rough days

it always has been heart breaking when seeing aqil getting sick..he'll become less active..tend to cry most of the time..laugh less..pity my baby..

and everytime this happens..i'm all heart broken because at some point i feel that it's part of my fault..if he's breastfeeding..maybe he won't get sick easily..he'll have more antibody..if i had more knowledge on going breastfeeding exclusively before he was born..i would have known what i should do to be able to breastfeed him fully and have the satisfaction to truly be a good mother to my baby..*sobsob*..and not losing the ability to breastfeed my baby within a short period of time..

i miss the time when he'd fall asleep after drinking my own milk..i miss to see him smiling while sleeping upon my chest..knowing that i am able to help him not feel hungry and sleep soundly without the help of anything else specifically formula milk..

i made a promise to myself..things would be different for our second baby..i'd do what i was supposed to do..InsyaAllah..

i'm sorry baby..but i love you..