10 facts

i just feel that there are so many things needed to be jotted down regarding my experience of having ammar this time around. enough about the delivery anyway. emm emm no more. maybe it is due to having the time to write with ammar being such a good baby during the day *winkwink* well then this time lets go through some facts on my post delivery.

*fact1*
after i was cleaned up and baby was all groomed (still in the labour room) a nurse came in bringing him putting him besides me and he looked and stared at me all the way;) he did not even move his head elsewhere;) tak tau why i had to write this one down *slappingbothballooningcheeksyesstillballooning*

*fact2*
i was out from the labour room at about 12 and could not sleep until it was three in the morning. luckily i had dear husband to listen to me mumbling things about what we went through and his 'bedtimestories' put me off to sleep. ;))

*fact3*
the next morning i was too scared to go to the toilet to even walk and do my business inside the loo. the nurses kept coming in wanting to make sure i would be going into the toilet and later i did and Alhamdulillah nothing happened heheh..tell me, who is not even afraid of going to the loo after a delivery?? wah horror!

*fact4*
went back home and began to notice how my whole body ached badly. i could not even lift up my hands way past my shoulder and whenever i was holding things my hands shook. bathing was hard but alhamdulillah both mak and dear husband were there to help.

*fact5*
when i had aqil, insisted that dear husband should sleep somewhere in another room on a comfortable bed as if he was to sleep in the same room with me he had to lie down on a piece of mattress plus duvet on the floor. he did sleep in another room after the first few days. this time around, he insisted on sleeping with me in the same room, got up every night even up until now every time ammar wakes up. he even holds ammar during ammar's nights of not wanting to sleep asking me to rest while he puts ammar to sleep. these amaze me so much as he is actually afraid of babies fragility that he did not do all that when we had aqil. and these make me miss him more when he is away during weekdays sobs.
well now, even mak does not need to sleep with us. we are that independent now hehe..kelakar pulak remembering the time when we had aqil, we all berkampung in the living room where each night a line up of people sleeping with me were mak, maktok and my mak kedah and my baby sis. haha..

*fact6*
on the day dear husband went to register ammar for his birth certificate, another supposed-to-be father was there with him. it was just that he lost both his wife and their first baby. he went to register their deaths. two people at the same place and time, one who celebrates joy and another had to surrender to sorrow, because of the same root of causes, but of different outcomes.

*fact7*
i had my urut and tunku session for 10 days straight and each of it was awesome! today i had my 20 days session and next would be my 40 days punye session. my tukang urut is sooo nicee and each session left me with fruitful and meaningful knowledge given by my tukang urut aka che na yg sgt jelita dan baik hati!;) sape yg tak berurut and bertungku after bersalin sgt rugi ye puan puan hehe..

*fact8*
my meal everyday (specifically for lunch) is of rice, ikan bakar and sup sayur or steamed sayur and plain water and lots of kurma. for breakfast and dinner or whenever i'm hungry i would have milk/ milo dunked with biskut kering yummmsssss! and berbarut perut some more!woohooo tp why tak kurus sgt lagi ek?heheh

*fact9*
started bathing ammar a week after i had him because tak cukup kakitgn hehe adeh and i always enjoy putting clothes onto babies wuwu! and luckily i enjoyed doing both. and now aqil pun nk ibu mandikan him and basuh his poop every time ayah is not around. heheh

*fact10*
despite all the horror of delivery, hardships, pains, sleepless nights, i just love being a mum. ;))

some things are just too beautiful, alhamdulillah

it has been 14 days since you were born dear ammar ;)

it also means me having constant 'wars' with your big brother's acts and tantrums mashaAllah for the past 14 days..with that..along the way..the joy and wonderful feelings of having both of you in our lives are beyond words..ibu and ayah are proud to have both of you in our lives no matter what..

well ammar, the journey of having you, bringing you into this world was not easy, but hey..we got you in the end..thank you sayang for being such an easy baby..does not ask much from ibu..it's amazing how you sleep most of the time especially right after you were born, like as if you knew ibu needed rest from the tough labour sayang..thank you so much..just looking at you staring back at me takes all the pain away. i would not ask for more;)

