*second baby tralala*

this entry is inspired by iva's blog entitled third baby something something (could not remember the post when writing this). i've got quite a number of questions in relations to my second baby..well the answer is i am dying to have one. i would like to have another baby so much that it hurts a bit to see other people holding babies snuggling warmly in their arms. i miss the days when i could feel the little one kicking inside of me, the look and attention i'd get from others just because i'm having this huge tummy..i'd like to have another child blessed by Allah, for us to nurture him or her to be a good muslim, a good child and with charateristics that we could be proud of.senang kate sejuk perut ibu mengandung. we are still having great and fabulous adventure of being the best parent we could be for our darling aqil whom we love so much Allah knows how much that it brings tears to my eyes when i think of how much i love him. in fact both suami tersayang and i had shed quite bucket full of tears for aqil just because we love him so much (tetibe pening dgn the phrase so much). in seeing, helping and nurturing aqil to be his true self and practising whats best for him for now in this world and in the hereafter, we stumble and fall and fail few times and we regreted for the mistakes we did, are doing and will be doing but hey..we are human beings and whatever happens no other love can put away our love for our son aqil. except for Allah yang sememangnya maha menyayangi..

having a second baby would be a true blessing as you can never exchange the feelings and happiness of being a parent with anything in this world..having another small cuddly human being calling you 'mom' 'ibu' and sometimes 'yang' 'sayang' (when copying the father calling the mother by the name) is something that soothes your heart..you'll feel as if you had your dreams coming true and etc..having them hugging and kissing you with no reason ( i do get that nowadays more than from en suami which i joke to him a lot on that matter and he admits he gets the same from aqil (more) too hahaha i love you sayang)..having the little one come running to you just because kene marah by any of us (marah2 sayang) or most of the time when i marah2 aqil would come clinging at me adeh cair hati ibu sayang..my sister would always marah and menyampah saying 'la tadi marah lepas tu hug2 kiss2 pulak kaklong kaklong' hehe..wait till you yourself be a mom yang'..

up until now i am still not proud of my parenting skills cause i know  i have flaws and there are soo many young parents out there who seem to be doing very well with their parenting job huhu..so that brings me to a question whether if i am given the chance to have another baby does that make me to a better parent along the way?huhu..can i be better for both aqil and the new little one?will i be able to complete my semesters if i'm blessed with another baby? how are we gonna cope with the new baby my studies aqil and the fact that i either had to leave the baby to mak or abang alone with aqil tagging along?will i have enough money time and love and affection to be divided on all of my priorities?will i face more pains and strecthes and stiches when delivering? will i can i??

more questions. questions. and questions. yes that is me. a human being trying to be a better muslim, wifey, mother and daughter, sister and friend. always with questions and excuses. always. neglecting the fact that it is Allah who knows what is best for us. neglecting the fact that every child comes with rezeki from Allah. neglecting the fact that every problem had a solution. neglecting the fact that avery hardships faced will teach you to be a better person inside and out. neglecting the fact that everything would eventually be alright as you have your loved ones with you. neglecting the fact that when you are in an uphill battle and you are facing the toughest times of your life, you have Allah to turn to, helping to ease your worries and sorrows.

well, to sum up, insyaAllah we are ready for a second baby. if Allah blesses us with one, Alhamdulillah syukur ya Allah. and if we are not, maybe Allah has a better plan for us. and Alhamdulillah..as each day goes by, i'm ready to 'upgrade' or do things here and there in becoming a better muslim. thank you Allah kerana telah menggerakkan hati hamba Mu ini sedikit demi sedikit..semoga Allah menguatkan hati ini untuk terus mengekalkan ape yang terbaik dan diredhaiMu ya Allah..;)