1:

they have buses with designed with a special platform for people with wheelchairs, parents with strollers and old people, making it easier for them to get one the bus. and in front of my very eys, the bus driver lowered his bus, and he himself got off from his seat, to open the platform. and the mat salleh sgt disiplin di mana the seats in the front is especially for golongan yang lebih memerlukan like the old people, pregnant women or women with babies etc. the bus jgk also has special space utk letak stroller sume. sgt user friendly.

reason 2:

most of them are very loving! i did encounter some especially the young ones yg agak discriminative towards us who are different from them. but as for others, i really feel comfortable with them. imagine when you're getting off the bus or a taxi they would say 'have a nice day love' or 'good day love'. and when you're paying for something at the counter they would go 'there you go darlin' or 'here you are love'. sgt bagus. their EQ is very high.

weell, all of the above may happened or may be as it is as plymouth itself is a nice place. but in London, the situation and the people there are a bit different. city people kan. everybody nak cepat sume. huhu. i prefer to be in other parts macam plymouth because it's very peaceful sume. huhu

haish..whatever it is, i'm thankful that i am living here, blessed by Allah with all my loved ones and friends. the intention of to go and study abroad has always been inside this little tiny heart of mine since all my sibling have studied, are studying and will be studying abroad. except for me. i'd like to have the experience, to widen my knowledge and ilmu and pengalaman hidup. and because of Allah.

like my ayah always say: Doa kaklong. ask from Allah. who knows you are destined to be there too in the future. if you're not, then it's okay. Allah knows whats best for you.

yes ayah. i thank Allah for all his givings. he knows whats best for me. that's why you and mak are here for us. love you.;)

people

2011-04-21T20:31:00.000-07:00

i'm not a perfect person myself. but lately i've been encountering people of various attitudes that make me tend to feel very frustrated, annoyed and sad. very sad. maybe i am being too sensitive. well, i am a very sensitive person according to dear husband. huhu.

so let us see whether it is just me or i am right in having the feeling that i have all this while.

people type 1:

a kind of a person who would call you or sms you (as both of you do not meet that often) to talk about herself. just herself. you give feedback and also at the same time you pour your heart out things about yourself which relate to what she is saying (things that frustrate you or make you sad) but she totally ignores what you're saying and keep on talking about herself. gosh. i've been there. and it really hurts. ya Allah ya Tuhanku, please keep me away from doing this kind of thing. i will try as much to be there for my friends. i hope i won't be as ignorant making others to feel sad because of me, without me realising that i am doing it.;(

people type 2:

a kind of a person who interferes your conversation with another person by talking as if he knows everything and that your facts are totally wrong. he bombards you with facts that he thinks is those which are most accurate, with high intonation and annoying pitch. it gives me headache. well okay. you're smart. i'm not. you can say whatever you want. being silent is my best retreat.

i've been destined to deal with these two kinds of people for the past few days. adeh. dear husband is the one and only whom i pour my heart out. terasa hati and sedih abang. he went sabarlah yang.

i myself is not perfect i know. but i wish people can be more sensitive. please think of others too. just because your life is so beautiful with things going in the way you want them to be, with you being blessed by gifts from Allah and you have more money to buy what you want, you tend to ignore other peoples feelings. talking big and being ignorant.

*sedih+terase hati*

pic by edde jae

a gift from Allah

2011-04-19T22:35:00.000-07:00

aqil is turning two this june. time flies so fast. been exchanging meaningful glances with beloved husband which most of the time there would be tears in my eyes when looking at aqil's behaviours and acts. our meaningful glances are countless, but we are never tired of being presented with various acts from little aqil.

when he was smaller, i used to dream of having him kissing and hugging me with no reason, babbling and mumbling and talking like it's nobody's business. well, he talks a lot now that i at times do not know what to say back. he would go on and on.adeh. i never find this boring. i indeed find this as very meaningful moments which i'd treasure for the rest of my life. no wonder some mothers cannot let go of their children. some may treat their sons or daughters as if they have never grown up. i would be one of those i suppose.;)

to summarize, alhamdulillah, as a note, who knows one day when aqil is all grown up, he would open up this blog and read all these little things about himself;) sayang ibu aqil, you now, at the age of 22 months is able to:

call everybody by their name except for me. but alhamdulillah you never failed to call me mom (taught by your father after he got stressed up with me crying to him at night telling him how it hurts that you cannot even pronounce the word ibu), at least that special name is only for me. you seem to pronounce the word mom smoothly. i wonder what's holding you back from saying ibu.but it's okay sayang. mom is good enough for me. for now;)

you eat a lot!and guess where you take that from?hehe..am trying to give and cook you the most nutritious food i can.;)

you always have various acts which never fail to make us laugh our heart out. for example when you are happy (as we are going out cruising on yeyeah) you'll do your dance which i still cannot record yet sebab selalu each time nak record lupe camera letak mana video dlm iphone pulak ibu tak tau kenape takleh pakai tersalah download application ke aper hehe..and how everytime you wear your cloth diaper (you only wear this when you're at home with me kat rumah wan your pengasuh ibu tak bagi sebab kesian kat wan nanti wan mesti nak basuh sendiri) you will be crawling around like as if you are a baby making baby cooing sound for a few minutes adeh..this one is classis bebeh!;p i guess you just love to be cloth diped and it saves my money to yang!

now whenever you are getting into bed (unless you fell asleep while drinking milk on my lap) you would shout book mom book which means you would not want me to read you a bedtime story or whatsoever but you would point to the things and ask me to describe and elaborate on the thing that you are pointing too.adeh..i like the moment sayang. laughing together on the bed with me making silly jokes to you. i hope we can have this as our special moment together as you grow up ;)

you also love having other people coming to your house and you would get all excited when you have your mummy and mama and che ti (as they are the people who come to our house the most often). you just love company. just like ibu and ayah do.

i love faking my crying and sobbing sometimes because i love how you would come to me and say nape nape and you would kiss me and hug me and even pat me on the back!

*ya Allah..thank you Allah..thank you aqil sayang..my happiness is complete by having you as a gift from Allah. i would not ask for more*.

pic from google

i am back!!!

2011-04-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum

Hi! Bloggy blog of mine..it has been a while. My masters classes and assignments and project papers have taken their toll on me..taking away my time my sleep but giving more fats to me..hhehe..excuse sebab jadi gemuk tak habis2..

Well..for now..I am free from all the miseries..miseries which I love..the challenges, the tears, the sweats and the headache..I thank Allah for giving me these things..I shall not complain too much or at all as this is what I have chosen..however, as a human being, I sometimes fall and I thank Allah as these past few months have taught me how to be a better person, strengthening what’s inside me, teaching me to value people around me..thank you Allah..

Well I must warn you, this one is gonna be longggggggg…..i haven’t written for sooo loooonnggg..i have lots of things to tell..huhu..

Well, let’s start with the previous semester. It had been very challenging than the first one as I was travelling alone every weekend to and fro. And the subjects taken were quite challenging. The 2 ½ journey had been accompanied by sleepy eyes, lots of coffee, food anfd moreeeeeeee fooooooddddd!huhu..when..no wonder I gained an extra kilo in the end. I thank everybody, my family and my best friends and my masters coursemates . but, there is this one person, whom I can never be able to repay for all his sacrifices and love, my one and only encik ridzuan, my one and only chenta.chewaaahhh..hehe..thank you so much for being my best friend, who understands me inside and out (which I don’t like cause you seem to know everything that is inside my head grrrr I cannot kelentong you a little bit pun tak bleh), thank you so much for making me feel that you and aqil will be just fine, ensuring me to go ahead and have my classes leaving you to do all the cooking and laundries..pushing me to complete my assignments and keeping up with the messed up house due my time constraints and piles of assignments. Abang, you are a dear. I love you so much. this one is for you. (imagine me singing the song which I used to sing to you…lalala..ku mencintaimu lebih dari..tralala..)..thank you sayang, really…;)

Well, now let’s talk about another thing. We are really thankful for this one. This is like the best gift ever for my ending of the second semester! (melampau tul adlina ni)..our very own small, homey, comfy house!!it was a really hard work to move out and later move in..lucky us we have got people close to our hearts to help us with things. Now I have to do major arrangements of things for the whole house..huhuhu..

I’m blessed to have chentaku with me. With his smart moves and plans, things went well. It all ended at 9 last night for the two of us putting away and taking in what’s left at the old house. And we had spent our first night in our own home in the living room.hehe..i decided to put our mattress in the middle of the boxes, in front of the TV. All three of us slept together and little aqil was the most excited one to have both of his mum/mak (not yet ibu don’t know when am still waiting for the historical moment) and ayah snuggling close to him.

When little aqil was fast asleep, we performed our isyak’ and hajat prayers together. Despite of our energy draining away and our weary eyes, we prayed for the best for all of us and also the new home. I have always love the ending of our berjemaah session..there is always this peace and happy feeling inside of me..and love love and more love..we lepak on our ‘bed’, shared a few laughs (a loud one and that woke aqil up. He sat up straight, merely opening his eyes, with his face expression mcm tak puas hati and baring and sambung his tidur. amboi marah nampak sayang hehe)..however the ting tong parents continued laughing as the show was very funny and we hit the pillow at 12 something.

I smiled while closing my eyes and trying too sleep. What a way to end a very tiring day. I babbled a few things to my husband and he was like ‘hmm hmm hmm’ and I talked and talked and I did not realize when I drifted to sleep.

Cannot wait to get home and be with my heroes and manage all the boxes..thank you Allah..thank you for giving me my two heroes and thank you for giving us all that we have now. We are thankful. Very thankful.

p.s. I always tell my darlings to have an essay which is linked as each paragraph is developed. Now what is the teachers herself writing??malu kalau ade anak murid baca blog hehe..

bloggy blog, I’ll come back later okay. Much love!

my one and only

2010-12-17T02:11:00.000-08:00

salam..wah it's been a while since i've written anything about you muhammad aqil..well you are so big now and tetibe ibu teringat aqil belum pegi inject utk yg umur setahun setengah lagi wuwu..kite tunggu ayah lah sayang huhu..ibu takut...

anyway..just for you to reflect back once you're old enough and can browse through this blog on you own..by the age of 18 month my darling hero now...;

calls everybody (as supposed) ayah, atuk, nenek, toknye, mama but ibu..still baby..adeh sero hati sikit..haha
loves to dance and sing
loves to watch cartoons on the tv
loves cows, cats and fishes so much
can utter a few meaningful words:

nak air
nak milk
beyak/poop
sedap
das / pedas which means panas actually huhu
yea yea
jump (and he'll jump tapi terangkat sebab badan gemuk mcm ibu haha)

whenever he hears the azan, he'll say Aba Aba and in a minute he's already doin his rukuk+sujud hehe..alhamdulillah..
whenever he comes across me dok berdoa after solat he'll come sit on my lap and tadah his hands..masyaAllah..
before he eats he'll tadah his hands and mumble words and amin within seconds hehe..comel..
loves to play ball outside
loves to go jalan2
he is so caring towards other babies tapi sgt tak boleh org amik his things!adeh runsing..ibu tak ajar macam tu sayang huhu..
he loves to eat! mcm sape entah..
he is so manja!adeh..
he loves books so much that my luggage was actually overloaded and overweight because of his books!huhu..err..and ibu's books too actually hehe..
loves to kiss me on the face..sekarang dah makin okay teknik kissing hehe..he used to just touch his cheeks on our cheeks as a sign of a kiss..but now he even muncungkan mulut and ade bunyi smooch haha!
loves to hug people too..

huhu..there are always new things about you which i always find very facsinating everyday..i love you so much more and i cannot imagine my life without you..you are my shining armour and you are my motivational push!hehe..my first semester's results are dedicated just for you..love you sayang..

going back to the place that i've always love

2010-12-14T04:28:00.000-08:00

well..err actually..going back to a place which is much the same of where i had lived a few years back..stepping out of the plane, i could already feel the cold winter and the smell..the smell brought tears to my eyes..it has always been a dream..to come back and to smell this smell again..alhamdulillah..thank you Allah for this opportunity..it is my dream (another dream) to go back to england once again..maybe during summer..and visit cornwall (st ives) which is only an hour drive from plymouth but we couldn't make it when we were there because we were too occupied with things in plymouth huhu..and in london i'd like to go to notting hill's portobello road which we also couldn't make it because mak was already tired from walking to too many places and riding in too many tubes which were like a roller coaster ride for her everytime hehe..and i'd like to go to columbia road market which opens only on Sundays..i just love these kinds of places..and i'd like to go back to newcastle to visit ibrahim's grave, my canning street primary school, my old home, the town, the carboot sales that we used to go..huhu..and i wanna visit the lake district, portsmouth and leeds. owh and i want to go visit this one person, whom i've not met since we were in our secondary school and we were not that close actually. but amzingly, she is now influencing me a lot in her way of seeing things and her views on life and also on being a mother. i'd like to go visit you iva. there's so much that i'd like to share with you personally. and meet khairaldin and the soon to be born baby.

haih there are so many things that i'd like to do. and i hope Allah will grant my wish one day. like he granted my previous wish of going back to england which i did. and up till today, the one thing that i'd remember the most is..the smell. which never fails to bring tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips. everytime.

