Monday, April 25, 2011

*loving what you do*

as a normal human being, (chewaah skema sgt introductionnye) we tend to easily be bored with what we do (our job). added with other burdens and paperwork, lagilah. that is why it hurts a bit when i once was thrown away with words 'ala cikgu senang je. balik tengahari. takde ape dah. cuti banyak.

the reality, we have a huge amount of tasks to complete and human beings to care for.we have to think of whether we are doing our best to help our students. are we doing the best in teaching them and do we deserve the amount that we are paid each month when looking at their falling grades etc?

to summarize, i am holding the posts of the head of the english panel, setiausaha SPM, guru biasiswa, ketua rumah sukan, guru kelas, teaching form four and spm classes.adeh. the given posts require me to be dealing with and doing a lot of paperwork. i am now a teacher and a kerani. with the paperwork, tagging along are modules for students, english programs, various karenah of the biasiswa students and etc. sgt challenging.

but, with all that, i never think of them as a big burden. i take and complete each one slowly at my own pace. the first few months were or course challenging and confusing at times, but now, i am beginning to love and savour every bit. i begin to learn that when you love what you do, you will enjoy and be satisfied, no matter how little your task is. even as little as preparing a pamplet for an event at school, or even putting a ribbon on a cenderahati. it feels good. alhamdulillah.

our niat mesti kerana Allah. quoted from my father. masuk kelas, niat kerana Allah. when you are completing a task, niat kerana Allah. you don't do things to make others to marvel you and diberi pujian melambung tinggi. you don't do things to get 'names'. do it with honesty. if there are mistakes, learn from it and move on. ;) insyaAllah, the saticfaction will be there and all the energy and time and even money being put into all the pile of work are worth it.

at this juncture, i am at the peak of preparing things for my darling who are going to seat for their SPM. in the middle of searching for additional information and materials to be compiled into modules. and completing oral evaluations, updating files etc. and my latest project is working on a kertas kerja to hold an English Week. we never had any English Week since the dauy i started teaching here. so, InsyaAllah, am planning to carry out one. a bit berdebar because this is the first time i'm carrying out a big programme like this wuwu.;) hopefully, with all the support and cooperation from other teachers, it will be a smooth sailing.

at times, i'll go ya Allah adlina boleh ke biar betul anak lagi itu lagi ini lagi biar betul dia ni hehe..i want to take the risk, i want to take the chance. if i fail to do so, i will learn from my mistakes insyaAllah. the hard work and the additional 'burden', we will be able to go through it, insyaAllah.

have faith in yourself, love what you do and most importantly niat kerana Allah.
you'll be just fine.

pic from google

Sunday, April 24, 2011

*a note on life*

someone asked, why do you like going back to the UK so much? why do you dream of being there more than once everyday in a week? what is it about the midlands?

i have a few reasons for that. it is true that i dream of to be there with God's willing together with my husband and aqil. i dream of being there, wanting aqil to experience what i have experienced when all of us followed ayah, furthering his studies in Newcastle. i miss those years. not meaning to be bragging, but our experience of being there had in some ways contributed to our way of thinking and what we are today as a human being. most important, a part of my heart must have stayed there as our youngest brother was buried there. one day, with God's will, we'll visit you Ibrahim.

reasons why i love to be there:

a) there is ASDA. the food are cheap. you can get like 8 yoghurts for 80 pence (like rm4) and it tastes so delicious where the plain yoghurts is put aside with the fruits. its like jem but the fruits are there seketul seketul. huhu sedap sedap. and there's my penguin chocolates which is my favourite since i was little when we stayed in Newcastle. and there's tons of fresh vegetables huhu. i went gaga when i first stepped into ASDA during our trip last november.

ayuni walking towards the entrance of ASDA. i was behind her all excited, and cold.

our trolley full of chocs and biscuits hehe. please ignore the fashion disaster with the white winter coat hua

finally. the milk she had been missing and dreaming of.

b) i love the winter breeze and there's this one smell which i can never be able to describe with words. the smell brings joyful tears to my eyes the moment we stepped out of the airport last november. i also love everything about the sceneries. and i love the houses. i love the with lacey curtain on the windows. i love the trees. i love the brick terraces dividing the green fields. i love everything.

the peaceful cold breezy sunny morning (there goes my adjectives placement)

i love the view

some house pictures we managed to take. lupe nak amik awal2. this was taken when we were on our way to the train station heading to paddington, london
 c) there's primark where clothes shoes and etc are cheap!hehe..i bought a few shirts for little aqil at the price of below 5 pounds. that's a good bargain. good enough for me!;)
ayuni and mak in front of one in plymouth. primark in london is way bigger. but we didnt take any photos there.

actually, stuffs and food and etc kat sane mmg sgt murah if kite mmg stay sane and dapat gaji dari sane especially. our visit back then was near christmas so kalau books tu mmg murah lah sebab for them to buy as gifts. i bought a few books for aqil and with just below rm 100 i could get lots of them (we were overweight at the airport because of the books adeh sgt fail sistem travelling huhu). kalau kasut clarks tu kat malaysia tersgt mahal and kadang2 design nye tak cantiik mane. but kat sane you can get a pair for only 12 pounds and there are various supercute designs!

