Monday, September 26, 2011

*a dedication to my baby bro*

haha mesti aiman marah dapat title *babybro*..adeh..we are missing you so much adik..Allah knows how much..;)

so for this entry i would like to dedicate it especially to you..

i could still recall the day when you were was in the month of june and i was in my standard 4..we used to go to school with this arwah makcik mah yg mak ayah bayar to send and pick us up from school who lives near our on the way back we actually went to the hospital to pick you and mak as at that juncture of time ayah was away for a meeting in kuala lumpur..i could remember mak being in pain for quite some time and the delivery was quite hard for her but hey..she got you in the end so it was worth the pain;)

when we went back home your abg din (who was 5 years old at that time and sgt manja) was there with his masam the moment we took his bakul pakaian to put his clothes away and put yours in (the new baby in the house ahahaha)  he ran to makcik ani's house and cried his heart out adeh sedih pulak ingat balik..he felt left out i guess lagi2 ayah pun was away so he had no one to turn to and be hugged and soothed;)

so after one or two days mcm tu and when ayah was still away and he was getting back home from his meeting we got a call from ayah saying that he had gotten the opportunity to go further his studies abroad..i was quite small (ceh perasan nampak sgt tak matang) so i don't really get too excited but i could feel the small adrenaline as i get to travel far and be on an aeroplane for the very first time in my life ;) with that ayah came back and we named you aiman which means yang bertuah..and you seemed to be very lucky as when people started coming to our house a few days before we flew off to england (there were lots of them) people tend to give you money (which is kelantan people punye custom whenever we visit babies if tak bagi hadiah mesti bagi duit) and your money was so very the many!how cool is that kan..mmg bertuah adik kaklong sorg ni..hehe..alhamdulillah..kene dgn nama yg mak ayah pilih..

so off we went to newcastle upon tyne which was berbelas hours punye journey..we took a plane to heathrow and later we got onto a smaller plane off to was very tiring and we suffered great jet lag but things over there were breathtakingly beautiful although it was a bit was autumn when we adik mea,you may not remember much what we did and where we went while we were there but there was one moment which i remembered the most as it was a really sad and difficult time for was when adik ibrahim died in mak's tummy just as he was gonna meet mak and ayah had to be in the hospital as mak had to deliver arwah adik ibrahim just as if he was going to be born like the kakngah, adik din, you and me had to stay at makcik hendon's house just in front of ours at that time..and that night you cried like crazy everybody including makcik hendon's family and other malaysian families yg berdekatan who came to stay at makcik hendon's house to be with us got really worried and we tried everything to make you stop..sampailah i can't remember which makcik who asked us to wrap you up with kain sarung batik mak..and you stopped crying and later ayah came back telling us everything was alright with tears in his eyes..i remember i cried hard that time thinking how we missed mak and that we had lost adik ibrahim..but i know he'll be waiting for mak and ayah later so we got on and he is missed every now and then;) you were such a cute little baby when we were living in england as you would have this pink chubby cheek..sgt comel..and mmglah if  we are living in the UK our skin akan jadi sgt cantik wuwu..

so a few years have passed and you've grown up to be a cute little boy and i could still remember your kindergarten years..we had only one car at that moment and mak didn't have her driving licence yet so every morning (okay rase nak nangis) mak would carry you on the back of her bicycle (yg ade raga kat depan) up to the main road, and then ride a bus and drop you off kat kindergarten tu..huhu..nilai kasih sayang seorang mak kan..and yet we still make her sad at times wuwu..

so time moved fast and one moment you're in your prefect outfit having a blast during your primary school years and one moment you're all chubby and then got thinner when you were in sic and one moment you were independently living your life in mrsm got thinner and taller..and further away from now..adeh *sobsob*

well adik mea, it has been great and will always be great to watch what you do and encounters that you come upon while living your life. you made great friends who are so close to you (and that you guys make an awesome band!) that they sanggup hantar you at the airport when you were flying off at three in the morning with their smiling face, warm hugs and loving pats of the back when they were saying their last goodbyes..i could still remember me hugging you tightly and hearing you say 'jgn mcm ni long jgn mcm ni long i'm trying my best ni long not to cry' was hard for me to say goodbye because i really feel that you are not old enough to go venture yourself to the outside world full of strangers and to a place you've never been before..will you adapt well will you have good friends will you eat well will you be strong enough to face any hardships which would come in your way?it breaks my heart to recently heard that your abang din actually faced quite difficulties when tsunami hit breaks my heart to face the fact that my two younger baby brothers are far away and that when you needed us we could not be there physically with you;( *sobsoblagi*..)

