just a post

been missing ammar badly..but mak and ayah said they will only send ammar once i'm really back on my feet again..aduh..

well, writing this entry does not signify that i am all up and about doing things. the sickness is really bad this time..been keeping all the strength as much as i can..whatever i eat will come out..isk..and now there's even another grumble inside my tummy. decided to write something to ease the 'loyaness' and keeping my mind set towards something else. huhu..tapi insyaAllah, ibu redha dengan ujian loya ni baby..;)

had a conversation with big brother aqil the other day..he was playing with his cars and blocks and came up to me saying..

aqil : ibu, bile adik nak keluar?
ibu  : lambat lagi..i'm a bit scared..it's quite difficult and hurtful in order to get a baby out of my tummy.
aqil : don't worry. it's easy mum.the doctor will cut your tummy like this (he began running his fingers across my tummy which made me got really scared huhu). then they baby will come out.
ibu : oh..ibu kalau boleh taknak potong perut yang..
aqil : bukan doctor akan potong ke ibu?
ibu : yah but like when i had you the doctor potong down there.
aqil : down where?
ibu : down there.
aqil : weird. (and he went away sambung main with his toys haha)

sekolah taknak pegi ini budak. cakap pandai adoilah. oh God. i need to go now.

An Update

Alhamdulillah..we are already entering the second month of the year 2014. The effect of having little amount of entries makes this entry to be a long one hehe..missing my girls so much..managed to do a little bit of catching up and stuff when we had our get together last month but in reality I got caught up with my boys and spent not too much time talking to the girls huhu..anyway I am glad I went there..Alhamdulillah..

And..huhu..during the Chinese new year holiday, Aqil had to undergo an emergency operation.a visit to see the doctor became another check in and within two hours I was holding him tight bringing him into the OT..gosh the whole process was really hard for me. He was put to sleep and I went back to the changing room sobbing hard. Really hard. The post operation was another story. He refused to eat and even refused to take ubat tahan sakit. At 2 in the morning he was awake asking me 'what's wrong with me mum? I don't feel okay. There's something wrong with me.' Huhu but as we go through the sleepless night you seemed to get stronger each time and the next thing I know you were telling me that you are okay now and that I don't have to worry about you anymore. Ha yelah sangat when the next day we had to face another dreadful situation when your bandage had to be open again as you were bleeding and Allah knows what we had to go through afterwards. And you, young man, after the whole process, you just sit there, staring in front of you, with that cengkung eyes and badan yang seemed so thin and fragile, broke me into pieces inside. Allah, I thought I was being strong for you, but indeed, you were the one who kept me strong all the way. Love you baby.

And little Ammar..Allah..the one that never fails to leave us all in awe..ayah's greatest admirer you are..and atuk's sidekick hehe..this little one is not gonna be the little one anymore soon kan? Hehe..

Alhamdulillah, amidst all of these, Allah uji and also Allah kurniakan all of us with another addition to the family..so welcome aboard my little bundle of joy. Mum hopes you are doing just fine inside mum's tummy..just like your brothers are insyaAllah..so..I may get remarks like..what happened to the terrifying experience and the oh no giving birth scares me to the max??

Well, I guess, Allah knows what's best for us, we have no right to question why or how,and we are and will be thankful for what Allah has planned for us insyaAllah. So here comes another roller coaster ride, and May Allah bless us all the way. Have a great weekend lovelies!