well, i must say there are many more reasons. i mean  am thankful that we have everything here, living together, blessed by Allah with the rezeki and family and friends. but those people over there have attitudes yg sgt sukar org kite nak amik. i mean whenever that i go while we were there, to name a few, i have various reasons to not to love to be there.

reason 1:
they have buses with designed with a special platform for people with wheelchairs, parents with strollers and old people, making it easier for them to get one the bus. and in front of my very eys, the bus driver lowered his bus, and he himself got off from his seat, to open the platform. and the mat salleh sgt disiplin di mana the seats in the front is especially for golongan yang lebih memerlukan like the old people, pregnant women or women with babies etc. the bus jgk also has special space utk letak stroller sume. sgt user friendly.

reason 2:
most of them are very loving! i did encounter some especially the young ones yg agak discriminative towards us who are different from them. but as for others, i really feel comfortable with them. imagine when you're getting off the bus or a taxi they would say 'have a nice day love' or 'good day love'. and when you're paying for something at the counter they would go 'there you go darlin' or 'here you are love'. sgt bagus. their EQ is very high.
weell, all of the above may happened or may be as it is as plymouth itself is a nice place. but in London, the situation and the people there are a bit different. city people kan. everybody nak cepat sume. huhu. i prefer to be in other parts macam plymouth because it's very peaceful sume. huhu

haish..whatever it is, i'm thankful that i am living here, blessed by Allah with all my loved ones and friends. the intention of to go and study abroad has always been inside this little tiny heart of mine since all my sibling have studied, are studying and will be studying abroad. except for me. i'd like to have the experience, to widen my knowledge and ilmu and pengalaman hidup. and because of Allah.

like my ayah always say: Doa kaklong. ask from Allah. who knows you are destined to be there too in the future. if you're not, then it's okay. Allah knows whats best for you.

yes ayah. i thank Allah for all his givings. he knows whats best for me. that's why you and mak are here for us. love you.;)

Thursday, April 21, 2011


i'm not a perfect person myself. but lately i've been encountering people of various attitudes that make me tend to feel very frustrated, annoyed and sad. very sad. maybe i am being too sensitive. well, i am a very sensitive person according to dear husband. huhu.

so let us see whether it is just me or i am right in having the feeling that i have all this while.

people type 1:

a kind of a person who would call you or sms you (as both of you do not meet that often) to talk about herself. just herself. you give feedback and also at the same time you pour your heart out things about yourself which relate to what she is saying (things that frustrate you or make you sad) but she totally ignores what you're saying and keep on talking about herself. gosh. i've been there. and it really hurts. ya Allah ya Tuhanku, please keep me away from doing this kind of thing. i will try as much to be there for my friends. i hope i won't be as ignorant making others to feel sad because of me, without me realising that i am doing it.;(

people type 2:

a kind of a person who interferes your conversation with another person by talking as if he knows everything and that your facts are totally wrong. he bombards you with facts that he thinks is those which are most accurate, with high intonation and annoying pitch. it gives me headache. well okay. you're smart. i'm not. you can say whatever you want. being silent is my best retreat.

i've been destined to deal with these two kinds of people for the past few days. adeh. dear husband is the one and only whom i pour my heart out. terasa hati and sedih abang. he went sabarlah yang.

i myself is not perfect i know. but i wish people can be more sensitive. please think of others too. just because your life is so beautiful with things going in the way you want them to be, with you being blessed by gifts from Allah and you have more money to buy what you want, you tend to ignore other peoples feelings. talking big and being ignorant.

*sedih+terase hati*

pic by edde jae

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

a gift from Allah

aqil is turning two this june. time flies so fast. been exchanging meaningful glances with beloved husband which most of the time there would be tears in my eyes when looking at aqil's behaviours and acts. our meaningful glances are countless, but we are never tired of being presented with various acts from little aqil.

when he was smaller, i used to dream of having him kissing and hugging me with no reason, babbling and mumbling and talking like it's nobody's business. well, he talks a lot now that i at times do not know what to say back. he would go on and on.adeh. i never find this boring. i indeed find this as very meaningful moments which i'd treasure for the rest of my life. no wonder some mothers cannot let go of their children. some may treat their sons or daughters as if they have never grown up. i  would be one of those i suppose.;)

to summarize, alhamdulillah, as a note, who knows one day when aqil is all grown up, he would open up this blog and read all these little things about himself;) sayang ibu aqil, you now, at the age of 22 months is able to:

call everybody by their name except for me. but alhamdulillah you never failed to call me mom (taught by your father after he got stressed up with me crying to him at night telling him how it hurts that you cannot even pronounce the word ibu), at least that special name is only for me. you seem to pronounce the word mom smoothly. i wonder what's holding you back from saying ibu.but it's okay sayang. mom is good enough for me. for now;)

you eat a lot!and guess where you take that from? trying to give and cook you the most nutritious food i can.;)

you always have various acts which never fail to make us laugh our heart out. for example when you are happy (as we are going out cruising on yeyeah) you'll do your dance which i still cannot record yet sebab selalu each time nak record lupe camera letak mana video dlm iphone pulak ibu tak tau kenape takleh pakai tersalah download application ke aper hehe..and how everytime you wear your cloth diaper (you only wear this when you're at home with me kat rumah wan your pengasuh ibu tak bagi sebab kesian kat wan nanti wan mesti nak basuh sendiri) you will be crawling around like as if you are a baby making baby cooing sound for a few minutes adeh..this one is classis bebeh!;p i guess you just love to be cloth diped and it saves my money to yang!