Allah is so Great that he always Knows whats best for us..although i kept saying i'm too scared to have another baby, but hey..if Allah has destined you and abang aqil to have another sibling or two or more..what can i say..;) cause each of your birth story carries its own meaning to both of us, your ayah and ibu. all in one word, beautiful.

we love you and abang aqil so much. we may not be the best parents in the world, but we have our love and care to offer, despite our mistakes and errors in educating you and abang to be a good Muslim and human being overall.

well, more adventures and challenges in the days..months and years to come insyaAllah..

love,
ibu.

a birth story

i wanted to write this way back, earlier. afraid that one day i will lose the memory of how things were that day. that very day. the day our second son was born.

i had taken up an earlier two weeks leave off from work due to extreme fatigue and to prepare myself actually. mentally and spiritually, spending time with our darling aqil, having him all to myself, preparing him on the arrival of his baby brother. every time i bathed him and help him put on his clothes, kept reminding him that when baby brother finally arrives, he would have to do all of those with either his nenek or ayah.

the first week of my leave was filled with the usual exhaustion here and there, going out buying last minute stuffs for baby, eating up whatever i crave for almost everyday =) playing doctor patient with aqil and answering his endless questions on when baby is finally coming out of ibu's tummy, not forgetting the fact that he thinks baby's coming out through ibu's 'pusat'. heheh..

on friday the 14th, i went to see my gyn for the final time. it was the final check up. the doctor examined my tummy and even checked my 'way' down theereee. it was not dilating or anything as my due date was supposed to be on the 19th to 20th of September. one thing for sure, my air ketuban was a lot more than it should be. so the doctor talked about what happens when there is too much air ketuban etc and after much discussion, she decided that i should be induced on the 18th of september. at the same time not wanting the baby to get bigger which will make it hard for me to push later. felt like crying and feeling so scared, i got into the car and started to call dear husband and cried my heart out. and why did i cry?i do not know..it was kind of a mixed feeling..everything mixed up together resulting to extreme heartache.

the final few days felt so hard and scarrryyy..sleepless nights with lots of prayers and doas and then came the day. dear husband and i got up as early as before 4, talked heart to heart about how the day was gonna be, did some prayers and we waited for the sun to rise. well, as predicted, it was a hard+fulloftears+great sadness goodbye, departing from 'cryingoutloudwantingtobewithayahandibu' aqil..stopped by a 7e with dear husband, bought some chocolates and etc, went to buy nasi belauk and whatsnot for breakfast and then minutes later we were registering myself, to be admitted right away. well, it did not go that well at first. as i was handing my ic and talking to the nurse, another nurse was on the phone and i could get a thing or two from her conversation. as she was talking and as she realised that i was actually registering, she started telling her friend, another nurse to book room 113 for her friend on the phone. and at that time there was actually only one available single room which was obviously room 113. others were of sharing rooms where there would be another patient sharing the same room with you. i wanted a single room as it would be comfortable enough for me and dear husband to go about doing our things. and then another nurse old me that i had to be in a shared room as the single rooms were all full. and then another nurse was saying 'sapo datang dulu bagi kat die dulu lah' bla bla. (yes there were about 5 to 6 nurses at the counter).i turned around, got onto a sit and felt like crying (again!) and redha je lah dpt bilik mcm mane, hoping that my 'roomate' would be okay.

so up we went to the first level, brought by a very nice nurse who remembered having me delivering aqil 3 years back. she opened a room (i did not bother about looking at the number) and tadaaa...alhamdulillah it was a huge relief knowing that we actually got the last single room. my husband went 'eh bilik sorg kak?' and the nurse went softly saying 'ha ah dik rezeki dik. org tadi tersalah tarikh. die bukan kene masuk hari ni tapi 2 hari lagi'. alhamdulillah syukur sgt kami rase at that time.