Masters Degree, anyone?

alhamdulillah..there is actually nothing to brag about but i am sharing this with a note in my mind which is to help those who are pursuing and will start their Masters degree. alhamdulillah again i managed to complete mine. there are a few things that i would like to share when we talk about 'sambung' or 'buat' masters;))

1. when you want to start studying, make sure niat utama is because of Allah. not because you just want to look good, be better that others or to make your own self proud. Allah must be the main reason and followed by your other aims in terms of your future education+career plan. so that if things do not go your away after you have gone through all the ups and downs and finally graduating with pointers above 3.5 better than your degree bla bla, you will not feel deeply frustrated and useless. hiks. ;p

2. when you are studying, be prepared to make sacrifices in terms of firstly money. you will have to spend more on your fees, books, travelling matters (like what i did as the journey to ukm is quite far) eating and maybe accommodation at times. this means you have to spend less on buying certain items for yourself especially. then there is also the "TIME" conflict..of having to stay up late to complete assignments. as for me i can only start doing assignments when i'm done with all the house chores and if possible when the kids are asleep. at times when i'm completing a really critical task i would literally be in a room with a closed door while listening to the fun both husband and my boy(s) were having. it is really painful at times not to have enough lalala time, especially when i had to leave aqil who was only 1 to 2 years old every weekend for two days. my heart breaks each time up until now whenever i think of it. i would cry every friday when saying goodbye to him. and as i am driving to bangi i would be crying my heart out in the car. on the road. along the highway. sobs. and not forgetting less time doing what i love most too like watching the TV or lalaing with my girlfriends. SACRIFICE dengan rela and seikhlas hati okay?;))

3. when we talk about examinations and assignments, one thing for sure is to be truthful and honest to yourself. we can get a little help here and there. but i do not believe in copying during exams or totally paying someone else to do all of your assignments. that is not really right. i did get help from my brother especially , friends and  ukm juniors when dealing with SPSS on the analyzing part as i am not that brilliant in handling softwares. bleerrgghh. but make you sure you learn while you are getting the help. go and get help only when you need it, and make sure you learn from the people that you are getting the help from at the same time (saying this again ekekeke), not getting the help just because you have a lot of money to pay someone to do your assignments up to the stage of binding them etc. also attend tuition classes held by other students who are better in certain subjects like most of us did. we attended tuition classes even during school holidays for our statistics subjects. as at the end of everything, getting an A or even an A- is the sweetest victory, only of you really put your effort out with sweats and tears and everything. i also do not believe in handing in your assignments beyond datelines or completing one just for the sake of completing it. with Allah's will i would try as much as possible to put my full effort. i did not want to waste my journey of three hours to ukm, leaving my boys, eating alone, praying and crying at UKM mosque out of fatigue and stress, spending hours until night at the library after classes and etc be meaningless if i did not do well enough in every subject. alhamdulillah. these are the things that i think each of us should really greatly take into consideration.

4. we also have to be proactive. always be prepared when attending a class. when given a task or assignment, do not hold back don't say 'oh lambat lagi dateline nanti-nantilah buat'. No. don't do that. that can or may be the attitude when your are doing your degree. but at masters level, you have to literally get out, go out about and start to do things. for masters dekat UKM especially, doing research, writing papers are like your darah daging. in each semester tu sometimes you have to not only carry out one study but maybe one for each subject. there are also conceptual papers yang complicated jugak as you have to do ample of reading and be critical when reviewing past studies done in order to come up with a brilliant and intellectual conclusion in the field that your are researching for. really, nothing is simple and easy. the key word is to work hard, be honest and smart in managing the assignments, and presentations. hoho there will also be a lot of presentations. so you might want to brush up your presentation and communication skills to excel in these. ;p and it will be better if you can volunteer to be the first few presenters. trust me, it is better to be among the first rather than the last. and last but not least do not do things at the eleventh hour (last minute). because trust me, even if you start early for the tasks given, when you are reaching the dateline, you will still feel that you did not have enough time!!!ahahaha. but don't let these bring you down. remember!SWEET VICTORY bebeh!;p

5. one thing that will be good and useful especially when you are aiming for PHD later, get the chance to write as much papers as you can and at least present a paper at any conference available. some lecturers also said that it would also be better if you do your masters the THESIS MODE if you want to make things easier for you PHD. on top of that, anyway or anyhow, still, will never fail to provide you ,meaningful experience.