*the gemukss girl*

to love and to not love

2010-12-08T18:24:00.000-08:00

people have different definitions of love. most people consider love to be something majestic, out of this world, full of blooming emotions making them fly on cloud nine. but what happens when the love that you have fades away?

how did it fade away in the first place?how did it happen? people will have answers for that for sure. it will go back to things pertaining to either him or her. well, you tried hard and work hard to sustain the love that you have but things keep falling apart and although you'd strive everytime to pick up the pieces and move on you'll continuously bump yourself and fall. and you'll get hurt. everytime. with nobody else buy you own self to heal your wound.

it hurts badly when you seem to have a bad luck in love. you thought you were one of the lucky ones to have a man who seems to love you with all his heart. you thought he was the one and that you'd not want to hold someone else's hands and be in another man's arms rather than his on the day you got married. he made you feel as if you're a princess just waiting to be crowned the queen of his life.

and after a while he treats as if you don't have feelings. that it's okay to not smile at you with love in his eyes when you look at each other or when you look at him and he looks back at you. all there is~a blank look and a tight up face looking away seconds after your eyes meet. not holding your hands as tight as he did during the early days. not interested enough to listen to your stories coming from the heart, not giving feedbacks to what you're saying as if you're talking to a wall and the worst is when he seems to listen but immediatelly when you finish talking and hopes to hear sootthing words from him, he'll start talking about other subjects ignoring totally what you were saying before. is love still there when your man starts to not telling you how good your cooking is unless you ask him whether the food taste good or not, and he answers with a bored saying 'sedap' with a bored face not even looking at you and let alone thanking you for the food you cooked. does he still love you when you call him several times on the phone but he never bothered to returm your calls as he thought nothing about you was important? never mind the text messages. it does hurt when you're pouring your heart out through the text messages but you'd not get any reply at all or after a few hours of waiting.

am actually writing this when thinking how in the world would love changes from 'my love is more than the stars in the sky' to 'i don't care if i don't have your love at all'. didn't we speak love language beautifully earlier? didn't we promise we'd be there for each other? didn't you say you'd be with me all throught thick and thin? didn't you say it doesn't matter as long as i'm with you and things will be alright?

well, a woman or a wife does have her own faults and flaws. but, as a husband, you should be guiding her, not having a grugde for the wrong she did and decides a payback time to hurt her. you should not be making decisions for your own sake not thinking of her at all, just because she's all yours now and it's her duty to follow you. you don't need to be all mushy and romantic cause there's better things to do in life.

at least have some respect for her. think of how much pain she felt when pushing for your baby out in the labour room not forgetting the stiches she had to endure. think of how she works hard to prepare you meals cooked with love just for you. think of how she cries softly at night because of the hurt you caused and you did not even bother to hug her and tell her that you're sorry because of your ego and how her parents would think when they know that their beloved daughter is crying because of you. think of how she smiles with tears in her eyes when seeing her friends living life with husbands who loves them so much feeling happy and contented not having to go through her situations. think of how she never asks for gifts of expensive jewelleries or etc on her birthday or your anniversary as all she needs is you. only you.

well, this piece of writing may be a bit biased cause it only refers to the man's side of fault. that's because i am writing this with a point of view of a woman whose husband is not treating her well when she has not done anything wrong at all axcept for being just herself, and if she has changed a bit negatively, it is only because of the treatment which she receives from the husband. well, a woman has feelings. and a man should bare in mind that things which seem as a small matter could mean something that is huge that hurts badly for us women as we are more sensitive and deep thinkers. so please, have some time to do some reflection and love and appreciate us more.

personally for me, i do not need expensive materials to be handed out to me as gifts and i do not need more money. i just need the love and support and understanding and etc. and if added with gifts would be a bonus i won't bluff. but the main thing is love. as love, tops it all. for those who manage to retain their love till the end, Alhamdulillah. for those who are a bit unlucky, will just have to work extra hard then. after all, it's what's Allah has destined for us.

*this is just my own piece of thoughts and the facts above are not connected with anyone at all (err or maybe the happy and contented sides of people do connect with my happily married and to be married girlfriends wuwu)*

*haih..am constantly smelling the winter breeze outside and the atmosphere inside the house with the warmth of the heater as i go on writing this entry. i guess i miss plymouth badly*

being me

2010-07-20T22:14:00.000-07:00

i used to dream of becoming an educator since little..err i mean..it was one of the dream..whenever we were supposed to fiil in the green or blue (can't remember) cards in the primary school where you're asked to fill in what your ambitions and hobbies and etc were..i'd have three (which for me at that age sounded soo cool) ambitions to fill in the three columns provided.

**doktor**peguam**pensyarah**

haha..little that i know i was not even any of them hihi..but closest to the latter one *pensyarah* i am..a teacher..and english teacher..and i love my job so much nowadays..

some people may choose the profession as they have no other choices and that being a teacher means having a definite job in the field of teaching..little do they know what's waiting for them in schools..those who can survive and who are able to 'carve' and leave something in a school that they are teaching should be given a thumb up (which i am wondering when i am able to do that huhu)..those who venture in other things not bringing up their roles as educators..hmm..i would not want to go into those things..nauzubillah..

my beloved father and mother never failed to remind me and my siblings..everything that we do..'niat kerana Allah'..especially now when i am doing four heavy duty jobs hehe..'niat kerana Allah kaklong..'insyaAllah ayah..

being a teacher has taught and is teaching and i'm sure will be teaching me a lot of things in life..almost everyday (especially the journey to and fro my work 'places') i'd have some time to do some reflections and thinking..well adlina are you that busy??i must say yes i truly am..so much..hi..having two different level of students and being a student myself made me to be loving my job more and more and making me to love my students and appreciate them as who they are more!..everything is more..huhu..(otak kita dah bercabang seribu ibu~beepop 2010)..he..

except for my time with beloved suami and aqil..we have less time and aqil seems to..isk isk..owh never mind i love you so much baby no matter what..but..every single free time that i have..is dedicated just for these two guys..

things that will bring us good fortunes can't be easy..there must be some uphill battle or we might lose it all..(tetibe rse macam lagu pulak waduh)..and things won't be difficult all the time..we will be able to go through the ups and downs with guidance from the Almighty and the love given by our belovedssss..you will not always have things to go in your way and you cannot expect things that will make your life easier will not require you to do sacrification..the word 'sacrifice' is my best friend now..i'll be holding on insyaAllah..

it is very true that things do not happen without a reason..like if it wasn't for us following my father furthering his studies in the UK..i will not have the skills of english like i have now (am not saying that i'm brilliant in the second language) but before going to the UK my score for english was really bad..below par hehe..but alhamdulillah we had the chance to use the language in context and i'm thankful for that..if it wasn't for that..i do not know what i will be doing now..every cent that i am getting is now based on the skills of the english language.i'm only good at that and Alhamdulillah..Allah has helped me to sustain what i have in order to give and add the knowledge of my beloved school children in their schooling and studying years..amin..

being a teacher is a blissful role..

there may be hardships and tribulations..

but i am sure..in the end..

it is something that can bring a smile..

to our faces..

the sweats and tears will insyaAllah..

be the ups and downs towards our success..

dunia dan akhirat..

amin..

*and actually, being a mother is the best unpaid job ever!(mesti nak masuk jugak about aqil hi...)*
*ibu loves aqil so much*

my love+life

2010-07-11T20:23:00.000-07:00

*i have loved you since the day you were born*

*and you just can't imagine how much i love you right at this juncture*

*i thank Allah for sending you both into my life*

*Alhamdulillah*

*we'll be holding your hands until the day that you can really 'walk' on your own*

*but we hope you'll always look back and remember that we are always here for you*

*muhammad aqil~we love you~

muhammad aqil bin muhamad ridzuan

2010-07-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

it is always amazing and got me all teary eyed when seeing how my baby grows.
from being such a cuddly infant to a walking non stop toddler.
*sigh* time flies fast and like some mothers, i wish he wouldn't be growing that fast. now i am actually starting to miss the times when his most comfortable place was in my arms..looking at me with his innocent eyes..

a few days old..

now he is an active toddler who makes me sweat myself burning calories (but no additional fat is burn actually) trying to keep up with him. i enjoy that so much that every evening we would have a walk outside the house..and he'd hold and my hand and mumble words as if he was trying to have a conversation with me.hee..i 'm having less time with him due to work so i try to use the time that i have with him as wisely as possible. so what i am and will be doing are:

*he is no longer sleeping on his bed at the moment. he'll be sleeping with us on our bed (thank you en Suami for being so understanding!) with me hugging him..early in the morning he would always wake up for his milky time.he'll go 'bu bu bu' kisses me all over on the face hug me and 'lentok' his head on my body and sleeps~this..ibu would treasure for the rest of my life aqil~*

*my workload requires my time with aqil to be a bit limited (`aqil, do remember that i am doing this for you)..so..each moment that i have will be used by having 'us time'..and for a start, we'll be bringing aqil to the jerantut hill's pool today insyaAllah..because pool is one of his favourite things..love you..*

*am having more reading time with him and stay by his side more during his video time..he is in love with the azan from the i can't remember tv9 or ntv7 by a boy with such a glowing face..and he loves the alif ba ta song..aqil..may Allah helps me to train you to be a good umat islam..amin..*

*he loves to eat!(i wonder where he gets that from) so i am trying my best to make weekends to be my 'homecooking' session..preparing nutritious meals for mr darling aqil and en Suami yang amat kucintai hihi...*

my aqil is also starting to show us his list of favourite things..which are;
*the beach and the pool (due to the recent visit to cherating~a treat from aqil's mama~*
*books*
*videos of azan and tasbih*
*videos of nursery ryhmes and upin ipin*
*he is always fascinated when seeing us perform our prayers and reciting the al-quran alhamdulillah*
*he would smile to his ears when seeing us my husband and i getting cuddly hehe*

well..it's gonna be a tough journey for this coming 2 to 3 years..i'm gonna be needing all the love and support from my belovedsss..
*can i be thankful again for having one of my BFFs with me along the way?* winkwink

i'm in love with you every second..

~this is it~

2010-07-07T22:45:00.000-07:00

image by 'google'

it's always impressing and fascinating to see how one can achieve out of the ordinary without having to give their all..

it's always heartwarming and bringing tears to my eyes witnessing those who do achieve outstanding things in their lives but having to sacrifice a lot of things...

i guess i am the latter one..minus the ^outstanding^..hihi..

*Aku berniat kerana Mu ya Allah*

Bimbingkan lah kami dalam mencapai apa yang kami impikan..

image by google

*this one goes to my BFF ~ tuan habibah tuan ali*

p:s~ let us reach for what we are able to go for. the stars are as a start. *i love you*

image by google

*and my happiness involves the happiness of the people that i love*

*dearest en Suami and aqil sayang~i love you so much that it really hurts to have to do this*

~but please, don't forget that i truly love both of you, so much~

image by google

huhu

2010-07-02T03:06:00.000-07:00

am starting on a very challenging journey..
it's gonna be tiring..
physically..and emotionally..
my time with darling aqil will be less(this actually hurts a lot)
my time with en suami yang amat ku cintai will be..i don't know..maybe our snuggling time will be about me mumbling how tired and stressed out i am rather than just embracing the supposed to be quiet moment that we have for each other..and he'll go "sabar..hmm..hmm..itu yang sayang pilih..hmm.."and am still wondering how that actually made me feel better although deep inside i want him to talk back as much as i am!hihi..

can i be able to perform all the roles that i am supposed to be playing..
a wifey..
a mother..
an educator..for 2 very different roles and situations
a student..

that is actually being summed up as a fivesome hehe..
created by papee, bipop and I when we were joking around in the car..

and yes..these two of my BFFs (do note that i have my other BFFs it's just that they were not with us during this time!hihi) play great roles as my motivators..

in fact the tiring journey back and forth yesterday did not really bother me as we were laughing with jokes blurted out esp by papee sayang..
she never failed to make me laugh my heart out..

apart of all the things above which until now is making me wonder can i be able to do these..i'm thankful that i have all the people that i love supporting me..believing in me (although i myself am not sure that i am believing in myself!) huhu..

well..i guess..i have Allah as always to turn to..

Ya Allah..kuatkan lah dan tabahkan lah hati hamba mu ini..
Aku melakukan segalanya dengan izin Mu..
Amin..