well, if i could, i'd like to have all my adik2 to be near me which is impossible lah kan..dah rezeki adik2 kaklong yang ditetapkan oleh Allah and itulah yang terbaik utk adik mea sendiri..i am missing you so much that i tend to regret for not spending more time with you..i love you so much..i hope you'll be just fine there protected by Allah..i hope you will remember all of our pesanan and yes insyaAllah i will upload the 'video' for you soon;)..

adik, take care, ingat Allah, jgn tinggal solat..keep us posted okay?i love you.

lots of love;
your one and only kaklong.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

*second baby tralala*

this entry is inspired by iva's blog entitled third baby something something (could not remember the post when writing this). i've got quite a number of questions in relations to my second baby..well the answer is i am dying to have one. i would like to have another baby so much that it hurts a bit to see other people holding babies snuggling warmly in their arms. i miss the days when i could feel the little one kicking inside of me, the look and attention i'd get from others just because i'm having this huge tummy..i'd like to have another child blessed by Allah, for us to nurture him or her to be a good muslim, a good child and with charateristics that we could be proud of.senang kate sejuk perut ibu mengandung. we are still having great and fabulous adventure of being the best parent we could be for our darling aqil whom we love so much Allah knows how much that it brings tears to my eyes when i think of how much i love him. in fact both suami tersayang and i had shed quite bucket full of tears for aqil just because we love him so much (tetibe pening dgn the phrase so much). in seeing, helping and nurturing aqil to be his true self and practising whats best for him for now in this world and in the hereafter, we stumble and fall and fail few times and we regreted for the mistakes we did, are doing and will be doing but hey..we are human beings and whatever happens no other love can put away our love for our son aqil. except for Allah yang sememangnya maha menyayangi..

having a second baby would be a true blessing as you can never exchange the feelings and happiness of being a parent with anything in this world..having another small cuddly human being calling you 'mom' 'ibu' and sometimes 'yang' 'sayang' (when copying the father calling the mother by the name) is something that soothes your'll feel as if you had your dreams coming true and etc..having them hugging and kissing you with no reason ( i do get that nowadays more than from en suami which i joke to him a lot on that matter and he admits he gets the same from aqil (more) too hahaha i love you sayang)..having the little one come running to you just because kene marah by any of us (marah2 sayang) or most of the time when i marah2 aqil would come clinging at me adeh cair hati ibu sister would always marah and menyampah saying 'la tadi marah lepas tu hug2 kiss2 pulak kaklong kaklong' hehe..wait till you yourself be a mom yang'..

up until now i am still not proud of my parenting skills cause i know  i have flaws and there are soo many young parents out there who seem to be doing very well with their parenting job that brings me to a question whether if i am given the chance to have another baby does that make me to a better parent along the way?huhu..can i be better for both aqil and the new little one?will i be able to complete my semesters if i'm blessed with another baby? how are we gonna cope with the new baby my studies aqil and the fact that i either had to leave the baby to mak or abang alone with aqil tagging along?will i have enough money time and love and affection to be divided on all of my priorities?will i face more pains and strecthes and stiches when delivering? will i can i??

more questions. questions. and questions. yes that is me. a human being trying to be a better muslim, wifey, mother and daughter, sister and friend. always with questions and excuses. always. neglecting the fact that it is Allah who knows what is best for us. neglecting the fact that every child comes with rezeki from Allah. neglecting the fact that every problem had a solution. neglecting the fact that avery hardships faced will teach you to be a better person inside and out. neglecting the fact that everything would eventually be alright as you have your loved ones with you. neglecting the fact that when you are in an uphill battle and you are facing the toughest times of your life, you have Allah to turn to, helping to ease your worries and sorrows.

well, to sum up, insyaAllah we are ready for a second baby. if Allah blesses us with one, Alhamdulillah syukur ya Allah. and if we are not, maybe Allah has a better plan for us. and each day goes by, i'm ready to 'upgrade' or do things here and there in becoming a better muslim. thank you Allah kerana telah menggerakkan hati hamba Mu ini sedikit demi sedikit..semoga Allah menguatkan hati ini untuk terus mengekalkan ape yang terbaik dan diredhaiMu ya Allah..;)