now whenever you are getting into bed (unless you fell asleep while drinking milk on my lap) you would shout book mom book which means you would not want me to read you a bedtime story or whatsoever but you would point to the things and ask me to describe and elaborate on the thing that you are pointing too.adeh..i like the moment sayang. laughing together on the bed with me making silly jokes to you. i hope we can have this as our special moment together as you grow up ;)

you also love having other people coming to your house and you would get all excited when you have your mummy and mama and che ti (as they are the people who come to our house the most often). you just love company. just like ibu and ayah do.

i love faking my crying and sobbing sometimes because i love how you would come to me and say nape nape and you would kiss me and hug me and even pat me on the back!

*ya Allah..thank you Allah..thank you aqil happiness is complete by having you as a gift from Allah. i would not ask for more*.

pic from google

Sunday, April 3, 2011

i am back!!!


Hi! Bloggy blog of has been a while. My masters classes and assignments and project papers have taken their toll on me..taking away my time my sleep but giving more fats to me..hhehe..excuse sebab jadi gemuk tak habis2..

Well..for now..I am free from all the miseries..miseries which I love..the challenges, the tears, the sweats and the headache..I thank Allah for giving me these things..I shall not complain too much or at all as this is what I have chosen..however, as a human being, I sometimes fall and I thank Allah as these past few months have taught me how to be a better person, strengthening what’s inside me, teaching me to value people around me..thank you Allah..

Well I must warn you, this one is gonna be longggggggg…..i haven’t written for sooo loooonnggg..i have lots of things to tell..huhu..

Well, let’s start with the previous semester. It had been very challenging than the first one as I was travelling alone every weekend to and fro. And the subjects taken were quite challenging. The 2 ½ journey had been accompanied by sleepy eyes, lots of coffee, food anfd moreeeeeeee fooooooddddd! wonder I gained an extra kilo in the end. I thank everybody, my family and my best friends and my masters coursemates . but, there is this one person, whom I can never be able to repay for all his sacrifices and love, my one and only encik ridzuan, my one and only chenta.chewaaahhh..hehe..thank you so much for being my best friend, who understands me inside and out (which I don’t like cause you seem to know everything that is inside my head grrrr I cannot kelentong you a little bit pun tak bleh), thank you so much for making me feel that you and aqil will be just fine, ensuring me to go ahead and have my classes leaving you to do all the cooking and laundries..pushing me to complete my assignments and keeping up with the messed up house due my time constraints and piles of assignments. Abang, you are a dear. I love you so much. this one is for you. (imagine me singing the song which I used to sing to you…lalala..ku mencintaimu lebih dari..tralala..)..thank you sayang, really…;)

Well, now let’s talk about another thing. We are really thankful for this one. This is like the best gift ever for my ending of the second semester! (melampau tul adlina ni)..our very own small, homey, comfy house!!it was a really hard work to move out and later move in..lucky us we have got people close to our hearts to help us with things. Now I have to do major arrangements of things for the whole house..huhuhu..

I’m blessed to have chentaku with me. With his smart moves and plans, things went well. It all ended at 9 last night for the two of us putting away and taking in what’s left at the old house. And we had spent our first night in our own home in the living room.hehe..i decided to put our mattress in the middle of the boxes, in front of the TV. All three of us slept together and little aqil was the most excited one to have both of his mum/mak (not yet ibu don’t know when am still waiting for the historical moment) and ayah snuggling close to him.

When little aqil was fast asleep, we performed our isyak’ and hajat prayers together. Despite of our energy draining away and our weary eyes, we prayed for the best for all of us and also the new home. I have always love the ending of our berjemaah session..there is always this peace and happy feeling inside of me..and love love and more love..we lepak on our ‘bed’, shared a few laughs (a loud one and that woke aqil up. He sat up straight, merely opening his eyes, with his face expression mcm tak puas hati and baring and sambung his tidur. amboi marah nampak sayang hehe)..however the ting tong parents continued laughing as the show was very funny and we hit the pillow at 12 something.

I smiled while closing my eyes and trying too sleep. What a way to end a very tiring day. I babbled a few things to my husband and he was like ‘hmm hmm hmm’ and I talked and talked and I did not realize when I drifted to sleep.

Cannot wait to get home and be with my heroes and manage all the boxes..thank you Allah..thank you for giving me my two heroes and thank you for giving us all that we have now. We are thankful. Very thankful.

p.s. I always tell my darlings to have an essay which is linked as each paragraph is developed. Now what is the teachers herself writing??malu kalau ade anak murid baca blog hehe..

bloggy blog, I’ll come back later okay. Much love!