*can't wait for tomorrow's getaway~cause i really need that~wiiii!*

aqil at the age of nearly 13 months

2010-06-24T19:18:00.000-07:00

aqil now:

walks lala around the house..no more crawling (sometimes only)..he is so confident in walking..(kadang ibu yang menjerit sebab takut jatuh hehe)..and he loves it when we hold his hands and walk together with him..

can get on and get off our bed all by himself..with very skillful moves..hehe..go aqil!

loves to eat chicken soup masak lemak sayur and laksam (hopefully these food are okay for my baby)..

he is getting very manja..and kuat nangis (which really buat ibu sayu)..is this just some parts and parcels of him growing up..?huhu..

he is so friendly towards other babies or toddlers..those whom we meet at clinics or restaurants or anywhere actually!!..hihi..kadang2 orang yang takut sama aqil..he..good boy..

when we bentang sejadah for our prayers he'll come near us and do rukuk yang digabung dengan sujud (imagine how) and say 'abba abba..(his way of saying Allahuakbar i suppose)..besar2 nanti jangan tinggal solat ye sayang..

we can feel how he loves us more and more and how he needs us badly..each day..and aqil..we love you more than you can imagine sayang..

okay kenapakah gambar gedik ini has to be here?

oh ya..untuk menunjukkan ibu walaupun sedang working..tapi ibu am thinking about aqil..

thinking how i love you so much..

and i love aqil's ayah so much too.

i love you both..

holidays

2010-06-17T19:36:00.000-07:00

salam..gosh...it's been a while isn't it bloggy bloggy..it's time for school holidays..which i really love because i get to spend my time with my beloved little aqil (who is now a toddler and can do lots of cool and funny stuff!hihi)..i used to be amazed at my little cousins and my niece and nephew going gaga when seeing they do acts and things..and now i'm enjoying myself with my own child!!how cool is that hihi..

so..just to sum up what i've been doing for the past days..owh i'm gonna miss all this soonnnn!

a small birthday bash for aqil
he reached his toddlerhood on the first of june..owh just remembering the birth of him makes me wanna cry..alhamdulillah..so invited a few close friends and family members..and made my homemade moisty chocolaty cake for aqil's very first birthday!!

aqil sayang is helping ibu

aqil's birthday cake *comot tapi best*muahaha puji diri

wiii!!

*tadaa*

burn baby burn!

*love you*

cloth diapering
i have alsobeen busy in doing some research on cloth diaper..been contacting moms who sell and are so into cloth diaping their babies..and i'd like to thank iva (thank you so much dik) and huda for being my mentors (directly or indirectly from their blogs and all)..i have learned so much within the past days and have actually added up the collection which would insyaAllah arrive by today wii!!!!and mak actually gave cloth diapers for aqil's birthday!hehe..cool nenek..so i have learned a few things which are:
*before using you have to actually wash the CDs a few times and especially the inserts(they should be washed with hot water 2 to3 times to increase the absorbancy) - thank you iva!
*aqil is quite a heavywetter especially at night so i bought loopy doo inserts to wear during night time or when travelling
*on normal days i will change aqil's CD every four hours (have been asking around and that is the general duration for wearing the CDs..the first few times of using i'd experienced leaking (aqil actually) we're actually improving and i am totally enjoying myself!
*having to wash the CDs is no fuss for me because i feel sooo satisfied with myself contributing to a better environment and the best for my aqil!!
and after receiving aqil's diapers from fazilah (zizitots) i learnt so much more!she gave me a mini handbook on cloth diapers!thank you Zie!According to Zie:
*CDs sould not smell like anything.
*Do not use chlorine bleach or fabric softerners or even pure soap!
*Do strip washing once a while for the CDs.

*the finally cloth diaped baby*

reading and more reading
yes.i try as much to make time for reading as it is crucial for me to upgrade my reading skills as i'm gonna be needing them soon for the next 2 to 3 years huhu..read some parental magazines and a few books which i found quite interesting..
*thanks to aqil's napping time..so i get to read and do this-blogging*

read, read and read!

watching TV
owh how can i not do this as it's one of my hobby!especially when it comes to watching my GLEE!hihi..and now i'm actually overwhelmed with a new series called PARENTHOOD..gosh..the drama is so heartwarming..and am enjoying myself watching HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER and all the other comedy series which could at times lighten up my days! (besides aqil of course but he'd been having a fever for the last two days but now he's fine and dandy so i have my sunshine all to myself again!

cooking
yes..as mak and ayuni are away since saturday and today is already thursday (which means they'll be back home by tomorrow!)...so i had to do the cooking for ayah, moktok and adik and of course my aqil. not so much of ambitiously cooked dishes..only the simple ones (with aqil coming to me everytime he hears a clank in the kitchen although i am near the stove where he could not actually see me..

yummy yum

eating
hehe..how can i be so "thin" if not for this habit of mine hehe..ayuni bought a few stuffs for the goodie bags for aqil's bday..we came upon a few coklat which i used to love when i was a kid..

coklat bola and coklat sekuk

spending time with my family especially again..my aqil..
i'm so thankful to Allah for giving me my family and aqil as a part of me..aqil is not only a child of mine..whom i carry for app 9 month and which took me for almost an hour to push him out..alhamdulillah..but he is like a bestfriend to me..another half of me..at times i could feel that he really connects to me..at times when i cry he'll come and hug me and gave a peck on my face..when i cover my teary eyed face he'll pull my fingers and say 'cak'..huhu..i love you sayang..and have actually been training him on a few skills and Alhamdulillah he now can salam or amin with us..more skills to go!

walking side by side..

this holiday have actually been tangled up with lots of emotions..i actually received painful news and encountered several things in my life which made me cried over and over (by myself not in front of aqil especially no)..but as BREE from the DHs said..kind of in my own words lah because i could not really remember her exact words.'think of an empty box. put in whatever emotions or feelings that you have inside the box. close the box.and find a large empty wardrobe. put the box inside the wardrobe.and close it. and whenever you feel like going back to the matters of emotions, go and open the box back. all by yoursefl. handle it like a lady'.that's it.and like mak said..'kaklong, don't be too sad. yang kita boleh buat hanya berdoa pada Allah..and tawakal pada Allah.it's gonna be alright. insyaAllah"..

so i guess that is life. things won't always go in our way. life itself consists of happiness, sadness, bitterness, sacrifices, and some times those who are lucky enough will get what they want and live a life that is so beautiful that you might want to be in their shoes. but for me, i'll live my life.up till the day i die. chewwah tetibe jiwang. hehe..well..all in all..i have another knight of shining armour..who shines more and more each day..*little aqil*

guess good things must come to an end.holiday is fun. but i also miss school, my workload, my students and my friends. and when i'm finally back to work, i'll start to miss my family back home. i guess emotions and self wants will never end then..hehe..

happy working everyone..

am head over heels for this guy!

2010-06-03T19:08:00.000-07:00

i'm head over heels for this guy. am having the greatest crush ever on *you*

*sorry Encik suami. i love you.*

aqil's sweet tiny suprise

2010-06-01T22:22:00.000-07:00

1st of June
the date has been added into our momento of life to celebrate (thank you to Allah) the born of our little kid

~muhammad aqil~

my bubbly aqil

Mr. H and i actually planned to do a little gathering with our little family in jerantut

(my sisters+bffs~bib,hani,papee) and abah's family. but little aqil had a bad fever (Mr. H took a day off this time) and Alhamdulillah he is getting better since yesterday's evening. hopefully he is doing just fine at the nursery.

i did not sleep at all the night before yesterday (kept taking aqil's temperature and menjelung his body) so after coming back home from school and do a little bit of the house chores my husband forced me to sleep. and i did. and i was awakened by a beautiful+dropdead gorgeous fairy godmother of little aqil. taadaaaaaaa!

the fairy godmother came with a giant birthday card (the cutest!!!) and two pieces of creamy yummy bluberry cheese cake..yummy yummy yum!!err no picture of the cake..already being gobbled down by ...hihi..

we had a fun and great time..huhu..and when Mr. H went for his game and aqil took a short evening nap aqil's ibu and the fairy godmother chatted and chatted until we kind of went into more serious topics which revealed things (*winkwink*) of both of us and then we knew we need to stop before the nearest neighbour could hear us talking (which involved loud high pitch voices+laughters+squeaking haha..)

~happy ending~

to note: a few of the things that have kept me grounded+contented+happy while living far from my hometown (despite of no malls+cinemas+parks) are these lovable people around me.

am thankful for that. amin.

aqil is one year old!

2010-05-31T20:15:00.000-07:00

aqil at the age of one year old.

*he can walk.finally!(although he'll go wobbly here and there to the right and to the left haha)
*when i teased him by being mad at something he did he'll make a sad face
*when he is playing with his toys with me by his side, whenever i turn somewhere else like to the TV while imitating his utterances he'll notice that i wasn't looking at him and he'll pull and tug my shirt wanting me to concentrate only on him
*more syllables day by day!which i adore so much huhu.
*this morning (before going to work and he's slightly cheerful but very 'tired looking' because of the fever (owh gosh i hope you are doing okay at home with ayah now)..i said (like i always say everyday) 'who is muhammad aqil please raise up your hand' he held both of his hands up!and i was speechless and gave him some kisses on his face!!excited!
*another tooth is coming up
*adores his atuk so much
*whenever he sees me or my husband preparing to perform our solat he'll go 'Aabbaaahh'..just like everytime we say Allahuakbar to show him that we are gonna do our prayers he'll go 'Aabbaaahh'..Alhamdulillah..can't wait to teach you on how to recite the Al-quran and perform your solat and puasa..amin..and when my husband puts a 'kopiah' on his head he'll act and move his body as if sedang bertasbih macam tu hihi..we adore this act so much!!
*loves to play peekaboo.whenever he gets hold of a cloth he'll start 'peekabooing'..
*one thing that does not change much - he loves being hugged and kissed..and tickled..he'll laugh his heart out..

i guess this is just the cycle of life..no one gets the chance of going back to any stage of life (except in movies)..as a mother i could only watch my son grows and achieves things major or minor (only major for me!all of them!)..and i am happy..happy..(only a little tiny bit of..sadness..)i just missed him being a baby who only loves to be cradled in my arms..not knowing to do anything just yet..those were the days and i wished i would treasure those moments more!

the playful him

to note: there is no more of the ribena drink inside..am still practicing less or no sugar at all for my aqil

*happy birthday aqil*

~ibu and ayah love you so much~

blogging matters

2010-05-30T20:07:00.000-07:00

i read an article from a beloved junior back when we were in zainab..i love reading her blog as i could learn so much on motherhood and gained knowledge from her perspectives of life..(thank you iva)..and her latest entry was on blogging matters..and the entry triggered some thoughts and i began to re evaluate the reasons why i first decided to go blogging..actively..

i first created the blog back in 2008..and then i stopped blogging as i do not really have the urge to write and there seemed to be no reason why i should be writing entries..that was back then..

and then i had aqil..i started to feel like i've to write the experience that i had and am going through day by day with my baby..the experiences written were and will be based on true events on what motherhood is..i wrote each entry with the thought of wanting others to at least learn something and gain a little knowledge..and for other entries which relate to my life are for the sake of enhancing my writing skills(you know how it is teaching in a rural school where i do not have much opportunities to enhance my skills) and for family and friends who are living far to get updates about my life..and i know they really appreciate each entry..(facebook for me can sometimes be to revealing so now i've decided to go low profile huhu)..

i wrote each of the entry with no thoughts of bragging or showing off what i have in life at all..i wrote it with a sincere heart..for the sake of capturing events in my life which i want to treasure for the rest of my life and i can always go back and read it up anytime (where and when there is internet connection)..yes we can of course treasure moments in scrapbooks or diaries but yes those are more personal..i would not want to show it off to people just like that..so blogging is like the most appropriate medium..

as quoted from iva - people should be reading one's blog with a positive mind- i totally agree..look at things in a positive way..why should you be implementing negativity in your minds while reading one's blog..you do not have the idea of what was in the writer's mind while he or she is writing (unless the person is clearly seen as being a bragger all the way-and i'm sure there are only a few of this type)..

i tend to receive a bunch of thanks from family and friends who appreciate my entries because they get to learn some things and gain a few thoughts here and there and get to know what was happening inside my life because they have not met me for quite some times.

so..if i tend to be posting entries that lead to people to be thinking that i am such a show off, i'd like to apologize but sincerely..those entries are written with modesty and with a thought of 'that's just some parts and parcels of my life-enjoy reading and hopefully you gained something or learned something from a simple me'.

i really have nothing much to be showing off actually. i am not that wealthy or living a life fabulously in some urban or posh neighborhood having fantastic jobs or etc.i am a simple me and i love being me (except for the fact that i'm FAT) and i love my family and friends so much and sometimes the entries are just rightfully dedicated to them.

one of the best weekend!!