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

*it's been a while again ey?*

asal nak start writing mesti terfikir ayat it's been a while sebab mmg dah lame tak menulis huhu..hello there..mmg lah it's been a while for me..nothing has changed no second baby yet (although i am dying to have one wuwu) more semesters to go belum habis lagi buat masters all of that except for the fact that i'm getting fatter and i am starting to get really fed up of myself meaning that something needs to be done fast especially when your sister's wedding is getting near..bile dah ade wedding ramai yg berkumpul letih nak menjawab soalan sambil terase sorg2 bile orang cakap what happen to you kenape gemuk sangat kenape jadi mcm ni lalalalala.

little aqil (whom i'm gonna have to stop calling him little aqil as he's getting bigger and bigger so fast!) is getting smarter and more independent..i did not foresee that he would grow up into a loving, compassionate and caring person (except for the fact that his toys are his toys and other people's toys are also his toys)..huhu he does not know how to share and am really trying to teach him slowly on that huhu..setiap kali other kids are crying because of little aqil i would feel guilty for not training my little one on giving and sharing blergh. anyway on the good side he's also getting really independent knowing what to do by himself..huhu..but his kemanjaan makin menjadi2 walaupun independent at the same time..of all those things, i love you sayang *hugs and kisses*. and i love you more as now you are slowly replacing 'Mum' to 'Ibu'..hehe..that means a lot much as i love the word 'Mum', 'Ibu' has been my dream word since forever bebeh hehe.

september equals to joyful and blissful raya, get together, reunions and all the sweet little things which bring great meanings to my life. however, september is also when my adik man would be flying away and away and my adik din also had gone back to tokyo and am missing him so much already. and september also means there are two months plus2 before ayuni's wedding and things are gonna be hectic because there are a lot of things to do as we decided to do most of the things by ourselves huhahuha..perasan kreatif tapi kami sgt excited!okay tapi rasa sedih sikit isk isk. and my new semester is starting tomorrow adeh sgt on friday before going back home i decided to indulge myself doing things i love going lalalaing at ikea buying things for aqil and hunting for aqil's carseat jugak nak kene tukar baru susah betul nak jumpe yg berkenan yes ikeaing without aqil does mean i'm free from running around and it'll be quiet without aqil shrieking and crying his heart out but it'll be no fun..tapi nak pegi juga huhu.

again i really am thankful for all that i have but i am still praying and hoping that Allah will bless our lives with all the things in life..dreams are too many but hopefully Allah will grant one of our dreams whether it is sooner or or never..if it is a 'never' maybe Allah has planned something dreams will always be inside of's never wrong to keep those dreams ey?;)

my bubbly aqil

my life

Thursday, July 28, 2011

a reflection

time flies so fast. we are already reaching August and my new semester is starting soon! oh boleh tak kalau nak kate malas huhu..i love my state of life now spending lots and lots of time with darling aqil and my ridzuan adeh..keep telling him how i wanted to take only classes on friday and thursday so that i can angkut aqil and him with me everytime i attend my classes huhu..

well, a lot had happened. am gaining more weight..aqil had an operation but now he is getting bigger and talks more and more (alhamdulillah) little sister is getting married to her childhood sweetheart (isk isk sedih) youngest brother is flying away this september(isk isk sedih lagi) third brother is coming home for raya (alhamdulillah yeay!)..and i would like to have another baby but shiver at the thought of ulang alik to kl alone with a big bump huhu..deep in my heart i really want another baby..well..let's just leave it to Allah then kan?after all Allah knows whats best for us..

i'm getting older too..and ramadhan will be here soon..hopefully  this year we will get more berkat and pahala and will be able to do more amalan and etc. i've set special goals for this ramadhan and hopefully i'll be able to complete them with Allah's will.

come to think  of it, throughout our lives, there are always goals and plans being made. but of course Allah yg tentukan semuanye..and seeing how certain things don't go the way we wanted or they did go well and in fact better than we expected them to be, it makes us to be amazed at how Allah work things out for us. amazed, but i sometimes am not living as a good muslim, practising whatever i should be. alhamdulillah solat 5 waktu yes checked but did i do good in the five acts of my everyday life up until now?the solat hajat, solat tahajud, solat dhuha,the increasing pages of al-quran recitation everytime, going to more ceramah agama etc..those are my goals but haven't yet been achieved.

reflection, reflection, reflection. up until now, i feel like i haven't really been a good wife, daughter, mother, sister and friend and most importantly sebagai hamba Allah. starting things anew for this ramadhan and for the months to come (don't wanna just be good during ramadhan but after the month ends jadi kureng balik nauzubillah)..Ya me please?will my goal for this one be achieved? well, it is up to Allah..and my usaha as well..amin..