so we made ourselves comfortable, ate our nasi berlauk, talked and watched the TV together while waiting for the doctor. 10 minutes to 11 the doctor came and inserted a pill (for inducing) into me and told me to relax while waiting for the contractions to come. my doctor is a superb person so the way she checked 'my way' and inserted the ubat made me felt little pain. managed to perform my Zuhur prayers and mild contractions started coming in at about 2..it grew stronger. the doctor came back at 5 and checked again and was surprised i did not dilate at all although the pain grew stronger each time. she thought she could bring me to the labour room already. at that moment i got worried a bit feeling a bit uneasy. kind of a motherly instinct, feeling that something was wrong. so she inserted another pill and left. and right away the pain grew so strong that it felt so painful that every time the contraction came i had to squeeze dear husband's hand and he did not even let go, counting the minutes apart of each contraction. the pain was stronger than the one i had when giving birth to aqil. before 6 the pain was unbearable so a nurse came in and gave me ubat tahan sakit. seconds after she injected the ubat there was a pop sound inside me and whhooooossshhhhhhhhh my air ketuban began to come out and it was like a person tgh curah air dalam baldi out sgt banyak. my lil borther aiman witnessed everything and he was stunned seeing all the water gushing out like crazy. dear husband was performing his prayers at that time and yes both of them went a bit white hehe..so the pain grew stronger and stronger but alhamdulillah i still managed to solat maghrib and prepared myself mentally for what i would go through in the labour room later.

minutes after 8 two nurses came in and one of them asked the permission to check my way don there. and this time, i really felt something was not right as she struggled to find my opening inside there. i could feel her searching for something inside me, apologizing to me for having to go about inside me which caused great pain. i could hear her telling her friend 'mane doctor kate 2 cm takdok pun bla bla' and she said hmm 'ni dok ko..dekat 3 hingga 4 cm..kito masuk labour room lah kak' she said.

at 8.30 i was on the bed inside the labour room and ya Allah the pain was so intense. it was so great that my knees trembled whenever there was a contraction.and with each contraction my air ketuban would still come out. when i had aqil i remembered it was also painful but i managed to handle the pain. but this time it was so hard that i let out whispers to dear husband saying the word Allah and how painful it was. up to a moment when i asked for more pain relief but the nurses said i cant take in anymore of it so they gave me some sort of oxygen mask and whenever i felt pain i need to press a button and some sort of gas would come out and i were to inhale them. and truth be told, it did not really ease the pain. kept repeating the selawat and zikir and whats not especially the ayat nabi Nuh and at times i really felt like i could not take the pain anymore. i started to mintak maaf from dear husband and ayah who was there for me that night. really, i really thought of kematian at that time i do not know why.

at 9 something two nurses on duty that night came in and checked my way. what was weird was that both of them took turns while checking me and began whispering to each other. i really felt something was seriously wrong and the pain was really killing me. the nurses asked me to lay on my left side, hold up my right leg and pushed whenever i felt the contractions. and yet they had this worried look on their faces and i started asking where the doctor was. also asking them what was wrong. i felt like crying actually when i saw their gloves were not only with blood but some greenish+blackish+brownish substance. they told me takpo kak takpo kak which also was killing me so dear husband insisted for them to call the doctor in (my gyn was actually doing something just outside the labour room). the doctor came in and checked my and said 'Ya Allah na, anak na songsang ni, punggung dulu ni. mcm mane boleh berpusing ni na'. well, imagine how i felt. no wonder the earlier nurses said it was difficult to feel my opening and no wonder the other two nurses were whispering minutes before..i began to think of nothing but dying at that moment. telling me that i was already 10 cm dilated, she told me to start pushing and try having the baby delivered normally. she told me that if the baby dah menyongsang dari pagi, i would straight away be in the OR having a Csection dgn keadaan baby yg songsang dan besar!isk