2010-05-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

fuh..enjoyed ourselves so much when in kl..lots of laughters and smiles with each other..mak and ayah especially huhu..can't wait to be at home for this coming 2 weeks school holiday!

aqil just ca't get enough of his atuk..sampai taknak dengan ibu ayah nenek mama sume2..hmm..sudah pandai ya muhammad aqil..(terasa sedikit huhu)..

anyway..reached home at about 5 and we got so excited of putting up aqil's corner that we kind of threw all of the things (including our bags and etc) on the floor and start pushing and moving furnitures here and there and pasang all the things from IKEA and taaadaaaaa!!we were done within an hour hehe..and the rest (mopping..sapu and lap sini sana) are left for me huhu..but anyway..thank you dearest husband for understanding my IKEA passion woohooo...!

WEEKEND = great company of beautiful people+good food+fabulous items(not clothes because i don't fancy my size nowadays haha)+laughters and even tears(happy tears for ayuni's convo).

*ayuni : am not gonna reveal the corner..wait till you come here on friday okay...let it be a suprise!!hehe..love you*

IKEA vs GRADUATION DAY+family time=contentment+ultimate glee

2010-05-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

one of the main reasons (actually there's 3) us coming to kl was to get things to set up a special corner for muhammad aqil (and for ibu sikit hihi)..and this morning we went to IKEA and the mission was accomplished (although i didn't get to buy the medium sized Billy bookcase because it was out of stock so we went for a back up book rack huhu)..we managed to buy a few things and we cannot wait to set things up back home wiiiii!!!!!

okay so..truth be told..IKEA made me to be forgetting that the main event here is ayuni's CONVO!!that was the main reason why mak and ayah flew over here and even took a day off on Sunday (plus Monday for dear ayah-Gosh we miss you guys so much *especially aqil towards his atuk*)..and yes..i even forgot that i need to buy her a bouquet of flowers!!Gosh..how bad am I as a sister huhu..so this evening went for flower hunting with dearest su(the best auntie in the world!) around bangi (but found none) and later end up in a nice shop just near su's place in kajang..and i spent quite a while in deciding which flower to choose and decided myself on what thype and pattern of bouquet i wanted huhu..and what made me proud was that the aunty kept telling me 'wah..never people asked me to do this pattern for graduation bouquet..this is so special..i like it i love it my self..' huhu..i picked the colour for the papers and the flower arrangements and the ribbon..the auntie loved it so much that she gave me extra roses (she added 7 more for free!!) and gave a layer of gorgeous net cloth as the final touch for free!!..yes..a second 'free'!haha..thank you so much auntie..and here is the product tadaaaa!!!!

the lower part..

the gorgoeous layers of ruffled white fabric+paper

wanted the white 'snow flaked' like flowers to go around the roses but there were none of those

the whole bouquet..and yes..AYUNI loved and is loving it soo MUCHO MUCHO~

ahh..and tonight we celebrated fairuz's birthday with a lovely cake...

the pretty birthday girl

snapshot one before the cutting of cake with darling aqil

snapshot 2 with the happy babies
(okay enough with the mouth adlina)

*thank you Allah for giving us the time to be spent together..really wish aizuddin and aiman were here with us..love you guys muah!*

a reading and playing corner for my aqil

2010-05-26T19:59:00.000-07:00

i am setting up a special corner for my special aqil as a gift for him for his first birthday..he's becoming a toddler!!wah..time flies so fast huhu..he loves to read books and play with his toys so i'm gonna work things out with darling husband to suprise our aqil!!aqil akan terexcited sambil menari2 and tergelak2 hihi..am soo excited..huhu..praying that this dream of mine will come true..huhu...

*am excited to be going to kl for ayuni's convo and a get together with the family..
especially mak and ayah!!wiiii*

baby stuff

2010-05-26T19:31:00.000-07:00

A bestie of mind asked me a few things on preparing for her newborn..so i might as well post it here so that she can refer to the very long list anytime..so here goes ‘gegurl’..

Baby clothes

My husband and I were very excited in buying clothes for aqil..we felt like buying everything that our baby should be needing..lots and lots of comfortable clothes..huhu..but a few of our close family members reminded us not to be too ambitious huhu..so actually..we only need to buy a few newborn suits..maybe 4 to 6 sets..buy more 3 to 6 month old baby clothes..and do keep in mind that the baby will be receiving more clothes when he or she is born..as presents from family and friends..aqil got more that 10 sets of clothes during his kenduri cukur jambul and aqiqah..and not to forget the mittens and botties..as for me..i bought quite a lot of them and had gotten quite a few too..

So; to summarize-

Newborn clothes : 4 to 6 sets

3-6 months : 3 to 5 sets

‘Barut perut’, lampin, towels

One funny thing about the ‘barut perut’. Huhu..actually..it is in our tradition that babies should be wearing the barut perut as soon as he or she is born into this world. Like my maktok said ‘takut masuk angin..kembung perut’ and etc. I remember one time when mak and darling husband brought aqil to see his paediatrician to check for his level of ‘kekuningan’ huhu..the doctor asked my mother ‘why did you have to put on this barut perut?’ so my mother told him about how that was the way things go for newborns..back since she herself had us..so..the doctor answered ‘i’m sorry but i want this thing to be taken off..angin tak masuk ikut pusat..pusat takde lubang..kalau angin nak masuk pun..angin boleh tembusi kain barut ni..babies should be wearing diapers only..’ adeh..memang kalah with his explanation..balik rumah cuba tak pakai barut..and yess..my son kembung sekejap..menangis tak selesa..kebetulan atau tak..i don’t know..huhu.. so..we as Malay mothers..let’s just follow the ‘rule’ hehe..and actually..i didn’t make any new barut perut as i was using my own barut perut when i was a baby..yes..my mom tempah khas and it was still in the best condition after 26 years!!kain putih bersih takde tompok2 or whatsoever..i was really impressed and touched huhu..and kain lampin..i bought a few just in case..and i used it for bathing the baby..before b athing..after i took his clothes and diapers off i would wrap him in kain lampin and took it off when bathing him..after bathing only i wrapped him in the towel..

So: to summarize-

‘barut perut’ : 5 to 10 pieces (bare in mind that during the day or night you may have to change the barut perut quite a few times especially when the baby mengalami ‘kebocoran’ dalam dua keadaan:pupi&wiwi..hihi)

Lampin : 5 pieces or one set

Towel : 2 to three (these are to washed selang two days macam tu after being used..huhu..babies need good hygiene!

Milk Bottles

The amount : well, basically..we’ll need two..one of the medium size (for milk) and another the smallest in size (for plain water)..two is enough especially when you are brestfeeding..but if you cannot provide enough breast milk for your baby..have two bottles for formula milk..as for me..i had quite a few as i asked my sister who was in the uk to buy some..and i also bought some here..huhu..but basically..as a start..two or three is enough..

Breast pumping

Okay..this is actually one of the things that i quite regret..we did bought a breast pump..but not a good one..one reason that my milk got dried out quickly was because i went to my induction course when aqil was 4 months old..and for me..if i had a good breast pump set i’d be able to pump my milk in the right way and my milk won’t dry up..so..for all mummies to be..buy good sets of breast pump machine huhu..insyaAllah..for my next baby..i will buy good ones..they even have milk bottles, bags, mini freezer and containers in one set together with the pump..

Brands for the above

For bottle..i so love AVENT bottles because of the big surface size where it is easy for you to scoop in the powdered milk..and the bottle susah nak jadi keruh..if you buy a set you will get two small sized and two large sized bottles including the bottle brush and a few nipples..die punye nipples banyak jenis untuk disesuaikan dengan umur and keadaan baby kita..it is up to us to suit them according to our baby..like my aqil..i am using nipple number two..if number 3 or 4 terlalu laju pengaliran susu for him..huhu..but always be reminded..mother’s milk is the best!!huhu..(my heart ache when thinking of my ‘disability’..i’m gonna do better for my other kids insyaAllah..)..and there’s also Tommy Tippee..etc..and if you are using brands like anakku ke pureen ke please buy a different type of putting untuk botol susu tu for newborns..the brand is PIGEON where milk or water will only come out if it is sucked by the baby..this is to elakkan baby tersedak which is very dangerous for newborns huhu..for breast pump ade Medela, Avent pun ade...make the best choice okay..tak rugi..it can be used for a long duration of time..

Cloth Diaper vs disposable Diapers..

Ini satu lagi benda yang i regretted huhu..i only found out about cloth diapers several months after i have given birth to aqil..so now..at this juncture of time..i am buying the CDs for my aqil..just bought two and the inserts from an online shop..CDs are more environmental and they can save cost untuk jangka masa panjang huhu..they are so awesome!!!so mommies to be..i suggest that you go for CDs..you will be pregnant for 9 months so buy a CD per month and you’ll have enough CD by the time you have your baby..no need to buy disposable diapers anymore!!Visit lunatots or other sites which offers the best price for cloth diapers!

Baby cot

Well..emm..i bought one and it can be turned into a single bed (the left and right panel can be taken off) when the our baby can sleep on his own without falling off the bed. and it can be used at two levels..mase baby kecik2 boleh guna level yang paling atas..when our baby dah pandai panjat2 sume lower down to level yang paling bawah..for safety..Some people does not like to use cots as they prefer to sleep with their babies on their bed..i used to sleep with my aqil on the bed and my husband on another bed when but only until he was like 6 months macam tu..and then i let him sleep in his cot without no pillows. It is not advisable to put pillows for babies not until they reach the age of two. Now and then aqil will get up at night for his milk and since he handles and holds his bottle brilliantly by himself since a few months back..i would just wait until he finishes the milk and gets back to sleep. And lately i’ve been telling my husband that i wanted to take off the panels and train aqil to sleep on his single bed..unfortunately he said that aqil’s a baby..no..no..bukan masanya lagi..nanti jatuh tergoleh..jatuh tingkap macam baby dalam berita..(walaupun our house satu tingkat dan window tinggi dari paras lantan dan ada grill)..bla bla..he’ll go on and on and i surrender..adeh..kate adventurous =p

my aqil's cot from IKEA

Baby changing table

Yes..!for my next baby..i will buy a changing table..why and why and why...?because it hurts so much when changing your baby’s diaper or putting his or her clothes after bathing time..my back hurts so much kalau terbongkok aje sambil duduk..so..buy one for your own comfort..i started taking care of my baby masa dalam pantang lagi so these things penting untuk our body in the future..huhu..IKEA has a good one..

Baby stroller & Baby car seat & Baby sling

All of the above is a must for me..some people prefer the baby sling than the baby stroller..well to be truthful..i find both equally useful for me..i will use them according to suitability..and the baby seat plays a great role..travelling back and forth from Pahang to Kelantan to Kedah to Pahang again..aqil can sleep for 4 hours straight on his car seat when we are travelling..there is a wide range of brands that you can choose from..i planned to buy a ‘so cool and smart’ stroller for aqil but didn’t make it a dream come true as i had one as a baby gift..i bought the sling (which i prefer most of the time) in an online shop..and the car seat at a store here in Malaysia..easy peasy..

whoaa...quite a long list hihi..i learn a lot of things from my first baby..hopefully i can do better for my second one..huhu..

*ibu loves you aqil*

dining out with the girls

2010-05-24T04:47:00.001-07:00

have put the little one to sleep..

am going out with my girlfriends..

middle earth here we come....!

the three of us

2010-05-20T17:19:00.000-07:00

hehe..my only husband is back..owh..
on the day that he got back..only i realized..
how much i missed him..
and our aqil missed him too i guess..
tak berenggang dengan ayahnya..

the ting tong us

our one and only apple of our eyes..