Jika tiba bulan Ramadhan, maka dibuka pintu-pintu syurga dan ditutup pintu-pintu neraka dan dibelenggu semua syaitan (HR. Bukhari dan Muslim).

"bulan Ramadhan, bulan yang di dalamnya diturunkan Al Quran sebagai petunjuk bagi manusia dan penjelasan-penjelasan mengenai petunjuk itu dan pembeda (antara yang hak dan yang bathil). Karena itu, barangsiapa di antara kamu hadir (di negeri tempat tinggalnya) di bulan itu, m...aka hendaklah ia berpuasa pada bulan itu, dan barangsiapa sakit atau dalam perjalanan (lalu ia berbuka), maka (wajiblah baginya berpuasa), sebanyak hari yang ditinggalkannya itu, pada hari-hari yang lain. Allah menghendaki kemudahan bagimu, dan tidak menghendaki kesukaran bagimu. Dan hendaklah kamu mencukupkan bilangannya dan hendaklah kamu mengagungkan Allah atas petunjuk-Nya yang diberikan kepadamu, supaya kamu bersyukur" [2:185]

(copied and pasted from AMIR Japan)

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan everyone..

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

my true first love

the first time i saw your face, you were covered with slimy white fat all over and was crying with your blue turning red face (as you were stucked for quite a while in the 'alley' as ibu faced quite a hard time pushing hehe)..i felt numb at that time due to the pain of pushing and i even passes out for a few seconds. but as i began coming into reality, i started to realize that your ayag was crying besides me telling me 'anak kite sayang anak kite sayang' and your nenek and mama came inside crying i then began to realise that you have arrived into this world to be with us and i began crying thanking Allah for the pain and the joy your bring. alhamdulillah..

now you are 2 years old sayang..time flies so fast and i fail to not being able to forget the days when i get to cuddle you as a baby.i miss the 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 and etc month of you.i miss your cooing and humming.aishh..i love you sayang..

well, just to note how you had to undergo a serious situation days before you turn 2. my heart was ripped and torn seeing you suffering from the agonizing pain. i never failed to ask for Allah to move the pain to me. but alhamdulillah, you were being very strong and you managed to overcome the difficult moments. i was strong because of you and your ayah. i could still remember on the night back from the kuantan specialist, with us knowing that you were in serious condition and we had to rush back to kota bharu for you to get warded, i was sitting in the back seat and your ayah was besides me and you were sleeping on your ayah's lap. i was crying uncontrollably because in my heart i knew that this thing about you was big and i just could not take it at that time. your ayah held out his hand and squeezed my hand tight and said to me'jgn nangis yang. it's gonna be alright. abang ade'. and he has tears dwelled up in his eyes. i cried even worse. but i grew stronger in my heart. deep down. but i want you to know that your ayah too cried hard. he stayed cool when we were on our way to the operation theatre. but then, when he assisted you into the pre-operation room and hold you until you were being put to sleep, he came out sobbing. those moments were tough for us sayang.

well, your ibu and ayah learned a lot of things from what the three of us had to go through for the past few weeks.Allah destined you to be sick and opened up our eyes on many things. we reflected back and we could see the things that we did wrongly and the good things that we did not do. we could see the real true friends who would ask about how you are doing everyday and came to see you despite their busy schedule and setbacks as compared to those who live nearby by do not even bother to come visit you. i don't really mind, but deep down in my heart it made me a bit sad. but on top of all that, you are healthy now and that's enough. but as stressed by your ayah, we should not do whatever that other people do to us (bad and hurtful things). we should learn from it and do not do what those people do to other people that we love. so that is why we still went to visit your aunty miza although you were having a fever at that time because we did not have any other time to go. although your aunty miza was fully recovered and can walk around laughing after the operation a month ago, we should visit her to show we care and love her. alhamdulillah, your fever lasted for only two days. can you see how Allah loves us sayang?;)

 alhamdulillah, those things make us to be better people. we must always remember that Allah will not make us face hardships that we cannot handle. we learn from what Allah has put us through. it changes a few things inside us.

and you, you are growing stronger and wiser each day. remember that we love you so much no matter what okay? we love you so much.