6. as a part timer, it means that i had to juggle between work and study. but remember, this one is really important, do not neglect your work just because your assignments are piling. work FIRST and then your study. ;p

7. have a consistent effort of working on your DISSERTATION!. now that is really important too. some of my friends ade yang tersekat with their dissertation up to more than two semesters!because of PROCRASTINATION! huhu. and never fail to contact and meet your supervisor no matter how nerve-wrecking it is. never fail to meet him or her and remember it is not you who set the time but they are for every appointment. even if you have to take a day off amik CRK ke ape because your supervisor can only meet you on working days. ;p seriously.  

well, not to say that the fact that i have survived the journey means that i have actually done all of the above. no. mistakes make us to be a better person remember?*winkwink*. alhamdulillah i achieved the results that i am happy and satisfied with. i'm thankful enough. ;) well, i, humbly urge all of you out there to never stop acquiring the knowledge, academically and also spiritually. insyaAllah, with the right niat and intention, everything that we do akan diberkati dan dirahmati Allah. insyaAllah. 

so, get all geared up and go for it!reach for the stars!Allah is always there for us. insyaAllah. peace everyone.

                                                                 Convocation Day! ;p

autumn in my heart ;))

travelling #throwbackplymouthandlondon in 2010. it has been three years and i could still remember how cold it was since it was autumn. the really cold breeze with its sentimental scent (remind me so much of the days back when we were staying in Newcastle) really brought tears to my eyes the moment we stepped out of the airport. aishh. we traveled with a luggage for each of us and a huge hand luggage and a handbag.it was really inappropriate actually but the fact that we wanted to borong all the chocolates that we used to eat when we were kids living in the UK back then and nk beli all the really cheap books as it was christmas time!so books at that time were at their best bargain huhu. i miss UK so much.isk isk.

anyway,cannot wait to smell the cold breezy breeze again insyaAllah..*winkwink* this time around am gonna have mr. hubster to be with me. hopefully with Allah's will the weather will be nice, the whole journey will have less or no turbulence at all as i am actually scared of flying boohooo!and we'll not get sick because of the cold and etc. gonna start packing up and yah, as usual, we do not have enough warm clothes yet. last minute 'pghepers' as usual keke. thank you Allah and may we be leaving the year and in fact be starting the new year according to our islamic calendar by being a better muslim doing what Allah loves (most importantly), a better wife, daughter and mother and sister, friend and a companion to anyone who comes into our lives. peace.;))


p;s: travelling helps us in so many positive ways, so let's go travel y'all!;))

aidilfitri 2013 or an update shall i say? ;)

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,

there is always the phrase 'it has been a while' going through my mind everytime i am tapping on this thin black keyboard. alhamdulillah, we are surfing through the month of syawal healthily, happily and hopefully blessed all the way by Allah s.w.t.

our raya this year was celebrated and is celebrated modestly. not so much of an overflowing of raya cookies, no baju raya for me at all, only for the kids and my one and only love of my life. or in other words, my baju raya tak siap and that is okay as it does not really matter that much. i thought the kurungs i had were pretty much considerable to be labelled as baju raya.;)

our ramadhan went so quickly, with prayers that Allah menurunkan rahmat and keredaanNya to all of us. and it was a quite special month too as we had an addition to our family, little Harieth. seriously, i am gonna start an entry on his birth soon, dedicated to my dear baby sis and abe ngoh. it was indeed an emotional journey for all of us in the family, but in the end, we can only seek for His keredhaan and be thankful for whatever that has happened. insyaAllah.

funny but i think somewhat it is true. me writing an entry is actually like wanting to let my beloved best friends know how we are doing right now and the things that are going on in our lives at this juncture of time. it is like really hard and difficult for us to get together talking and babbling on the latest updates of our lives. we promised each other when we were in UTM on how we will not lose the friendship and sisterhood we had. never insyaAllah. the raya gathering we had at aifa's house with bib was a joyful one, despite there were only three of us. missing the others badly. had mc yan coming to my house and it felt really good. hoping and hoping that one day we will get to be together as a 'family' which is getting bigger with more juniors to come insyaAllah ;) *blessed and happy* i always feel proud and will get teary eyed when thinking of the special friendship and sisterhood that we share with each other, how our husbands connect with each other and one day how our children will see us being as close as sisters having aunties mommies ibus mamas maklong mak ngah all over the place haha. they'll get confused like most people do haha.