*i love you both*

a lovely time with the girls

2010-05-19T22:58:00.000-07:00

with my one and only along

along again

la la la

with my dearest afzan

my only beep

with dearest nurul

kami merasmikan katil dulu before pengantin hihi

with mcyan aka my beloved besan

papee sayang!!

a sexy pose

a happy pose

a glee pose

the never ending pose

i've wanting to upload the pictures from my aifa's wedding dah lame..tapi tak terupload..so sekarang ni dalam mood rindukan my grilfriends and the time spent with them..i'd like to upload the pictures that i have taken with some of my girlfriends..yang lain tak dapat mengattendkan diri..hihi..but you guys are terribly missed okay..

exam mode makes me boring huhu

2010-05-19T22:12:00.000-07:00

hihi..boring sampai tahap ape..padahal keje banyak lagi yang tertunggak wuwu..

anyway..this final hour of school..i have decided to devote myself only to my pinky lappy..

had a great chit chat with the girls last night (but chicky did go to bed earlier than the two of us..hihi and papee_wished you were here!))..talked to my darling beep sampai midnight and after that susah dah kami nak lelap huhu..talked about love..life..friends..people..sampai at one point we realized how serious our topic of conversation was haha..blame our mouths yang tak berhenti bercakap pot pet..

as i lay down on the bed unable to doze straight off..looking at my little prince who is growing up ever so fast..i felt really blessed to have these few people around me..my best friends..whoa..i wonder..who else is working in another state (not your hometown) and at the same time you have your bestfriends working in the same state as you are?your bestfriends for life from the university huhu..wah..i love them and the others (you know who you are) that i kept telling myself (and sometimes to my sister) how lucky i am to be able to be gifted as a person with all these good kind hearted people?..even my sister also said 'bertuah kaklong ada kawan2 bestfriends macam tu..'..

i guess i am lucky..very lucky..and i pray that our friendship+sisterlyhood(do we have this word?) will remain until the day i die..amin..

little aqil: ibu pray aqil jugak akan ade this one bunch of beautiful people like i have right now as your bestfriends one day..hihi..

this is what happens when a teacher is totally bored..and..emm..don't mind the serabai me hehe..

the eye that made me cried

2010-05-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

before his eye got swollen

huhu..aqil sakit mata..ketumbit or i don't know..went to syai's since friday tapi tutup until yesterday..huhu..ni dok membengkak lagi..

sian my baby..

i cried the whole morning just by looking at the eye..sedih..

and as for tomorrow..mr. H will be going away to kuantan for three days..isk isk..

i will be left with aqil and his swollen eye..

the eye that hurts me a lot..

huhu..

imagine wiiii

2010-05-14T20:43:00.000-07:00

am at school..

training the little ones..

for performing a choir..for hari guru..

on a glee song..

imagine..

loving it..

alhamdulillah

2010-05-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

am feeling better today.

had homemade banana cake for breakfast (there goes my so called oaty brekie)

gulpe down freshly squeezed orange juice and lotsa plain water yesterday.

feeling good..

*Mr. H has to go away for three days next week..adoi..will be alone with little aqil*

i am so not comfortable

2010-05-11T18:46:00.000-07:00

am havin a stuffed nose.

flu.

hopefully no fever.

can't really breath.

*sigh*

*praying that my aqil will not be affected*

babies are the best gifts

2010-05-10T19:43:00.000-07:00

a picture of my darling after bathing and putting on his clothes..rambut belum sikat..

my besties's blog was all about her newborn niece and how she adores and misses her 24/7..i do understand that feeling..it is the most beautiful feeling..and yes..it will be more beautiful and meaningful if we have one of our own..
*your time will come sayang..and i am sure you'll be a great mother* hugs..

as for my aqil..about two more weeks to go and he'll be one year..reaching his toddler years..and up until now..there's the feeling of guilt..regret..sad..because the one thing that i wish i could do is be with him take good care of him nurture him teach him things day and night..i don't want to work..i want to stay with him..be there for him..so that he doesn't have to be with other people other than his own mother..

*i guess mr. Ridzuan has to do something to get him to be a millionaire so that i do not have to work..muahaha*

-which is impossible-

ibu loves you aqil..so much..

on the way out to celebrate mother's day hihi..

every moment spent with you is treasured..

aqil going one year...

2010-05-02T20:14:00.000-07:00

gosh..time flies really fast isn't it..

wondering whether after all this while..reaching one year..have i been a good mother to him..implementing good values..showing appropriate emotions..good examples of characters and behaviours..

there's so many things to think about..hopefully Allah has given him a good mother..what i have..hopefully he'll be proud of..one day..when he understands things..

my aqil now..

can wave bye bye (when told to do so or when other people wave at him he'll wave back' and at the same time utters 'bah bah' while waving
loves to hug and kiss me..
has a tooth..only one tooth! (which worries me in a way hu..planning to see his birth doctor when going back to kb later)..
loves to eat..
everytime i'm putting him to bed..he would want to play with my face before he dozes off..this particular moment i love so much because it's like our 'us time' away from any noise and etc..when he is well asleep then i'll put him into his bed..
loves 'talking' and giggling to his two giant charts of body parts and nouns which i've pasted onto the wall..
apart from playing with his favourite toys..he now loves to read books in his own way!which is by taking the books off the rack..spreading each of it here and there..opening each book..each page..pointing and mumbling to himself..and whenever i want to join him..he'll laugh and kiss me and poke the book onto my forehead..okay..i wonder what is the message..huhu..and it hurts..
he crawls and pick up things so fast!i wonder where he gets the energy from..
his sleeping pattern is more consistent..
his hair has never been so gorgeous!
loves to watch and listen to 'baa baa blacksheep'..and everytime he sees the video or hear the song..he'll go ba ba too..and nobody can block his view on the screen..or he'll push your head away like you're as tiny as a cat's head haha..
i'm a GLEEK so i've as the husband to download GLEE songs with the lyrics and i so love to sing them while carrying aqil on me..and while i sing to the song..he'll sing too in his own way hi hi..love to do this when aqil's feeling restless or etc..he'll brighten up right away..
'PEEKABOO' is his favourite and he will laugh his heart out when we play the game..or our version of 'HIDE and SEEK'..which we started to play last week..this i know will be his all time favourite game too..woohooo..

i guess having a baby can sometimes or..for me..most of the time brings out the baby or childish side of me..the darling husband of mine would always laugh at me or say 'Sayang..ya Allah..' haha...i love you dear..

this parenthood..has taught us..a lot of things..and yes..being a parent also means an ongoing learning experience for both of us..and apart of all the tears..laughters..smiles..exchanging glances between us..looking at how grown our aqil is..and how fast he is growing..we thank Allah..for all his blessings..Alhamdulillah..

each bubble presents all the feelings we'll encounter..they'll come and they'll go..

some will go in a blink of an eye..and some will last a little longer..but still..they'll be gone..

thank you Allah for giving us our aqil..and may he be a good muslim and a good human being..

yes..enjoy every moment that we have with each other..and never forget Allah..amin..

mommy blogging monster is back!hee..

2010-04-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

whoa..it has been a while..the past few days has been..oh gosh..it's undescribable if we can have that word huhu..especially the days of last week..huhu..when i think about it..i'd feel the shudder..of terror and wanting to cry huhu..it was aqil's first admission to the children's ward at hospital jerantut..huhu..adeh..

it started as a fever when he has gotten from me on saturday..on sunday it didn't stop and his temperature increased during the night and in fact at 1.15 a.m we brought him to the ER as his temperature tak turun..dah jelung dah bagi medicine masih tak turun..i was afraid of the sawan thing (nauzubillah)..sampai ER terus nurse and MA suruh jirus badan..and the temperature terus turun..a little later we went back home..isnin pagi mula okay..tengahari to petang siap berpeluh lagi..but malam je terus naik dan naik..and at 4 o'clock his temperature was 40.2 and we jirus him and went straight to ER and the doctor came and do check ups and in a blurry mind (caused by no sleep and eating disorder) i walked to the ward and was seated by a bed and at that time i realised..Ya Allah..we are being admitted..a feeling of sadness..frustrations and scared was all over me..i was like..what have i done..why can't i take good care of my baby..what did i do wrong sampai my baby kene masuk ward..isk isk..my husband never left my side and in the darkness (as everyone else was still sleeping) he was consoling me hugging me telling me that everything was gonna be alright.,.and i didn't even put aqil down..he stayed in my arms..i was at the bottom of emotion..then i started to jelung him..my whole body my clothes was soaked wet and my aqil was wearing only his diapers..it was a moment which i could never forget..

but above all of that..i realised a few things from the admission..

*bile suhu naik sangat..jirus anak like mandikan macam tu slowly*

*never hesitate to go the doctor bile rase teruk sangat*

*don't ever wait tunggu je sampai anak sawan*

*not all doctors and nurses in government hospitals are cold (although i've encountered a few nurses yang memang buat diriku menangis)..the doctors were wonderful..and the makcik pencuci also baik sangat2*

*toilet hospital kerajaan walaupun scary tapi bersih sangat*

*i have a few people in my life yang sangat2 baik..my families..my bestfriends aka sisters for life..makcik (nanny aqil)..and mak and abah and adik2..*

*my role as a mother to aqil requires me to be strong physically and mentally..which i would try from time to time to be stronger and stronger..well..i really can't help myself looking at my aqil crying out of pain bile nak cucuk jarum untuk masuk air ke..menangis sebab demam ke..it really touches my heart..adeh*

*i would not have the strenght to go through the thoughest moment ever if it weren't for my darling husband+family+bestfriends..*

thanks to mak, ayah and moktok for taking a two days leave from their work (ayah who is at his busiet and mak..)..my love and thanks to my baby sister for reminding me that i have to be strong and that everything's gonna be okay..thank you to my darling besties aka sisters for life for being with me all the way..thank you to mak abah and adik2 for having the three of us in your family..and thank you to abang..for believing in me..thank you for being with me..thak you for loving me..and thank you for being you..

*i love every single person in my life*

*thank you Allah for all of your blessings*

the first few hours of his fever time

he could still smile mase ni..

in the ward already..no more of his smile and his playful nature..first day at the hospital

first day..baru boleh tidur atas bed..if not was in my arms all the time..

dah discharged and ibu and aqil dah di rumah wiii!!!

at this time..the real aqil was back in action!

blogging monsters woohoooo!

2010-04-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

me and darling beep are now attached to that name..blogging monsters hehe..it's some kind of a rush which i think landed on her first..and then me..

so actually..apart from the fact that i was actually influenced by her..i really feel that my english skills are deteriorating in a way..so i chose blogging as an alternative..hehe..another reason why blogging became such an addictive is because i had my new baby days ago..huhu..my adik2 kept telling me "you need a new laptop" (as the previous one dah ting tong sgt2)..and there goes my money huhu..

but okay..i'm in love with it..and it actually made me more comfortable in surfing and blogging my way while at school (when i'm free of course)..huhu..i have this uneasy feeling and there's always a bit of guilt inside me whenever i use the school's computer to surf the internet..i feel that it doesn't really belong to me and i have no right to use it for personal purpose huhu..except for when it comes to school's paperwork..huhu..

*love love love*

finding a nanny!

2010-04-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

huhu..it's quite hard to decide on who is the best person to be taking care of our aqil..i mean the best person is me..the mother is the most suitable person to take care of an infant..there'll be the never ending love, attention and support..imagine sending your child away to another person..whom you might not know how she'll treat your baby..a stranger..who was not the one carrying your baby for the whole nine months..pushing nearly an hour and passed out when the baby came out..adoi..

his playful nature

his sleeping position

i love him dearly

housekeeping!

2010-04-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

as a working mother, it is very tiring and stressful to maintain a totally clean and beautiful house with superb deco. i took the time during aqil's napping time in the afternoon (from 3 to 7 app) which he mostly sleeps like an hour or so or early in the morning at 5 to 6 as i get up to get ready for work..to do all the tidying bit here and there..yesterday..i managed to clean up the living room while aqil was sleeping and while watching glee on star world at around 6 o'clock. i cleaned up until tertidur di atas sofa. and too note here that cleaning in my context is crawling around searching for his toys here and there and putting them into his toy bin..pushing the 'always moving couch' and the arranging the scattered cushion (which were very hard to maintain)..putting away unnecessary items on the dining table especially those which belong to my dearly beloved husband..adoi..everytime i nag nag nag he'd just say sorry sorry sorry sayang..adeh..penat..i was awakened by my husband asking me whether i've performed my asar prayers and said he was gonna go for his badminton session.

and..owh i was too excited that is why i wanted to make it as my blog entry..the condition of the whole living room which i managed to clean up lasted until this very morning!!i have no idea how that happened as my boys were 'lepaking' on the couch an d on the carpet as usual but still..the living room look fab (in it's own moderate way) huhu..i only needed to put aqil's toys into his bin back before going to sleep last night..which has been a while..the usual is that the whole room would be upside down (literally) after a few minutes or an hour after i cleaned it up..gosh..i'm so thankful for that..my boys behaved well last night hihi..

the nearly 'untouchable' couch huhu..

my clear fluffy wuffy carpet..

wah..you can even see the floor shing under the soft lighting wii..and the before picture of this..you would not want to see..huhu..

note : the small rug under the cabinet is lying nicely..which is like awesome because it never lasted longer than a minute looking like that with my aqil crawling around!!ermm..i guess he didn't crawl that much last night huhu..

*wonder what it'll be like when i get back home today..and i'm having an extra class so will be reaching home only when it is like 4.45 to 5 o'clock..i wouldn't put too much hope..huhu*

cooking fever..

