Wednesday, February 15, 2012


as a human being, one (especially me) cannot run from questioning about whatever that has been destined by Allah for us..

why can't i get pregnant without having to feel like this?everyday is about 'jelepekness'..mual luga terbalik..pening berpusing2..semput..everytime..24/7..i forced myself to do things around the house but failed most of the time..kept repeating the word sorry and thank you so much to beloved husband..*isk*

coming back to my senses (slapping both of my balooning cheeks) Allah has given the most precious gift ever, having the chance to give dear husband another bundle of joy and a younger sibling for darling aqil who is getting more independent as ever is something so priceless (despite the agonizing pain when giving birth wuwu)..all the things that i had to go through now remind me more of Allah and made me appreciate my husband more and hopefully he will too..*hugs*

why do i now have to be thinking or forced to hold my semesters due to my condition? a few close friends from ukm kept calling me asking me what subjects i'm taking this semester nak together2 lalala through the semester..huhu..sedih pikir kalau tak grad same2 and amik difficult subjects same2 so that boleh pening and work hard together..tapi rase mcm nak kuatkan semangat utk pegi juga sambung jgk my semesters..huhu..

coming back to my senses maybe it will be a good thing if i postpone but the whole year tu yg buat den raso borat sikit eh..huhu..but can i manage to drive or maybe go by bus and naik turun train before reaching kajang..huhu..pening2..and haven't make up my mind yet over this matter...

why does japan have to have really strict rules for pregnant mothers to board a plane form their airport????huhu..ayuni and my abengoh decided to go to japan for their honeymoon in may so we decided to tag along as dear husband was excitedly saying 'bile lagi yang jom pegi ramai2' siap suruh ajak mak ayah segala we decided yeah jom since its during school holidays and the ticket price was reasonable for the three of us..aqil's ayahchik tak sabar nak bawak aqil pegi disneyland sume so best!so the tickets were bought online and the TAC number had been keyed in and just about to click the CONFIRM button for the purchase of the tickets, my darling brother called from japan telling me in frustrations about the whole procedures for pregnant women when boarding a plane from japan..japan highly cares for people coming in and out of their country up to a level where pregnant women should have a check up and get confrimation from their hospitals saying that we are fine enough to board the plane..and that will cost an additional hospital fee of Allah knows how darling adik din asked 'kaklong if 5 months pregnant nampak tak because kalau tak nampak kite pregnant diorg takkan question' and i went 'kaklong kalau tak pregnant pun perut dah mcm berape bulan if 5 bulan pregnant dah nampak mcm nak beranak kot haha!'..and there goes our japan getaway..

coming back to my senses well i guess Allah wants us to use the money for other purposes especially for the new baby and insyaAllah we will get there some other day as adik din is going to be staying there for another few more years insyaAllah!maybe rezeki anak no.2 untuk sampai kesana together with us hehe..*sobsjugaksikit*

anyway, leaving the whys and now thinking of the word how. how am i supposed to hold on to my senses to be in the car for more than 20 minutes for our journey back to kb huhu..will be going back to see the specialist and to meet mak..adeh..may Allah help us through our journey back...amin..

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

my bittersweet 2012

salam, hello.

since i've not been able to write that frequent nowadays, so a lot has happened since my last entry.

december started of with assignments buzzing, flying to and fro every weekend for my  ukm classes, wedding favors and wedding matters which ended up with a beautiful wedding for my one and only baby sister. we did everything by ourselves and were proud of all of them. alhamdulillah. now we are blessed with a loving abe ngoh and my sister has never been so happy.

hello january and it is now february. *teary eyed* i am missing my mak so much who has gone away for umrah with her four best friends (hoping that i'll get to do the same with my own bestfriends one day) fact i am missing everybody at home and mak's cooking especially. will be starting the new semester end of this month. have paid the fees but have not yet registered the subjects and at this moment, am not even sure whether i can proceed my semester anymore.

alhamdulillah, these two months have given us joy. we are welcoming a new member into our small family. hello my 8 weeks baby. ibu loves you so much already. but there's also another element inside my tummy that is growing along with the baby. Allah, please guide us and let me be strong enough to go through this one. i will be strong if its only that 'thing', but with the little one needing space and lot's of love and support from me, i guess stronger is the word, not giving up and being all wobbly and sad all the time.

i guess Allah has prepared quite an experience for me this time. wanting me to analyse what i have done and not done along the way. but dear Allah, there is just one thing, please keep my little one safe from any harm. and keep me safe and as healthy as i might be to be with my husband, darling aqil and the little one. (ibu is secretly hoping for a girl, but a boy would be just as much wonderful). abang aqil is also hoping for a sister. his new habit is kissing my tummy and talking to the baby.

well, i guess Allah Maha Mengetahui, and hopefully i'll be able to go through all these. and thank you to my one and only husband who had been helping with all the house matters and taking care of aqil, and also the 24/7 sickness of a pregnant wife. hanya Allah yang dapat balas jasa abang. *iloveyousomuch*