Monday, May 9, 2011

*he's back*

finally, after four days being away from us, my sayang has come back home.

i never thought i would miss you so much

our little bundle of joy misses you heaps too;)

thank you for the small act of love that you brought home. i love you*_*'

Sunday, May 1, 2011

*cooking for my boys*

truth be told, my husband and i were quite sad mushy mosh, not being able to go back to our hometown due to certain setbacks. ;) with that, i tried doing things (which my husband tend to be like ya Allah apa dia sayang ni) miu miu and finally yesterday i decided to cook him and little aqil of course a special meal for dinner. oh diri ini sgt bangga dgn diri sendiri sebab dapat buat suami and anak kenyang and selepas beberape kali bertanya sedap tak abang sedap tak abang dan suami yg mula meluat jawab sedap sedap (added with the fact that he's actually hungry) begitu juga dgn aqil yg cakap sedap sedap mom diri ini sungguh bahagia.;)

chicken chopppp with black pepper saucey yummy! i took and adapted the recipe from my resipi website.

my husbandku kechentaan ku punye dish..the side dishes are baked beans, fries and homemade coleslaw.

this is mine without the black pepper sauce with homemade potato salad, coleslaw, baked beans and fries.

the recipe was very easy peasy to make..will share it later if anyone requested. sekarang sgt mengantuk sudah. today had a small get together with my family in jerantut whom i love so much. tapi lupe nak tangkap gambar wuwu.


*i heart weekends*

my sunshine - waking up at 7 - saturday morning 

this is the face i would wake up to every morning. 

with this gift from Allah, and the chance to open up my eyes, smelling the refreshing morning air and be with my loved ones.

who will not love weekends?


Monday, April 25, 2011

*loving what you do*

as a normal human being, (chewaah skema sgt introductionnye) we tend to easily be bored with what we do (our job). added with other burdens and paperwork, lagilah. that is why it hurts a bit when i once was thrown away with words 'ala cikgu senang je. balik tengahari. takde ape dah. cuti banyak.

the reality, we have a huge amount of tasks to complete and human beings to care for.we have to think of whether we are doing our best to help our students. are we doing the best in teaching them and do we deserve the amount that we are paid each month when looking at their falling grades etc?

to summarize, i am holding the posts of the head of the english panel, setiausaha SPM, guru biasiswa, ketua rumah sukan, guru kelas, teaching form four and spm classes.adeh. the given posts require me to be dealing with and doing a lot of paperwork. i am now a teacher and a kerani. with the paperwork, tagging along are modules for students, english programs, various karenah of the biasiswa students and etc. sgt challenging.

but, with all that, i never think of them as a big burden. i take and complete each one slowly at my own pace. the first few months were or course challenging and confusing at times, but now, i am beginning to love and savour every bit. i begin to learn that when you love what you do, you will enjoy and be satisfied, no matter how little your task is. even as little as preparing a pamplet for an event at school, or even putting a ribbon on a cenderahati. it feels good. alhamdulillah.

our niat mesti kerana Allah. quoted from my father. masuk kelas, niat kerana Allah. when you are completing a task, niat kerana Allah. you don't do things to make others to marvel you and diberi pujian melambung tinggi. you don't do things to get 'names'. do it with honesty. if there are mistakes, learn from it and move on. ;) insyaAllah, the saticfaction will be there and all the energy and time and even money being put into all the pile of work are worth it.

at this juncture, i am at the peak of preparing things for my darling who are going to seat for their SPM. in the middle of searching for additional information and materials to be compiled into modules. and completing oral evaluations, updating files etc. and my latest project is working on a kertas kerja to hold an English Week. we never had any English Week since the dauy i started teaching here. so, InsyaAllah, am planning to carry out one. a bit berdebar because this is the first time i'm carrying out a big programme like this wuwu.;) hopefully, with all the support and cooperation from other teachers, it will be a smooth sailing.

at times, i'll go ya Allah adlina boleh ke biar betul anak lagi itu lagi ini lagi biar betul dia ni hehe..i want to take the risk, i want to take the chance. if i fail to do so, i will learn from my mistakes insyaAllah. the hard work and the additional 'burden', we will be able to go through it, insyaAllah.