2010-04-05T19:54:00.000-07:00

okay..i've been invaded by a cooking fever! - there goes my so called diet which i promised to myself to not let it slip away huhu..well maybe it's not the time yet..but..i do eat less nowadays seriously..and the cooking fever is for me to cook special dishes for my darling husband..so actually..it doesn't hurt that much isn't it..huhu..

and yesterday..coming back from the nanny hunting for our aqil..i brought out all the ingredients and yes...spaghetti with meatballs on the way..my husband got really excited and kept saying to our aqil "wah bestnye ibu masak special"..to show that it's been a while for me cooking everyday for the past weeks huhu..so here it is..my own spaghetti recipe..

the recipe is sooo simple..

tomatoe sauce - as much as you want depending on your taste buds and how many people you would want
to serve..
chopped garlic
chopped onions
oregano (powdered)
salt to taste
and you can add in dried basil leaves to if you want..

the recipe for the meatballs..

beef burger slices (you can use minced meat but there were some beef burger slices so i decided to go for that)
some daun ketumbar or daun sup or daun bawang
salt and pepper to taste
cheese (any type)

mix the beef slices with all the ingredients except the cheese
roll the mixture into a ball and put the cheese into the middle of the meatball..it's like cheesy meatballs wii..

before serving..after you have fried the meatballs separately..add the fried balls into the spaghetti gravy..and pour onto your pasta which i chose spaghetti..of course..duh..yummy!!

and oh God..i had some chocolate cake leftovers from yesterday..

shoot..

a few more inchies added to the already large waist..d***.

but don't you think the look of this piece is really tempting? *sigh*

i heart weekends!

2010-04-05T18:37:00.000-07:00

Sunday - had nasi kerabu time with bestie hani..she made the sambal and air lada and tumis which were superb and i did the tiny bits..had a grrrreeeaaatttt lunch...

*i always love the fact that my home will always be attended by the ones i love*

And..when everybody has gone back home..including my sister..went back home..a rush of feeling..wanting to bake something came over me..and yess...i baked a moist chocolate cake wii..an old time favourite..the initial plan was to try out my kenwood food processor which my sister bought me when she was in the uk..and me..being the traditional me when it comes to baking (i like to hand stir all the ingredients when baking a cake or cookies..i love the theme of 'handmade' when it comes to this hihi)..and the butter and sugar only lasted for less than 10 minutes in the food processor..i took them out and hand stirred them..(my husband actually helped me and stirred until the butter and sugar became fluffy whit wiii-what good are the strong muscular hands if they are not for helping the wives..hihi..)..baked the cake in the oven and ta da......

it was doubled layered (with melted cadbury choc added with milk (or you can use cream but unfortunately we don't have cream in stores here) and topped with the same melted chocolate and some flaked almonds hihi..brought it to school the next day and it was a hit..wiii....

*my husband loved it so much that he was like 'banyak ke nak bawak pegi sekolah?untuk abang kat rumah tinggal banyak mane? hihi..and i smiled at the fact that before this..he does not really like cakes..hihi..

aqil+moody mode

2010-03-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

for the past few days..he's been quite a cry baby..cries all the time..adeh..made me to come up with several jokes+actions to cheer him up..

kalau orang tengok mesti tak tergamak hehe..

is it time?

2010-03-30T22:10:00.000-07:00

food..one of the things that i love most..huhu..i always thought how can i live my life without eating my favourite food..i mean i do have to eat but how can i go on living eating only the 'healthy based' food only..huhu..and i'm used to eating night and day..if it's only in a small amount then fine..but i only go for big portions so how..huhu..my heart will ache..but..i think it's time..

my favourite version of french toast..i've eaten this two days straight so it's not that hard to say goodbye for a while..i guess..

the table that i'd set one night for a lovely dinner with besties beep+hani..i can do this one..won't have to say goodbye for this..hehe..

and exercise..i've been pushed by my abang..almost everyday..in fact..he pushed me into a sports shop to buy a pair of running shoes..it's up till that level..how he thinks that i'm damaging my health..and my shape..haha..i hate you for that but i love you for other things..

i think it is time..it is only up to me..to bring it forward..or to be disciplined for a few hours or days or month..

ya Allah..berikan ku kekuatan..i must do this..amin..

a message to my aqil on his coming soon 10th month birthday

2010-03-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

a love note
for muhammad aqil bin muhamad ridzuan

my baby,
i've always talked to you pretty much about the things that i am gonna be talking about..but i guess you don't really get what i meant when i said the words as you'd only stare at me and smile and when i smiled back you'd kiss my face or in other words bite me here and there and leave your saliva all over me huhu..but i love you no matter how..

so far..i tried as much to not failing to tell you that i miss you so much while i'm away at work and i love you so much a few times a day..and i never fail to give you hundreds of kisses everyday and in fact i kissed you more that i kissed your father nowadays hehe..but i'll try to make it up by doing what your ayah loves to do which is everytime he kisses you i'll be getting one two right away.and we'd always smile to your ayah as if we had just gotten chocolate bars from him..hihi..and talking about chocolate bars..yes..you'll be experiencing your bits of chocolate bar on your 10th month bday..let's pick 'crunchies' from cadbury this time okay?hihi..

i'd like you to know that everytime i leave you to your wan every morning, my heart kinds of felt a slight pain..i feel that i'm the one who should be taking care of you 24/7..you don't deserve to be left with someone else..i should be the only one looking after you.and not forgetting how pitiful i am towards your wan to have to take care of you huhu..and truthfully..i sometimes prefer to be a stay at home mom doing online business or etc and being able to look after you be there for you every day without fail..*sigh* but i can't do that sayang..i love my teaching (although i am lazy at times and remember you can't be lazy all the time) and i need to earn money for our living..helping your ayah..hmm..but i wish i could do that someday..everytime i tell your ayah about this..he'd said.."boleh..bila abang jadi jutawan"..hmm..meaning that i can only dream then huhu..

i also like you to know that i am sorry sometimes i lose myself when you are way..you know..sometimes coming back from work..with the long and winding journey back and forth..the heat..i tend to lose it when watching you create an earthquake with your toys and books..crawling to places..climbing up things which could be dangerous for you..crying as if you are in a total pain although it's just to show that you are hungry..huhu..i tend to lose it..by calling your name with a higher pitch..i am really sorry..but i love you..and i didn't mean any of the things i say..okay..?because sometimes..i could feel that you can understand that i am angry with you because you'd make a sad face and cry without the tears and came crawling up my body..and i'd kissed you and said i'm sorry everytime kan..so i hope you do forgive me sayang..huhu..

but apart from that..i'd also like you to know that although it does irritate me to have to 'catch up' with you everytime you crawl to experience the side of your own world which you think is so facsinating (altough it's just your mommy's sony ericsson charger attached to the plug which i haven't pulangkan yet huh i love you babe!) and when i said 'aqil no no no ibu says no'..and you'd turn around to me and do nothing but smile and continue your exploration..it tickles my heart and i'd laugh to myself..and it feels heaven..huhu..and everytime i said kiss ibu kiss ibu you would hug me and bite me and drool over my face..it feels nice..and i feel loved..totally..hihi..and i love it everytime we ride in the car..with you in the car seat..me driving..and i'd talk to you about my day and asking you how yours was after picking you up from your wan's..huhu..you seem to understand and would utter your limited syllables as if responding to my words..huhu..and i love it how you cling to me when i wear you with the baby sling..that's why i quite dislike putting you on the stroller..huhu..how can i be apart from you i do not know how..and oh i love to see you playing with water everytime you have your daily bath or weekend 'bathing in the pool'..you enjoyed so much that you keep screaming all the way..

it's been a journey..one journey which i'd treasure for the rest of my life..one day you'll grow older and i'll miss all of these moment..i love the feeling of being loved by you..your needing of me..i am your hero and will always be your hero as long as you need me..and hopefully..one day..you'll be my hero too..

i love you..happy 10th month birthday..

rough days

2010-03-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

it always has been heart breaking when seeing aqil getting sick..he'll become less active..tend to cry most of the time..laugh less..pity my baby..

and everytime this happens..i'm all heart broken because at some point i feel that it's part of my fault..if he's breastfeeding..maybe he won't get sick easily..he'll have more antibody..if i had more knowledge on going breastfeeding exclusively before he was born..i would have known what i should do to be able to breastfeed him fully and have the satisfaction to truly be a good mother to my baby..*sobsob*..and not losing the ability to breastfeed my baby within a short period of time..

i miss the time when he'd fall asleep after drinking my own milk..i miss to see him smiling while sleeping upon my chest..knowing that i am able to help him not feel hungry and sleep soundly without the help of anything else specifically formula milk..

i made a promise to myself..things would be different for our second baby..i'd do what i was supposed to do..InsyaAllah..

i'm sorry baby..but i love you..

my baby aqil at the age of 9 going 10 month!

2010-03-21T22:43:00.000-07:00

*getting more manja..
*his teeth are coming out wii....!!
*is excited..very very excited when we teach him how to kiss and salam with people..
*giggles by himself while playing with his beloved toys ; mr. libby, mr. deerie and his car steering set..and he also giggles when looking at and touching (reading in our language) his books..ahh..we would watch without him noticing and exchange smiles..this moment..i love..hihi..
*loves to crawl up to us and hug us and kiss us..(kiss us in hi s way is by biting our parts of faces)..leaving his saliva and red marks all over our faces..especially mine..hu..
*knows when his ayah says 'jom serang ibu'..he'll quickly climb onto me and do his so called 'attack'..adeh..anak and ayah sama aje..semput dibuat nya..
*knows how to hold his bottle all by himself..
*when eating,if he feels like drinking, he'll grab his water bottle by himself and drink by himself..adeh dah besar anak ibu..

i love you so much aqil..

getaway..

2010-03-04T18:20:00.001-08:00

will pack up things..and go somewhere..
with my aqil..
aqil teman ibu ye..
am needing a break..
from all these..
Ya Allah..tabahkan hati hamba mu..
amin..

tired+frustrated+sad

2010-02-10T20:43:00.000-08:00

it's a very tiring week..tuesday was the only day which i get to relax myself..
all the feelings..got jumbled up..
why? i guess sometimes things are not fair..well..life's not fair..
can't wait for this coming holiday..
family time plus my best friend's wedding..yippie!
they are my world..they bring sunshine to me..
*hugs and kisses*

*notes to my aqil*
sorry sayang..ibu makin kurang masa dengan aqil..
i'll make it up with a walk in the park later okay..you and me..
*kisskiss*

aqil's life vs my own life

2010-02-08T17:43:00.000-08:00

*aqil at the age of 8 month*

*loves to climb up our body..and when he is standing..he'll jump up and down while holding onto us..
*loves watching 'dibo the gift dragon', 'barney', 'thomas and friends' and 'wordworld'
*seorang penggeli di bahagian ketiak..when i tickle him he'll laugh his heart out..
*loves sleeping on my shoulder..and sometimes we have to purposely sit with him in the car to make him sleep because he sleeps easier when there is an aircond..adeh..
*enjoys his ride in the car..he'll be in his car seat and menikmati every moment..except when he has a bad mood..hehe..
*loves playing with flowing curtains..
*loves playing chasing ants on the floor while crawling hehe..

*aqil's ibu at the age of 27*

*is getting fatter day by day and in fact..i am now at the heaviest weight ever!uwwaaaa
*sometimes very serabai..time ade mood aje baru dress up..huhu..
*stamina sangat low..letih memanjang adeh..
*can't stop thinking about aqil 24/7
*loves aqil so much
*loves being with aqil..
*wants to be there for aqil..always..insyaAllah..
*wants to give aqil the best of things in life..

*loves aqil so much (once again and again and again)..

my life does change after having my baby aqil..a lot..but at times..i do have my own 'me time'..and everytime i am having the 'me time'..i can't stop thinking about my aqil..thanks to my abang..he always understands and let me have my 'me time' with my girlfriends or my siblings..or just me..huhu..i do need that sometimes..whatever it is..i am not sad..don't feel any regret..for all the changes..(except for the getting fatter part uwaaa)..because i..have..my own..aqil..hehe..muah2!

the continuation

2010-02-07T17:40:00.000-08:00

*nearly 7 p.m, 6.30 something gitu*
the pain dah selang seminit setengah..all of us..mak ayah ayuni aiman and my abang semua tgk jam kira mase..haha..looking back..it was fun huhu..so we called the nurse..she came and went to ask the doctor and she came back once again bringing a wheel chair.."it's time..jom masuk labour room" she said..so i got on the chair..feeling excited haha..i finally get to see my baby wi..on our way to the labour room..i smiled to everyone who i came upon huhu..in fact...as i was getting onto the bed..a lovely makcik..the mother of a patient (besides my labour room who's been in the labour room since 4 p.m) came to see me said "oloh..buleh senyum lagi" hihi..my abang helped me to put on my labour baju hihi..he didn't say anything..he just smiled to me..oh i can see that he was scared hehe..me too..but the excitement was overwhelming..apelah adlina ni..huhu..then ayah and abang stood on both sides of my bed..untuk teman me..huhu..i love you ayah and abang..mak and ayuni and aiman went back home to settle things..the pain came and went..and it grew stronger..i never stopped reciting surah nabi nuh and a few ayat suci Al-quran yang mak and kawan2 mak pesan suruh hafal..huhu..then azan maghrib..abang went out to pray first..then i asked ayah "what about kaklong ayah?" ayah said "kaklong boleh hormat waktu. solat sambil baring.."..Alhamdulillah..dalam kesakitan i managed to pray..semoga Allah menerima solatku dan akan ku qadakkan nanti..huhu..