at exactly 9.30 (just like aqil's delivery)  i started pushing. and MashaAllah..the pain was greater everytime and it was so hard to push. both my legs were hanged.　i was asked to grab hold of the pole of the stand where my legs were put up whenever i was to push. the contractions was less than 2 minutes apart and i had to try pushing every time. ya Allah, to tell the truth, i gave up minutes later as it was so hard and painful. i felt like blacking out a few times during the pushing process due to tiredness and told the doctor to push me into the OR to cut me open and bring my baby out. seriously, i though i was gonna die. during intervals, i still remembered asking the doctor how was the baby was he coming out and every time i was done pushing i would stretched my hands and felt him down there. and yes i felt his butt. the greenish substance was actually him pooping as his butt was poked and tucked each time. dear husband (which really surprised me as during aqil's delivery he was really white and nearly fainted) was saying telling me to kuatkan semangat fikir pasal anak jgn give up and each time i pushed i could hear him saying lagi sayang sayang boleh sayang..while i was asking the doctor what if the baby wont come out what if it was so hard because it was his butt first not the head and the doctor patiently answered each of my questions while dear husband was telling me to trust the doctor. i also remembered looking around me where on my right side was my husband, on my left there was a pembantu nurse who held my left hand saying 'ingat Allah dik' and her face looked as if she was really scared and was going to cry seeing the situation. facing my 'opening' was my gyn who would say out lout the ayat Nabi Nuh everytime i pushed, two young nurses on both her sides who also looked scared but gave me great encouragement every time i pushed and i really thought that was the last time i was gonna see them.

the whole process seemed like a slow motion for me, with my own self feeling tired and pain each time. blood and baby's poop was all over me up to my cheek actually adeh..and as i remembered, the final push i had finally brought the baby butt's out and later his head. the moment i pushed for his head to come out i was actually not feeling any contractions but i also pushed anyway wanting the baby to come out for good and i really felt the whole thing down there was ripped and torn. it was that painful. it was that intense and there he was, being put onto my chest, all blue and crying. i looked at him and all i said was Allahuakbar anak ibu Allahuakbar anak ibu..the feeling? nothing that i could even describe. that is the magical beauty of having a baby i guess..;)

the whole pushing process took me one hour and 11 minutes. he came out exactly at 10.41 pm.

alhamdulillah it has been 13 days since our Muhammad Ammar was born. he weighed at 3.45 kg and is an easy baby to take care of. i really thought i was not gonna make it but alhamdulillah kuasa Allah i managed to go through it all and redha with what Allah has destined for me to experience for my second delivery of our beloved son. Allah knows what was best for us and both dear husband and I learned quite a few things out of this experience of our. if you ask him, he would describe the whole thing as 'mengerikan' ;)

i am thankful that i had Dr. S as my gyn who  had faith in me, telling me that i could do it all the way. she also said that it was unusual for babies to be turning around last minute as when i went to see her on the 14th of september the baby's head was fitted perfectly down there. i guess Allah had other plans for me;) i am thankful to the nurses, my family especially my dear husband. i had never knew you could be that strong. i never felt this much loved by you, i never imagine how the feeling is this beautiful and wonderful to have another baby with you. thank you sayang and i love you and our two boys so much.

and most importantly, thank you Allah for having me, for saving me, for letting me feel all of these.

Diri ini bersyukur kepada Mu ya Allah..

*i might be stopping here having only two children, if we are to add up the 'collection', kene mandi bunga dulu buang rase fobia hehe..just kidding..much love*

Life is beautiful because...

Allahuakbar..my week ended in an excited feeling of having my beloved ones coming over to jerantut...just because we wanted and needed to be with each other i guess..ayah being a workaholic suddenly gets to get a few days off fro the university, with adik man having a long semester break being here in Malaysia for quite sometime..i feel blessed for having them to be healthy and able to travel to our home here in the 'J' town..including our moktok too..thank you Allah..