anyway, apart from that, i have completed my masters alhamdulillah. all the tears, loneliness, sweats and burning the midnight oil doing assignments working harder that those living near to UKM or having smarter brains huhu. Alhamdulillah i did better than my degree syukur ya Allah. i guess it is because we are more matured and knows our goal at this age. the victory is sweeter although the journey was one of the most challenging moments i had to go through and endure. hopefully i will be a part of UKM's convocation october this year. and Allah knows how i would be feeling once i step on the stage, getting the scroll wrapped in my hands. the tears?oh there will surely be a drama hahah.

aqil and ammar are growing up quickly. aqil is now no longer chubby but thin, and ammar is the exact form of ibu. chubby and cute ahahah. during post raya holiday, wan and I did a blood check up. i did the full blood test which covers most of the systems in our body including cancers and etc. the results were not pretty for him especially his cholestrol level and liver condition. i had problems with my bad cholestrol, and weight issues. went to the doctor for advice based on the full blood test report, and it seems that i am having two out of the five reasons why people get heart disease! and they are the cholestrol level and my BMI! of course, the doctor reminded me over and over again that i should revise my diet which is my eating the way i eat what i eat and EXERCISE! gosh, that seems totally impossible nowadays with the kids and other things (reasons and more reasons!) huhu. but i know i should do something. and i have also been experiencing this semput and total shortness of breathing. went for a check up too. after some scanning by my beloved DR. Hafizah of Klinik Perdana cawangan Islah (i love her so much!), i was actually having gases in my hempedu or bahasa kampungnya 'medu' huhu. so now am taking medications and hopefully Allah will help and make me to feel better. everytime rase semput, i really think of dying. and that will hopefully make me change into a better person day by day. insyaAllah.

time nowadays is moving at a quicker pace. we are reaching the end of the year (and also the end of this entry too) hehe. insyaAllah, wan and I will be taking off somewhere during the first week of the school holidays. it is more or less like a honeymoon for us as we never had one when we got married. for some people you can make each day of your married life as your honeymoon but hey, being human beings, sometimes we have to do something out of the ordinary to get a kickstart and insyaAllah have better relationships and love each other more and more. with that, we are leaving our beloved boys for about 10 days with their atuk and nenek. the weather is totally cold at that time so knowing aqil and ammar, we are afraid to have them be ill and not enjoying the trip and knowing aqil, we are scared that he won't even get on the plane! being on the bus or watching a train arriving at the train station already scares him out lagi2 kan a huge plane!haha.well anyway, going back to the definition of honeymoon *winkwink* ibu and ayah love both of you sayang. i kind of think of this as something positive. hopefully throughout our journey or trip or being backpackers (or maybe added with a luggage haha) we can like talk and discuss and reflect on what we had and have, what we have shared and share, the things we want to do and should be doing together and etc etc. (*i love you sayang no matter what*) and us reaching our 6th anniversarry, i think this trip is much needed. hopefully Allah will help us during our journey, save us from harm, and make our love grows stronger and us having his blessings all the way insyaAllah. and when we are back insyaAllah we'll have another trip with the kids and the whole family. so ibu and ayah will not be the only ones having fun aqil and ammar sayang! insyaAllah.

so may Allah be our guidance, protecting us from all the negativities and bad things, helping to shed light and make us to be thinking or doing things that will make us to be better from time to time. there will always be hikmah and kemanisan that we will taste when doing something sincerely and berniatkan kerana Allah insyaAllah.