*8 something p.m*
earlier..the doctor injected something after i got on the labour bed..at that actually made me sleepy..when the pain attacked,i'd wake up..then when it reduced i'd doze off..the nurse said it was to sustain my energy..i'll automatically wake up when the pain was there..then the pain grew stronger and stronger..it was like senggugut yang teruk+cirit birit yang teruk..memulas2..but up to that moment i only look at ayah and abang and whisper "ayah sakit..abang sakit.."then ayah said "sabar sayang..ingat Allah.."and right form the start,i could see ayah never stopped saying his prayers while standing beside me..and abang..his face was pale and he kept saying sabar sayang sabar sayang and never let go of my hand..and hugged me everytime i told him it was painful huhu..then isya's came and at that moment the pain was unbearable..dah tak boleh nak hormat solat isya' dah..before this i could hear the nurses saying to themeselves "bagusnya patient ni.senyap aje senyum aje"..but now..i started telling to the nurse (i forgot to mention but while i was in the labour room, right from the start, there was always a nurse with me rubbing my legs chatting with me and ayah and abang telling me that it's gonna be allright..thank you kak..although your rubbing did not reduce the pain but thank you for being there ;)) "kak..sakitnyo kak..tak tahan dah ni.."

*9 something p.m*
before this..the nurses pesan kalau rase macam nak terpupi and terwiwi cakap..cause that means it was time to push huhu..and now..yes.. i felt like 'pupiing' so much..the kakak asked me to lie on my side..at that time i was holding to abang until his collar went loose..i pulled his shirt to show him how painful it was..all i remember at that time was how painful it was..aduh..sakit..

*9.30 p.m*
the doctor came in and she was suprised to see that i was 9cm dialated.."wan..it is time"..she said..and they said something about "tak semestinya yang sakit dulu beranak dulu"..maybe they were referring to the kakak besides my room..huhu..then..the doctor and the nurses(there were 4 of them with me, ayah had to go out dah..and he is with ayuni just outside the room which is like less that 5 metres away from me which abled them to hear everything that was going on inside and mak went further because she could not stand listening to my ouch ouch hehe and she was crying because she kesian me..mak..i love you..)..taught me the right way to push..(which i did not really master up till the baby came out haha)...then there were words of encouragement from the nurses and the doctor.."allahuakbar..allah..allah..adlina boleh buat..cepat adlina cepat kesian baby..salah push tu salah lagi lagi..tahan nafas tahan nafas..and everytime i felt the contraction coming which meant that it was time to push..i'd be like "okay doctor okay doctor boleh dah boleh dah" and the doctor would "okay wan come on wan" and i pushed and pushed and when the baby still did not come out i would ask the doctor "doctor betul dah ke cara saya push" and after that everytime i've pushed i would ask the same question to the doctor..sampai doctor dengan nurses macam nak tergelak..patient banyak cakap hehe..and i remembered the final time i pushed i could feel the most unbelievable pain down there..macam terkoyak perit pedih sume ade..and then the doctor said 'doktor nak gunting sikit ni wan' and i felt the 'krapp' and the blood mengalir and i pushed and i pushed and i went blank..

*10.24 p.m*
i went unconcious for a few seconds..yes..hehe..pushed too hard i guess hehe..i came back into reality bile doctor panggil "wan wan this is your baby..look at him look at him"..and she put the my baby onto my chest..wah..that was beautiful..and.."sayang..anak kite dah keluar sayang isk sik"..haha..my abang was crying sampai teresak besides me..wah..that one was another beautiful moment..everytime i ungkit kat die..he'd just smile and touch my hand..huhu..i love you sayang..and later mak and ayuni came running in..and we cried and hugged each other..and ayah..hehe..he did not come in to see me..but instead he went staright near to the nurse who was cleaning up aqil..to see his grandson..hehe..i love you ayah..

and the pain or whatsoever that we had to go through after that..jahitan (sakit mase nak bius but after that tak rase ape2 dah..don't worry soon to become mothers..hehe..) time tarik uri..time doktor korek darah2 beku..those things..kite dah tak kisah..rase sakit..tapi rase lega and bahagia dah melampaui segala2nya..alhamdulillah..thank you Allah for giving us the opportunity to feel all this..amin..

and up until now..my darling muhammad aqil..never fails to delight us..with every little move..every little giggle..every little gestures of love..below are some of aqil's habits which my abang and i love about him so much..
*now his way of kissing me is by sucking my face sampai merah
*he loves to hug and being hugged huhu..
*he loves to giggle out loud..
*he loves to say out syllables yang bunyi macam Allah Allah..
*when he cries because of pain he'll reach out his hands to me and say 'ibu ibu'..in a baby talk way..huhu..this..i love the most..
*he loves books but not to read but to be read out to him (especially when we make funny noises while reading him a story) and he loves eating them..so we bought him a soft book from ikea and he loves it so much! (worth the price*winkwink*)
*he loves his mr libby and mr deerie so much
*he loves playing with his toys when it is play time..
*he loves oranges and tak boleh tgk orang makan..mesti buat muka kesian..
*he loves to ride in cars and go somewhere..melancong jalan2..macam his ibu..hehe..
*he loves his bathing time..he loves to play with water..kalau time mandi..bukak aje baju..kalau mood tak berape elok terus berubah jadi happy sangat2 sampai terlompat2..so yesterday we bought him a small pool..very cute and educational siap ade tower2 lagi..by 'toys r us'

hehe..alhamdullillah..am living a blissful life with my abang and my aqil..my two heroes..and i'm their queen..hehe..amin..

crawling aqil

2010-02-03T21:44:00.000-08:00

alhamdulillah..finally..he crawled yesterday..my other hero is getting bigger so fast..felt that it was just yesterday that i was holding a smaller him in my arms..so today..i would like to share my experience in the process of giving birth..to my little aqil..literally..err because he was quite big when he came out..hehe..

so this would be like the continuation of the admission thingy hehe..

*monday - 1st of June, 4.30 a.m*
i got up early..as usual..because it was hard to sleep soundly when you have the biggest tummy ever..there's the back pain..and the little pain here and there in those parts below..did my solat tahajud, solat taubat and solat sunat..and recited the Al-Quran..Alhamdulillah..i felt scared but was at ease and felt peaceful everytime i prayed to Allah s.w.t. Amin..today is IT. Before this..during my final trimester..i've always been scared..anticipating the pain..what would it feel like..how long do i get to experience the pain before my baby comes out..but to day..i knew that i'll be feeling the pain..and i would see the baby..it's only the matter of how long will i be in pain..and how would i deliver the baby..would it be a normal one..or needed extra help or even an operation huhu..

*7.00 a.m*
i walked around the house..here and there..and did a little laundry..washing a few more baby's clothes which ayuni just brought back home yesterday..moktok and abang were watching the TV..mak and ayah went out and i couldn't remember where they went to..ayuni and aiman were still sleeping i think..and that morning.,.i didn't talk as much as i used to..did some ironing..packing things up and checking up once again..and i sat down.feeling my heart beat.going faster.

*7.45 a.m*
it was time..i hugged and kissed maktok..felt like crying huhu..moktok was teary eyed but didn't cry..mak and abang went with me first..adik2 and ayah went later..i'm still quite quiet on the way huhu..

*8 something a.m*
arrived at the medical centre..registered and a nurse guided us up to my room huhu..getting into the room gave a me a funny feeling..there was already breakfast on the bed..the aircond and the tv was on..the nurse asked whether i wanted to eat anything else or needed other things..i said thank you and got on the bed..huhu..

*9 something a.m*
it grew very 'happening' now in the room..my brother and sister and abang were chatting about things which i could not remember..huhu..i joined their conversation here and there..and then the doctor came..'wan, it's time to insert the inducing medicine..huhu..she asked a nurse to pull the curtains..asked me to lie down and pulled my kain up..she put on her gloves..and began 'going into it'..huhu..and yes..it hurts..sakit and sengal huhu..i nearly wet my eyes..but i kept telling myself this is nothing..it's gonna hurt much more later..so i just smiled and thanked here when she was done..and the nurss strapped a mechanical item on my tummy and there's a large
machine by my side..it was something to detect my contractions and a mchine which was producing a loud sound was used to listen to my baby's heart beat..so the loud sound was my baby's heart beating..beautiful..
then ayah had something to be done in the college..and mak and adik mea went to the airport to fetch my suna and her kids..and i was left with my cool abang and bubbly ayuni..and then we ordered McD..and talked..and watch the tele and yet there was no pain..langsung takde kesan ke ubat tu..ish..

*12 something p.m*
two nurses came in to check whether i'd experienced any contractions..and the reading was takde sangat..
Nurse 1: la..kenape takde contraction langsung ni..
Nurse 2: Biarlah..tekde lah patient ni nak sakit..kalau tidak kesian die sakit..
Nurse 1: La..biarla patient sakit..cepat sikit beranak..
huhu..i giggled listening to them..and by this time i was talking a lot as usual..my abang kept taking pictures of me..mase nak lunch nak suap nasi (makan tetap berselera ya) pun die nak amik gambar..adeh..stress sedikit haha..

*2.30 p.m*
the doctor came to check..my uterus tak terbukak sangat..still 2 cm macam mula2 tadi..so..she decided to insert another capsule..and once again the pain was there..adui..huhu..

*5 something p.m*
And unexpectedly i still was not experiencing any pain..none..and the contractions..although ade yang mild tapi tak sakit huhu..the doctor came in once again..she checked the 'opening' and accidentally she poked something and my air ketuban came out like..err macam orang cuah air dari baldi..swushhhhh..and at the same time 'ngappppp' came the first contraction and i was like ouchh..is that what i think that is??a part of me was like yeay!!i'm on my way to see my baby hehe..and yes..it was painful..it came and went between 3 minutes..and at that moment..between the duration yang tak sakit tu..i can still joke around haha..sampai mak ayah adik2 and abang sume macam..biar betul kaklong ni haha..

to be continued...

a new start

2010-02-02T18:40:00.000-08:00

it has been a while..my life has been progressing a bit..

with a new man in my life..hehe..

my darling aqil..

will try posting updates about me..hu..

*hugs*

the 'admission'

2009-05-27T09:23:00.001-07:00

earlier tonight..
went to see the doctor again..
it was supposed to be an afternoon appointment..
but she had a delivery case..
so we went later which is tonight..
at the end..i was given 'the letter'..
i am to be admitted to the hospital early in the morning..
on the 1st of June if my baby is not coming out until the day itself..
the doctor said the induce thingy will not hurt that much as it is time for the baby to come out..
i'll only experience the same hurt like other mothers experiencing normal births..
but this time..i get to expect that the pain of contractions will come..
right now..at this time..before 'd day'..the pain will be a suprise because i do not have the idea when it will 'attack' me..
but on the 1st of june..i will know that it is time..
huhu..talking about the pros and cons..
Ya Allah..permudahkanlah proses kelahiran anakku ini..
my dearests sweets..pary for me..
i love you all..

waiting for labor..

2009-05-25T03:36:00.000-07:00

last night until today..there is this pain..it keeps going on and on in my tummy..huhu..tapi baby taknak kuar jugak..

i keep on reading the 'what to expect when you're expecting' book..the chapter on what to expect when you are finally near labor..i read the lines almost everyday..to keep in mind that the 'labor journey' will not be easy..how the contractions will increase until my baby finally comes out..not forgetting the 'teran meneran' part..and the episiotomy where the 'gate' for the baby will be cut to make it easier for the baby to come out..ya Allah..that really is scary..huhu..and the placenta part..and the postpartum that i'll be going through after the baby finally comes out..huhu..takut..

and i miss my other half aka my soulmate aka my husband aka my best friend aka my protector...
i love you abang..

cupcake day..