have faith in yourself, love what you do and most importantly niat kerana Allah.
you'll be just fine.

pic from google

Sunday, April 24, 2011

*a note on life*

someone asked, why do you like going back to the UK so much? why do you dream of being there more than once everyday in a week? what is it about the midlands?

i have a few reasons for that. it is true that i dream of to be there with God's willing together with my husband and aqil. i dream of being there, wanting aqil to experience what i have experienced when all of us followed ayah, furthering his studies in Newcastle. i miss those years. not meaning to be bragging, but our experience of being there had in some ways contributed to our way of thinking and what we are today as a human being. most important, a part of my heart must have stayed there as our youngest brother was buried there. one day, with God's will, we'll visit you Ibrahim.

reasons why i love to be there:

a) there is ASDA. the food are cheap. you can get like 8 yoghurts for 80 pence (like rm4) and it tastes so delicious where the plain yoghurts is put aside with the fruits. its like jem but the fruits are there seketul seketul. huhu sedap sedap. and there's my penguin chocolates which is my favourite since i was little when we stayed in Newcastle. and there's tons of fresh vegetables huhu. i went gaga when i first stepped into ASDA during our trip last november.

ayuni walking towards the entrance of ASDA. i was behind her all excited, and cold.

our trolley full of chocs and biscuits hehe. please ignore the fashion disaster with the white winter coat hua

finally. the milk she had been missing and dreaming of.

b) i love the winter breeze and there's this one smell which i can never be able to describe with words. the smell brings joyful tears to my eyes the moment we stepped out of the airport last november. i also love everything about the sceneries. and i love the houses. i love the with lacey curtain on the windows. i love the trees. i love the brick terraces dividing the green fields. i love everything.

the peaceful cold breezy sunny morning (there goes my adjectives placement)

i love the view

some house pictures we managed to take. lupe nak amik awal2. this was taken when we were on our way to the train station heading to paddington, london
 c) there's primark where clothes shoes and etc are cheap!hehe..i bought a few shirts for little aqil at the price of below 5 pounds. that's a good bargain. good enough for me!;)
ayuni and mak in front of one in plymouth. primark in london is way bigger. but we didnt take any photos there.

actually, stuffs and food and etc kat sane mmg sgt murah if kite mmg stay sane and dapat gaji dari sane especially. our visit back then was near christmas so kalau books tu mmg murah lah sebab for them to buy as gifts. i bought a few books for aqil and with just below rm 100 i could get lots of them (we were overweight at the airport because of the books adeh sgt fail sistem travelling huhu). kalau kasut clarks tu kat malaysia tersgt mahal and kadang2 design nye tak cantiik mane. but kat sane you can get a pair for only 12 pounds and there are various supercute designs!

well, i must say there are many more reasons. i mean  am thankful that we have everything here, living together, blessed by Allah with the rezeki and family and friends. but those people over there have attitudes yg sgt sukar org kite nak amik. i mean whenever that i go while we were there, to name a few, i have various reasons to not to love to be there.

reason 1:
they have buses with designed with a special platform for people with wheelchairs, parents with strollers and old people, making it easier for them to get one the bus. and in front of my very eys, the bus driver lowered his bus, and he himself got off from his seat, to open the platform. and the mat salleh sgt disiplin di mana the seats in the front is especially for golongan yang lebih memerlukan like the old people, pregnant women or women with babies etc. the bus jgk also has special space utk letak stroller sume. sgt user friendly.

reason 2:
most of them are very loving! i did encounter some especially the young ones yg agak discriminative towards us who are different from them. but as for others, i really feel comfortable with them. imagine when you're getting off the bus or a taxi they would say 'have a nice day love' or 'good day love'. and when you're paying for something at the counter they would go 'there you go darlin' or 'here you are love'. sgt bagus. their EQ is very high.
weell, all of the above may happened or may be as it is as plymouth itself is a nice place. but in London, the situation and the people there are a bit different. city people kan. everybody nak cepat sume. huhu. i prefer to be in other parts macam plymouth because it's very peaceful sume. huhu

haish..whatever it is, i'm thankful that i am living here, blessed by Allah with all my loved ones and friends. the intention of to go and study abroad has always been inside this little tiny heart of mine since all my sibling have studied, are studying and will be studying abroad. except for me. i'd like to have the experience, to widen my knowledge and ilmu and pengalaman hidup. and because of Allah.