have a blessed and an awesome weekend everyone!;))

my sunshine, my tranquility, my joy

hello,
the sunshine that never fails to keep me warm, the tranquility that  makes my heart feel at peace and the joy that helps me laugh and feel dandy through my gloomy days. Ayuni, Aizuddin and Aiman. you made, is making and will always be making your kaklong proud and feel loved. one thing that makes me feel as if i am very lucky is to have the three of you as my adik-adik. Allah i am so blessed;)

Ayuni Ayuni Ayuni. back when we were kids, we quarelled a lot. or specifically i used to find causes to have a fight with her a lot. i remembered having a certain dislike towards her when we were little. i do  not know why. its some sort of a sibling rivalry i must say. but as we grow up, we became closer closer. and now, we are inseparable. sgt2. i love her so so so much and she is my only sister so that's why heheh. she's very beautiful, has a heart of gold, always worry about not doing the right thing, is always passionate about what she does, sgt2 rajin, loves her students so much and just won a Best Teacher Award for the district level. i am very proud of you. and she's 5 months pregnant with my very first nephew. Alhamdulillah.

My kesayangan aka baby sis aka my best friend in the whole world, thank you for always being there for me. thank you for always thinking of me in everything that you do, thank you for being the best mama for aqil and ammar, and thank you for being you.

Aizuddin. Adik din, penerang hati kaklong, penyejuk hati kaklong. You, just being you, makes me feel what did we ever do to have such a wonderful human being with us for the past 25 years?thank you so much Allah. because this boy is gifted with so many things and yet he remained so humble. you are the smartest of us all. Mak was sick after she gave birth to you so Maktok had to take care of you. i could still remember a lot of people coming over for days to our house to visit mak. i guess that was Allah's ujian for us as later we have you, a knowledgeable, wise and handsome brother hehe. congratulations for your Masters graduation and congratulations for being able to further you studies in your PHD which means you are going to be away for a few more years hehe. i am so proud of you sayang.

So for you dear brother, thank you dik, for always being able to make kaklong rase tenang sgt after having to deal with problems and hardships on my part. thank you for never failing to give me advises along with all the hadith and examples on our Islamic views and whats not. thank you for always pouring out your never ending knowledge on every aspects of life.

Aiman the dashing drummer heheh. the tallest in the family and the most charming. you are the youngest. but if adik ibrahim was here, you will not be one.huhu. having a smashing look, you always get the attention from all the girls haishh menyampah kaklong haha. imagining how it would be like when insyaAllah you become a dentist one day. mak just told me that you had to sit for your paper just as you got off the plane after arriving in Cairo. well, you'll be able to pull this one off ey, being surprisingly brilliant as always hehe.

Adik man, thank you for always being there for me just like your abang din, thank you for making silly jokes whenever i needed one, and thank you for always trying hard to fulfill my needs. i cant wait to get a dental service from you one day ;) keep on being so cool and comforting. i am proud of you too.

in fact, i am proud of my three adik-adik. so proud that i decided to dedicate this entry to the three of you. i dont know about other people but the four of  us share this bond that makes us feel really connected to each other. when all of us get the chance to go back to our parents house during holidays, we could stay awake and talk to each other for hours (with ayuni and I forgetting that we have our husbands and children haha). my adik2 know me inside and out that they would know what i am thinking of most of the time. they will know what and how my reaction would be or what i would say. you lot, how can you even do that?hehe..thank you too for making abelong and abengoh feel so warm and touched by the way we make them feel as if they are not really outsiders but have been with us since years back.;)

adik ibrahim, although we never really met you except for looking at you all wrapped up in kain kapan and a small box, i miss you. praying one day that we can go back to Newcastle and visit your grave. insyaAllah.
thank you Allah for giving us each other. thank you mak and ayah for raising us up to be this close and lovey dovey towards each other, thank you adik2 for being the best sister and brothers in the world!

i love each and everyone of you so so so much. i love you. i love you. i love you.