2009-05-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

i've put another post before putting the 'another day'..but where did it go??macam pengenalan kepada the starting of my blog entries..lame betul tak tulis ape2..huhu..disebabkan ingin mengisi mase lapang sambil menunggu hari..i decided to start blogging again..huhu..penin penin..makin lame akin lembab aje rase otak ni..tak ter catch up dengan all these technologies..huhu..

this afternoon..the usual pain on my abdomen came again..i call it as the 'contraction practise'..memang sakit sangat sampai tak boleh nak berjalan berdiri atau tunduk..when the pain reduced sekejap..i made these nigella's cupcakes untuk lupekan tentang kesakitan tu although the pain is there menyucuk nyucuk huhu..mak said kaklong ni dah tau sakit tak larat nak buat jugak..' ayah seperti biase 'pergi rehatlah..' i am just tired of sitting around doing nothing..itu yang gagahkan diri jugak..chewwah..nak ajar diri jadi kuatlah kononnye..the real pain nanti tak taulah dapat tahan ke tidak..huhu..back to my cupcakes..despite the fact that i have diabetes..i already ate three out of 12 of them..huhu..biar betul adlina..takpelah..berserah pada Allah..huhu..

anyway..there are a lot of recipes yang interesting untuk kite try out..yang we can alter according to our taste..huhu..and as for today..i made only 12 cupcakes or muffins and right now i am so tired..macam buat gulai kawah aje rase letih ni..huhu..wah..bile lah my baby nak keluar ni..huhu..

another day..

2009-05-20T05:10:00.000-07:00

went for a register for the delivery of my baby this evening with ayah..(abang..i miss you..) huhu..met the doctor who will be in charged of my baby and i during labor..huhu..she's a pleasant person..seemed to understand how i am feeling huhu..

my baby..
2.87 kg..you'll grow larger by next week..but don't grow too large okay sayang..huhu..
your head is going down..
your body is fully grown in ibu's 'tummy'..
you're so active that it really hurts inside when you do your thing..i don't know..it's no more hiccups or coughing..but sometimes when you go like hard on one side of my tummy..i could feel your buttocks i think haha..
okay okay..ibu won't tell no more..i'll be reading you a new story after this okay..you'll be hearing a lot more than just my silly laughs..
i love you baby..

okay..those notes are for my darling baby..huhu..suddenly i seem to forget what i intended to write about for this entry..never mind..pregnant women kadang2 memang kucar kacir sikit pemikiran huhu..anyway..today and even for the past few days..my ayah kept telling me..(you'd notice that i've talked about my ayah a lot because since coming back home for the delivery ayah is the person who is with me most of the time..because ayah dah pencen..ayah cume pegi college when he has classes..huhu..so he's like my gurdian lah..huhu..) okay..back to what ayah has been telling me..

eii macam baru aje kaklong kecik2 ayah pimpin..
eii macam baru aje ayah nampak kaklong comel je pakai baju kurung cotton..tinggi ni aje..(gesturing his hand to show my height at about the height of his leg)..
now you're becoming a mother..
cepatnye mase kan kaklong..

yesterday he brought me out..'lame sgt kaklong terperuk kat rumah..jom keluar'..and then we stopped by a kedai called CPT jalan pekeliling..

today after meeting the doctor we stopped by a kopitiam and our conversation was moctly on how my childhood days were..and how i've grown..and how time moves so fast..

huhu..sebak pulak rase..

a birthday of mine

2008-08-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

it's my birthday..

what i love the most about birthdays is that..

i would be getting beautiful words..from those whom i love so much..

i do get soothing words from them on normal days..

but the words ..especially the phrase 'i love you'..on my birthday..really made my day..

i need no presents..i need just the thoughtful words of the people i love..

thank you all..

i love you so much..

*moi family*

*moi girlfriends*

*moi friends*

a cupcake for all my beloved..

and a box of roses..full of love..

my dream vacation+honeymoon yang tertangguh entah sejak dari bile sampai ke bile..huhu..

2008-07-22T22:16:00.003-07:00

uwaa....i really need a break..

i really want to be there..

isk isk..

fever time!

2008-07-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

uwa..my throat feels like crazy..my running+blocked nose is killing me..my head is spinning like a wheel..isk isk..

i really need another day off..

what the heck am i doing in school..

i should have listened to the doctor..he said that i should be getting a 'two days' off..

why did i ever refused??

damn..

the love of my life..

2008-07-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

i never thought i would be marrying this man..

we had a relationship but he was always the serious one..

i never thought of settling down someday with him..being married to him and having a life that we are having right now..together..

and now..right at this juncture..after the marriage..it's like i am learning to love him..truly love him..for who he is..the 'he' that i never really got to know during our four years of being together..together in a sense that we rarely went out dating..never had lunch together at my college..never feel the need to expose our relationship to everybody..

but what had been written down was that he is the man sent to me by Allah..i never even thought that i would be calling him 'abang' which i actually intended to keep only for my future husband after a series of stressful+hurtful relationships..

i thank Allah for these..and i thank Allah for giving me the chance to feel the love of the man..meant for me..and to love him..for who he is..with no boundaries..the 'sweetness' of it..is here to stay..amin..

i love you abang..this one is dedicated to you..

a morning classroom...

2008-07-14T19:22:00.000-07:00

i had an early class today..from 7.40 to 9.40..a 2 hours class with the naughtiest bunch of students in the school..but i love them..huhu..and teaching went smoothly..the first hour was about drilling them on grammar..the second hour was on language games..one of the games was the blackboard version of Wheel of Fortune..i gave them the Word Group to make it easier for them..it was near to 9.40 and we were ending up the game..

T: Okay the word group is fruits..(teacher drawing 10 blanks on the board; answer-kiwi fruit).

(Students; boys vs girls) shouting out madly alphabets and the answer-this is how it goes when dealing with my 4M students haha)..and suddenly, a student(who usually read sentences in english but his utterances sounded like french and all of the syllables going crazy+mixed up+tingtong) stood up and shouted loudly with great confidence;

S: Kiwi Kasut!

Other students including me came to a halt..we looked at him..and we..LAUGHED OUR HEART OUT!we laugh and laugh until the dicipline teacher came to see what was happening.he thought there was no teacher around..a bit malu but after i explained why he laughed too..hehe..because the KIWI KASUT student was his nephew..huhu..

ha..teaching is always interesting+crazybutfun when it comes to these group of people..teacher loves all of you..

2008-07-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

i really miss this baby sister of mine..hopefully she'll be okay and will be having a great time during her tour..

i can't wait for you to get back here..

i miss the feeling of having a baby sister besides me..as in..physically besides me..isk isk..
*i love you*

2008-07-13T20:47:00.000-07:00

yesterday i went out with my 'daughter'..a friend for life..dunia dan akhirat insyaAllah..i have a few in my life..and i thank Allah for that..okay back to what i intended to jot down..hmm..my beloved husband had to attend a course in iab..so i was left all alone..on saturday morning i went all out..doing spring cleaning..all other related things..to cleaning i mean..huhu..and i was pleased with my own self aha aha..did my zohor prayers..and i grew really bored..really felt the time was creeping so slow..ingat nak pegi to adik's house aka ma daughter aka beep..tapi malas nak drive..so lepak tengok movie+tengok setiap channel+tengok cd+tengok gambar husband sebab rindu+tengok magazine+tengok tv balik..adoi..nak termuntah rasenye..ting tong aje..huhu..tibe malam terus rase takut..i have never been left alone at night..huhu..berdebar rasenye..tapi cuba kuatkan semangat and i made it yess!!hehe..besoknye tu pegi pasar..beli lauk untuk masak for my beloved mr. ridzuan..lepas balik rumah baru sedar ya Allah macam takde life aje..tengok tv lagi..
tengah mengelamun..my beloved adik messaged..i was like 'finally'..hehe..i miss her a bit actually..dekat tapi jauh..and i always worry about her..i don't know why..hehe..okay you know..what..macam pelik aje my writing ni..i started off with the above sentences..lepas tu the flow of the paragraph macam poyo aje..pastu ni baru back on track hehe..kalau my students dah lame kene 'bombard' dengan teacher yang agak laser ni haha..okay..so i went out with her..we chatted and ate..lepak2..and talked heart to heart actually..huhu..and i felt really happy..we then went to tf..the only shopping complex in jerantut hehe..then we went to the nursery..buying flowers..which my 'adik' said as a therapy..huhu..pastu we went to pick up my mr. ridzuan..wiiiii!! hehe..and the day ended well..i felt contented and happy with the way things go..huhu..you know what..i don't even know what i am writing about right now..

"entah mengarang apelah tu"..said mr. Sopi..
"entah ade bm ade bi" said my kakak maziah..

anyway..i'm having a great time at school..my sandwiches and pudding pun dah berjaya dihabiskan oleh these wonderful teachers..huhu..life is great when you think positively..and act positively..and..live the life that you have fully..appreciating every opportunity that you have..moving on..solving problems rather than crying upon them doing nothing..

"we don't just live to feel happy and have things going in the way we want them to be..but also to have all sorts of 'ujian' from Allah..to make us to be a better person.." (my beloved ayah, 2008).

hehe..i am signing off..love and peace for all...

Friends for life..

2008-06-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

i have always realized that i love my friends very much. i am lucky enough to have all of my best friends with me..they are the most beautiful group of people in the world. one thing that is important is that, no matter how major my life has changed..no matter how i have moved from being their best friend to now best friend+wife tothemanilove..no matter how chaotic my life has been handling the roles..my love for them will never fade..across possibilities and responsibilities..whenever that they need me i want to be there for them..whether it's about meeting eye to eye or a simple message..

i know the 'tagline' would always be 'takkan..satu hari nanti semuanya akan berubah..that's the cycle of life..takkan sama dah'..but guys..i will always try my best to minimize the possibility of those lines above..Allah knows how much i treasure you guys..in my life..

i love you.

huaaaaaa....

2008-06-09T18:37:00.000-07:00

so pinky..so nice..so lovely...it is Adlina...huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

my life..

2008-06-09T17:46:00.001-07:00

my one and only sister.. the loveliest of all..huhu..

my protector..my shining armor..hehe..

the middle one is the youngest..our baby brother..

who treats me as if i'm his younger sister..huhu..

i love you adik..

my savior..my soul..my love..

enough packaging!

2008-06-09T17:38:00.000-07:00

hehe..looking at the pictures that i have gotten from our course facilitator made me wonder..what is the purpose of having multi layers of plactic wrapped around certain products which could sometimes made me feel sick of having to go through great difficulties until i could finally get to hold the 'present' after 2 to 3 minutes of struggling..huhu..and there may be a possibility where you will receive a large gigantic box but what's inside is only a tiny little thingy...huhu..i may be overly reacting but hey..that is a reality..!below i have posted a picture which would show you how right i was..

a thing called love

2008-06-09T17:34:00.001-07:00

it feels so right to have the chance to hold the hands of the man you truly love..and what's most important was that you and him had nothing to lose..huhu..i love you..

Intel Teach..

2008-06-09T17:14:00.000-07:00

hello..
huhu..people have been blogging long before i am..haha..it seems funny but it's a reality..i'm not really into technology because i do not think that i have much knowledge of this scifi thingy..huhu..but anyway..i am now writing a blog and actually it feels great..to have the opportunity to write something down and share my thoughts and point of views with others..huhu..anyway..i'm enjoying the course as much as i can..and i miss my husband so much..huhu..

live.love.laugh.

*a dedication to my baby bro*

*second baby tralala*

*it's been a while again ey?*

a reflection

my true first love

*he's back*

*cooking for my boys*

*i heart weekends*

*loving what you do*

*a note on life*

*people*

a gift from Allah

i am back!!!

my one and only

going back to the place that i've always love

to love and to not love

*being me*

my love+life

muhammad aqil bin muhamad ridzuan

~this is it~

*huhu*

aqil at the age of nearly 13 months

*holidays*

am head over heels for this guy!

aqil's sweet tiny suprise

aqil is one year old!

blogging matters

one of the best weekend!!

IKEA vs GRADUATION DAY+family time=contentment+ultimate glee

a reading and playing corner for my aqil

baby stuff

dining out with the girls

the three of us

a lovely time with the girls

exam mode makes me boring huhu

the eye that made me cried

imagine wiiii

alhamdulillah

*i am so not comfortable*

babies are the best gifts

aqil going one year...

mommy blogging monster is back!hee..

blogging monsters woohoooo!

finding a nanny!

housekeeping!

cooking fever..

i heart weekends!

aqil+moody mode

is it time?

a message to my aqil on his coming soon 10th month birthday

rough days

my baby aqil at the age of 9 going 10 month!

getaway..

tired+frustrated+sad

aqil's life vs my own life

the continuation

crawling aqil

a new start

the 'admission'

waiting for labor..

cupcake day..

another day..

a birthday of mine

my dream vacation+honeymoon yang tertangguh entah sejak dari bile sampai ke bile..huhu..

fever time!

the love of my life..

a morning classroom...

Friends for life..

huaaaaaa....

my life..

enough packaging!

a thing called love

Intel Teach..

a dedication to my baby bro

second baby tralala

it's been a while again ey?

he's back

cooking for my boys

i heart weekends

loving what you do

a note on life

people

being me

huhu

holidays

i am so not comfortable