so the night after their arrival, abang and kakngah decided to have a small barbeque session..ayah asked to invite our beloved abah and family..it was like a masterchef cook off pulak yesterday hehe..and now i am down with a fever flu and coughing siap adeh..but hey..it is worth all what i experienced last night*winkwink*

so i was already feeling uneasy with my running nose and berat kepala..was preparing drinks as abah,mak and adik2 dah sampai..waiting for ayah to come back from the mosque and kakngah picking up abe ngah..i was making 7up+tropicalpunch+water and ice drink (chewwah sempat lagi)..and was looking outside the kitchen window thinking of adik din..since everybody was here i was like best nye if my adik din was here..i missed him a lot lately..been talking on the phone to him quite a lot lately..lately lately..and suddenly...!!i heard everyone outside saying oohh ahhhh as if something wonderful just happened and i turned back..and there he was hugged by abang adik man and i don't know who and i felt numb..and tears dwelled up..he was standing right there..being hugged and yet he was smiling at me..unconciously i literally ran to him and hugged him and cried..ya Allah..i always asked for something good to happen to everyone..and this..happening to my ownself..and others..is beyond good..it was priceless..and the drama went on with tearful mak and surprised moktok and ayah..alhamdulliah..even abah also took part in the whole surprising drama when ayah arrived back from the mosque..hehe..abah yang makin handsome dgn janggutnye..hehe..

anyway..life..spins around for everyone..the moment we celebrate love, joy and presence..there are those who faces loss and picking up the pieces to continue their lives..like my own best friend at school dearest kak maziah..she just lost her husband who was a dear in all of our hearts..Allah..and she was 23 days after having her second baby..and her first is of the same age as aqil..we lost him to lymphoma at the age of 31..my kak maziah kept telling me how she needed me and needed semangat from me..and insyaAllah i will always be with her..all the way..insyaAllah..truth be told,i myself experience great sadness over his death, but i know i have to be strong for her..kept telling myself Allah dah pilih kak maziah because Allah knows kak maziah can endure it all sooner or later..but this few weeks are gonna be tough and i will stand by her..

see how life is? right now, we may feel as if we are some of the luckiest people, having the chance to feel they joy and happiness the world could offer with grants from Allah..but never fail to remind ourselves, we cannot run away from facing the hardships prepared by Allah for us..it is only the matter of solat and doas, being strong inside and out,  love and affection..from the ones we love..

right now, i'm blessed and at the same time i constantly remind myself that these are all from Allah..thank you Allah..ku bersyukur kepadaMu..jauhilah dan lindungilah kami dari segala bala bencana, bala penyakit, segala keburukan dan kejahatan. jika telah tertakdir untuk kami akan dugaan yang telah Engkau janjikan, tetapkan lah iman kami, kuatkan lah diri kami dan kepadaMu kami berserah..amin..

life is beautiful because of all these..we experience joy and happiness because Allah wanted us to learn to be grateful..bersyukur dengan kurniaan Allah..

life is beautiful because when we experience loss, Allah wanted us to learn to appreciate, value and love the people we have in our lives before we lose each other..

do not think that our lives are better just because...or questioning why we are not experiecing the better lives others are having..what Allah has destined for us is insyaAllah..the best for us..Allah works in msyterious and wonderful ways..hanya Allah yang maha Mengetahui..Allahuakbar..

^the boys including the little boy of ours went out for a *boysdayoutbutstrictlyremindedtomakeittobeonlyforafewhours* as we are going back to bukit mendi to ziarah kubur arwah mokwo later today^

~have a blessed weekend everyone~

of 'Oh my God' and 'Gosh'

salam..it really has been a while..an update about my life..

just completed my fourth semester in ukm for my masters..one more to go masyaAllah..time flies isn't it huhu alhamdulillah after all the tears and sweats..done my first three chapters of the project paper so it is now time to collect data and analyze! anyway the semester did end with tears lots of them after the final exam paper adeh..heartbreaking and heart wrenching it was..praying hard that it won't hinder what i am aiming for after i graduated..if my PNGK drops then i am so done wuwu huhu..keeping my fingers cross on this one..let my husband's heart be open to the opportunity that we have upon our lives in the years to come..huhu..keep on repeating to him 'This is like my childhood dream abang pleaseeeeeeeee come away with meeeee!!!!'hehe over..;p