like my ayah always say: Doa kaklong. ask from Allah. who knows you are destined to be there too in the future. if you're not, then it's okay. Allah knows whats best for you.

yes ayah. i thank Allah for all his givings. he knows whats best for me. that's why you and mak are here for us. love you.;)

Thursday, April 21, 2011


i'm not a perfect person myself. but lately i've been encountering people of various attitudes that make me tend to feel very frustrated, annoyed and sad. very sad. maybe i am being too sensitive. well, i am a very sensitive person according to dear husband. huhu.

so let us see whether it is just me or i am right in having the feeling that i have all this while.

people type 1:

a kind of a person who would call you or sms you (as both of you do not meet that often) to talk about herself. just herself. you give feedback and also at the same time you pour your heart out things about yourself which relate to what she is saying (things that frustrate you or make you sad) but she totally ignores what you're saying and keep on talking about herself. gosh. i've been there. and it really hurts. ya Allah ya Tuhanku, please keep me away from doing this kind of thing. i will try as much to be there for my friends. i hope i won't be as ignorant making others to feel sad because of me, without me realising that i am doing it.;(

people type 2:

a kind of a person who interferes your conversation with another person by talking as if he knows everything and that your facts are totally wrong. he bombards you with facts that he thinks is those which are most accurate, with high intonation and annoying pitch. it gives me headache. well okay. you're smart. i'm not. you can say whatever you want. being silent is my best retreat.

i've been destined to deal with these two kinds of people for the past few days. adeh. dear husband is the one and only whom i pour my heart out. terasa hati and sedih abang. he went sabarlah yang.

i myself is not perfect i know. but i wish people can be more sensitive. please think of others too. just because your life is so beautiful with things going in the way you want them to be, with you being blessed by gifts from Allah and you have more money to buy what you want, you tend to ignore other peoples feelings. talking big and being ignorant.

*sedih+terase hati*

pic by edde jae

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

a gift from Allah

aqil is turning two this june. time flies so fast. been exchanging meaningful glances with beloved husband which most of the time there would be tears in my eyes when looking at aqil's behaviours and acts. our meaningful glances are countless, but we are never tired of being presented with various acts from little aqil.

when he was smaller, i used to dream of having him kissing and hugging me with no reason, babbling and mumbling and talking like it's nobody's business. well, he talks a lot now that i at times do not know what to say back. he would go on and on.adeh. i never find this boring. i indeed find this as very meaningful moments which i'd treasure for the rest of my life. no wonder some mothers cannot let go of their children. some may treat their sons or daughters as if they have never grown up. i  would be one of those i suppose.;)

to summarize, alhamdulillah, as a note, who knows one day when aqil is all grown up, he would open up this blog and read all these little things about himself;) sayang ibu aqil, you now, at the age of 22 months is able to:

call everybody by their name except for me. but alhamdulillah you never failed to call me mom (taught by your father after he got stressed up with me crying to him at night telling him how it hurts that you cannot even pronounce the word ibu), at least that special name is only for me. you seem to pronounce the word mom smoothly. i wonder what's holding you back from saying ibu.but it's okay sayang. mom is good enough for me. for now;)

you eat a lot!and guess where you take that from? trying to give and cook you the most nutritious food i can.;)

you always have various acts which never fail to make us laugh our heart out. for example when you are happy (as we are going out cruising on yeyeah) you'll do your dance which i still cannot record yet sebab selalu each time nak record lupe camera letak mana video dlm iphone pulak ibu tak tau kenape takleh pakai tersalah download application ke aper hehe..and how everytime you wear your cloth diaper (you only wear this when you're at home with me kat rumah wan your pengasuh ibu tak bagi sebab kesian kat wan nanti wan mesti nak basuh sendiri) you will be crawling around like as if you are a baby making baby cooing sound for a few minutes adeh..this one is classis bebeh!;p i guess you just love to be cloth diped and it saves my money to yang!

now whenever you are getting into bed (unless you fell asleep while drinking milk on my lap) you would shout book mom book which means you would not want me to read you a bedtime story or whatsoever but you would point to the things and ask me to describe and elaborate on the thing that you are pointing too.adeh..i like the moment sayang. laughing together on the bed with me making silly jokes to you. i hope we can have this as our special moment together as you grow up ;)

you also love having other people coming to your house and you would get all excited when you have your mummy and mama and che ti (as they are the people who come to our house the most often). you just love company. just like ibu and ayah do.

i love faking my crying and sobbing sometimes because i love how you would come to me and say nape nape and you would kiss me and hug me and even pat me on the back!