a new year

haishh. i must admit. it is so hard nowadays to find time sitting down and writing and do other things in front of the computer. wondering how it will be like once the semester starts with my analysis of data and etc and one more subject to go T T. my life nowadays is so Ammar and Aqil oriented and the rest of my time is for doing and completing the household chores+'managing' dear husband+workload and a little of 'me' time. yes. me time. only a little time for that. everyday my life starts at 5 and ends at about 1. it starts with me making breakfast for dear husband and a packed lunch fo me and later at night when both kids are sleeping i would have the opportunity to sapu2 and kemas2 the house. sweeping the floor is a must now as my hair is berguguran is so many!yikes!rezeki ibu bersalin nak buat macam mana.

and Alhamdulillah Ammar is such a good baby, sleeping as early as 9 or not more than 11 and will only wakes up at 5. like today he wakes up at 6. yess he sleeps a lot especially when it is cold brrrrr!!!kept telling dear husband 'look even our baby likes it cold and i'm sure he will love living abroad!!!hahah heh..anyway baby Ammar is getting chubbier by the day and i so not want him to be obese or anything huhu..abang Aqil on the other side is getting thinner as he now does not really drink his milk that much. he is off the bottle and uses his sippy cup. sent him to school but it only lasted for two days. when his wan were walking him to school one morning, he stopped her and said 'wan, aqil rase taknak pegi school sebab ibu cakap school tak best' hah. takpelah so we decided not to send him to school. so now my time is also occupied with teaching him using the Read Easy and Iqra' books.trying to be a superibu but have a few times been blown off with phrases like 'ibu, ibu tak payahlah jadi teacher, ibu jadi ibu jelah'. adoyai haha. apart from that he is now so diaper free. only wears them when he sleeps at night and tu pun kadang2 he doesn't want to wear any so i put the diapers on when he sleeps. will try not putting any on dah because he does not pee at all s i already ask him to pee before he goes to bed. and he is also sleeping in his own bedroom now. getting him to use the toilet to washing and cleaning up afterwards and making him to sleep in his own room is alhamdulillah an easy journey i must say. it was not that difficult.

having two kids, i learned and am learning so many things. seeing the living room full Ammar's soft toys and not to mention Aqil's toys, i blink my eyes a few times and open them and what i see are additional items which add up to the room, making it to be more berseri and all (nak sedapkan hati). hehe..whatever mainan there is scattered around i can always ask Aqil to clean them up and put them back in his room and alhamdulillah training him to kemas whatever it is and training him to make full use of his room is going smoothly. any spills or whatever there is done by Aqil and later baby Ammar can always be wiped away easily. no matter how fatigue and exhausted and famished i am i will cook for dear husband and aqil, knowing that there  will be something for me from Allah insyaAllah. reducing the amount of eating out for the good of everyone;)) all of the other household jobs and workload and assignments i am considering them as additional workout for my body, mind and soul insyaAllah. and insyaAllah this next semester will be my final one. i am done with presenting my paper at a colloquium and the paper even got published in an international journal alhamdulillah syukur sgt. semoga Allah mempermudahkan segalanya nanti for this semester. Amin.

most important, trying and training myself to be a better Muslim, wife, daughter and mother to those whom i love so so much. making mistakes and slipping out of my main concerns may happen once awhile but getting on the track right away is what's important. a few days in the year of 2013, dear husband and i began talking about our future plans and from long ago we knew that we had totally different plans for each other. only now we are facing the reality seriously as i am completing my masters soon. the plan should start right after that InsyaAllah. now we are in the process of adapting and giving and taking in towards each other as we are planning for the better of us all especially the kids. so hopefully we can come up with a solution and future plan that will make both of us happy and paling penting yang menentukan is Allah s.w.t.

so am ending this entry with a few pictures of whats going on with the kids in the house. may Allah bless us all. Amin.

baby Ammar sleeping

aqil lost in his own world. his bedroom still under construction heheh

the kitchen cabinet has not yet done but these are the things that made my day each time i walk into the 'unfinished' kitchen heheh

so nerve wrecking and i will not want to do this ever again