like ayah said..when Allah has already granted you with what you've planned for your life, nobody could deny it..huhu..my studies will be continued next year as i had to tangguh for this coming september's semester as that will be my long awaited due date waaa takut takut...!
talking about the upcoming baby..i'm entering my 27th week of pregnancy..lil one's been kicking and diving swimming doing Allah knows what in my tummy and i always worry that this lil one will be bigger than his abang aqil..rase senak more than when i had abang aqil whenever he movesss...yess..it is a 'he' again this time..well tipulah if nak kata i wasn't hoping for a girl..but anyways i am still blessed and i get to give abang aqil a lil brother to keep him busy hehe..asalkan sihat dan sempurna sifat anak ibu Alhamdulillah amin..aih pening sikit jelah cause the house akan lagi bersepah and noisy with all the three boys (including the ayah who sometimes ibu kene ajar about disiplin like a small kid adeh lah)..and aqil..everytime i tell him the baby is going to be a boy he'll go..'noo..baby girlllllll'..sorry sayang..ibu kene beranak lagi lah lepas ni huhu...

anyway..about our little or not so little anymore aqil as he is going to be a big brother sooooonnn..he is growing up so fast..one thing that i am amazed is how loving he is now (at the same time sgt bengkeng jugok) and how he is now uttering phrases and words i used to say to him or in front of him when he was younger (children imitate greatly!)..he is starting to produce certain words and phrases integrating them in his daily speech that his ayah got really amazed at him most of the times..and ibu just goes..well...haha..

anyway..he is ready for more serious learning like the al-Quran using the steps in qiraati and alhamdulillah he knows how to take his wudhu following the steps although tak cukup 3 kali atau berlebihan..hehe..and if he is wearing baju the whole baju seluar sume basah everytime wudhu..solat je tak boleh concentrate lame..alhamdulillah at least he is learning what he is supposed to do step by step..day by day i learn how to be patient and deal with his tantrums (most of the time ibu je berjaya calm him down ayah tak dapat..surrender awal2 lagi)..everytime i say no or membebel or marah2 sayang to him he will say 'ibu tak sayang aqil ke marah aqil..aqil kan sayang ibu..' or when i cook his favourite food 'thank you ibu masak utk aqil sedaplah ibu'..hehe( even your ayah doesn't say those words that well to me sayang..;))..whenever we say 'kenape buat mcm ni' or make a sad face because of his doing he will go 'oh i'm sorry' or if we say i'm sorry to him he would reply 'it's okay' hehe..and everytime i do something for him he never misses saying 'thank you ibu'..and that mothers..is what he imitate from those around him and from what i usually say to him..and yes..oh my god and gosh are some of his favourite phrases..hehe..and again yes..these are the joy of being a mother alhamdulillah..insyaAllah given the chance to have another bundle of joy, the happiness and  joyfulness will be doubled insyaAllah amin...

*have a great weekend everyone..ours are insyaAllah gonna be fun and meaningful as it is a get together for the whole family this weekend..alhamdulillah..*

why?

as a human being, one (especially me) cannot run from questioning about whatever that has been destined by Allah for us..

why can't i get pregnant without having to feel like this?everyday is about 'jelepekness'..mual luga terbalik..pening berpusing2..semput..everytime..24/7..i forced myself to do things around the house but failed most of the time..kept repeating the word sorry and thank you so much to beloved husband..*isk*

coming back to my senses (slapping both of my balooning cheeks) Allah has given the most precious gift ever, having the chance to give dear husband another bundle of joy and a younger sibling for darling aqil who is getting more independent as ever is something so priceless (despite the agonizing pain when giving birth wuwu)..all the things that i had to go through now remind me more of Allah and made me appreciate my husband more and hopefully he will too..*hugs*

why do i now have to be thinking or forced to hold my semesters due to my condition? a few close friends from ukm kept calling me asking me what subjects i'm taking this semester nak together2 lalala through the semester..huhu..sedih pikir kalau tak grad same2 and amik difficult subjects same2 so that boleh pening and work hard together..tapi rase mcm nak kuatkan semangat utk pegi juga sambung jgk my semesters..huhu..