*ya Allah..thank you Allah..thank you aqil happiness is complete by having you as a gift from Allah. i would not ask for more*.

pic from google

Sunday, April 3, 2011

i am back!!!


Hi! Bloggy blog of has been a while. My masters classes and assignments and project papers have taken their toll on me..taking away my time my sleep but giving more fats to me..hhehe..excuse sebab jadi gemuk tak habis2..

Well..for now..I am free from all the miseries..miseries which I love..the challenges, the tears, the sweats and the headache..I thank Allah for giving me these things..I shall not complain too much or at all as this is what I have chosen..however, as a human being, I sometimes fall and I thank Allah as these past few months have taught me how to be a better person, strengthening what’s inside me, teaching me to value people around me..thank you Allah..

Well I must warn you, this one is gonna be longggggggg…..i haven’t written for sooo loooonnggg..i have lots of things to tell..huhu..

Well, let’s start with the previous semester. It had been very challenging than the first one as I was travelling alone every weekend to and fro. And the subjects taken were quite challenging. The 2 ½ journey had been accompanied by sleepy eyes, lots of coffee, food anfd moreeeeeeee fooooooddddd! wonder I gained an extra kilo in the end. I thank everybody, my family and my best friends and my masters coursemates . but, there is this one person, whom I can never be able to repay for all his sacrifices and love, my one and only encik ridzuan, my one and only chenta.chewaaahhh..hehe..thank you so much for being my best friend, who understands me inside and out (which I don’t like cause you seem to know everything that is inside my head grrrr I cannot kelentong you a little bit pun tak bleh), thank you so much for making me feel that you and aqil will be just fine, ensuring me to go ahead and have my classes leaving you to do all the cooking and laundries..pushing me to complete my assignments and keeping up with the messed up house due my time constraints and piles of assignments. Abang, you are a dear. I love you so much. this one is for you. (imagine me singing the song which I used to sing to you…lalala..ku mencintaimu lebih dari..tralala..)..thank you sayang, really…;)

Well, now let’s talk about another thing. We are really thankful for this one. This is like the best gift ever for my ending of the second semester! (melampau tul adlina ni)..our very own small, homey, comfy house!!it was a really hard work to move out and later move in..lucky us we have got people close to our hearts to help us with things. Now I have to do major arrangements of things for the whole house..huhuhu..

I’m blessed to have chentaku with me. With his smart moves and plans, things went well. It all ended at 9 last night for the two of us putting away and taking in what’s left at the old house. And we had spent our first night in our own home in the living room.hehe..i decided to put our mattress in the middle of the boxes, in front of the TV. All three of us slept together and little aqil was the most excited one to have both of his mum/mak (not yet ibu don’t know when am still waiting for the historical moment) and ayah snuggling close to him.

When little aqil was fast asleep, we performed our isyak’ and hajat prayers together. Despite of our energy draining away and our weary eyes, we prayed for the best for all of us and also the new home. I have always love the ending of our berjemaah session..there is always this peace and happy feeling inside of me..and love love and more love..we lepak on our ‘bed’, shared a few laughs (a loud one and that woke aqil up. He sat up straight, merely opening his eyes, with his face expression mcm tak puas hati and baring and sambung his tidur. amboi marah nampak sayang hehe)..however the ting tong parents continued laughing as the show was very funny and we hit the pillow at 12 something.

I smiled while closing my eyes and trying too sleep. What a way to end a very tiring day. I babbled a few things to my husband and he was like ‘hmm hmm hmm’ and I talked and talked and I did not realize when I drifted to sleep.

Cannot wait to get home and be with my heroes and manage all the boxes..thank you Allah..thank you for giving me my two heroes and thank you for giving us all that we have now. We are thankful. Very thankful.

p.s. I always tell my darlings to have an essay which is linked as each paragraph is developed. Now what is the teachers herself writing??malu kalau ade anak murid baca blog hehe..

bloggy blog, I’ll come back later okay. Much love!