coming back to my senses maybe it will be a good thing if i postpone but the whole year tu yg buat den raso borat sikit eh..huhu..but can i manage to drive or maybe go by bus and naik turun train before reaching kajang..huhu..pening2..and haven't make up my mind yet over this matter...

why does japan have to have really strict rules for pregnant mothers to board a plane form their airport????huhu..ayuni and my abengoh decided to go to japan for their honeymoon in may so we decided to tag along as dear husband was excitedly saying 'bile lagi yang jom pegi ramai2' siap suruh ajak mak ayah segala bagai..so we decided yeah jom since its during school holidays and the ticket price was reasonable for the three of us..aqil's ayahchik tak sabar nak bawak aqil pegi disneyland sume so best!so the tickets were bought online and the TAC number had been keyed in and just about to click the CONFIRM button for the purchase of the tickets, my darling brother called from japan telling me in frustrations about the whole procedures for pregnant women when boarding a plane from japan..japan highly cares for people coming in and out of their country up to a level where pregnant women should have a check up and get confrimation from their hospitals saying that we are fine enough to board the plane..and that will cost an additional hospital fee of Allah knows how much..my darling adik din asked 'kaklong if 5 months pregnant nampak tak because kalau tak nampak kite pregnant diorg takkan question' and i went 'kaklong kalau tak pregnant pun perut dah mcm berape bulan if 5 bulan pregnant dah nampak mcm nak beranak kot haha!'..and there goes our japan getaway..

coming back to my senses well i guess Allah wants us to use the money for other purposes especially for the new baby and insyaAllah we will get there some other day as adik din is going to be staying there for another few more years insyaAllah!maybe rezeki anak no.2 untuk sampai kesana together with us hehe..*sobsjugaksikit*

anyway, leaving the whys and now thinking of the word how. how am i supposed to hold on to my senses to be in the car for more than 20 minutes for our journey back to kb huhu..will be going back to see the specialist and to meet mak..adeh..may Allah help us through our journey back...amin..

my bittersweet 2012

salam, hello.

since i've not been able to write that frequent nowadays, so a lot has happened since my last entry.

december started of with assignments buzzing, flying to and fro every weekend for my  ukm classes, wedding favors and wedding matters which ended up with a beautiful wedding for my one and only baby sister. we did everything by ourselves and were proud of all of them. alhamdulillah. now we are blessed with a loving abe ngoh and my sister has never been so happy.

hello january and it is now february. *teary eyed* i am missing my mak so much who has gone away for umrah with her four best friends (hoping that i'll get to do the same with my own bestfriends one day)..in fact i am missing everybody at home and mak's cooking especially. will be starting the new semester end of this month. have paid the fees but have not yet registered the subjects and at this moment, am not even sure whether i can proceed my semester anymore.

alhamdulillah, these two months have given us joy. we are welcoming a new member into our small family. hello my 8 weeks baby. ibu loves you so much already. but there's also another element inside my tummy that is growing along with the baby. Allah, please guide us and let me be strong enough to go through this one. i will be strong if its only that 'thing', but with the little one needing space and lot's of love and support from me, i guess stronger is the word, not giving up and being all wobbly and sad all the time.

i guess Allah has prepared quite an experience for me this time. wanting me to analyse what i have done and not done along the way. but dear Allah, there is just one thing, please keep my little one safe from any harm. and keep me safe and as healthy as i might be to be with my husband, darling aqil and the little one. (ibu is secretly hoping for a girl, but a boy would be just as much wonderful). abang aqil is also hoping for a sister. his new habit is kissing my tummy and talking to the baby.

well, i guess Allah Maha Mengetahui, and hopefully i'll be able to go through all these. and thank you to my one and only husband who had been helping with all the house matters and taking care of aqil, and also the 24/7 sickness of a pregnant wife. hanya Allah yang dapat balas jasa abang. *iloveyousomuch*