my one and only

salam..wah it's been a while since i've written anything about you muhammad aqil..well you are so big now and tetibe ibu teringat aqil belum pegi inject utk yg umur setahun setengah lagi wuwu..kite tunggu ayah lah sayang huhu..ibu takut...


anyway..just for you to reflect back once you're old enough and can browse through this blog on you own..by the age of 18 month my darling hero now...;

• calls everybody (as supposed) ayah, atuk, nenek, toknye, mama but ibu..still baby..adeh sero hati sikit..haha
• loves to dance and sing
• loves to watch cartoons on the tv
• loves cows, cats and fishes so much
• can utter a few meaningful words:
• nak air
• nak milk
• beyak/poop
• sedap
• das / pedas which means panas actually huhu
• yea yea
• jump (and he'll jump tapi terangkat sebab badan gemuk mcm ibu haha)
• whenever he hears the azan, he'll say Aba Aba and in a minute he's already doin his rukuk+sujud hehe..alhamdulillah..
• whenever he comes across me dok berdoa after solat he'll come sit on my lap and tadah his hands..masyaAllah..
• before he eats he'll tadah his hands and mumble words and amin within seconds hehe..comel..
• loves to play ball outside
• loves to go jalan2
• he is so caring towards other babies tapi sgt tak boleh org amik his things!adeh runsing..ibu tak ajar macam tu sayang huhu..
• he loves to eat! mcm sape entah..
• he is so manja!adeh..
• he loves books so much that my luggage was actually overloaded and overweight because of his books!huhu..err..and ibu's books too actually hehe..
• loves to kiss me on the face..sekarang dah makin okay teknik kissing hehe..he used to just touch his cheeks on our cheeks as a sign of a kiss..but now he even muncungkan mulut and ade bunyi smooch haha!
• loves to hug people too..

huhu..there are always new things about you which i always find very facsinating everyday..i love you so much more and i cannot imagine my life without you..you are my shining armour and you are my motivational push!hehe..my first semester's results are dedicated just for you..love you sayang..

going back to the place that i've always love

well..err actually..going back to a place which is much the same of where i had lived a few years back..stepping out of the plane, i could already feel the cold winter and the smell..the smell brought tears to my eyes..it has always been a dream..to come back and to smell this smell again..alhamdulillah..thank you Allah for this opportunity..it is my dream (another dream) to go back to england once again..maybe during summer..and visit cornwall (st ives) which is only an hour drive from plymouth but we couldn't make it when we were there because we were too occupied with things in plymouth huhu..and in london i'd like to go to notting hill's portobello road which we also couldn't make it because mak was already tired from walking to too many places and riding in too many tubes which were like a roller coaster ride for her everytime hehe..and i'd like to go to columbia road market which opens only on Sundays..i just love these kinds of places..and i'd like to go back to newcastle to visit ibrahim's grave, my canning street primary school, my old home, the town, the carboot sales that we used to go..huhu..and i wanna visit the lake district, portsmouth and leeds. owh and i want to go visit this one person, whom i've not met since we were in our secondary school and we were not that close actually. but amzingly, she is now influencing me a lot in her way of seeing things and her views on life and also on being a mother. i'd like to go visit you iva. there's so much that i'd like to share with you personally. and meet khairaldin and the soon to be born baby.

haih there are so many things that i'd like to do. and i hope Allah will grant my wish one day. like he granted my previous wish of going back to england which i did. and up till today, the one thing that i'd remember the most is..the smell. which never fails to bring tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips. everytime.

                                                        *the gemukss girl*

to love and to not love

people have different definitions of love. most people consider love to be something majestic, out of this world, full of blooming emotions making them fly on cloud nine. but what happens when the love that you have fades away?

how did it fade away in the first place?how did it happen? people will have answers for that for sure. it will go back to things pertaining to either him or her. well, you tried hard  and work hard to sustain the love that you have but things keep falling apart and although you'd strive everytime to pick up the pieces and move on you'll continuously bump yourself and fall. and you'll get hurt. everytime. with nobody else buy you own self to heal your wound.

it hurts badly when you seem to have a bad luck in love. you thought you were one of the lucky ones to have a man who seems to love you with all his heart. you thought he was the one and that you'd not want to hold someone else's hands and be in another man's arms rather than his on the day you got married. he made you feel as if you're a princess just waiting to be crowned the queen of his life.

and after a while he treats as if you don't have feelings. that it's okay to not smile at you with love in his eyes when you look at each other or when you look at him and he looks back at you. all there is~a blank look and a tight up face looking away seconds after your eyes meet. not holding your hands as tight as he did during the early days. not interested enough to listen to your stories coming from the heart, not giving feedbacks to what you're saying as if you're talking to a wall and the worst is when he seems to listen but immediatelly when you finish talking and hopes to hear sootthing words from him, he'll start talking about other subjects ignoring totally what you were saying before. is love still there when your man starts to not telling you how good your cooking is unless you ask him whether the food taste good or not, and he answers with a bored saying 'sedap' with a bored face not even looking at you and let alone thanking you for the food you cooked. does he still love you when you call him several times on the phone but he never bothered to returm your calls as he thought nothing about you was important? never mind the text messages. it does hurt when you're pouring your heart out through the text messages but you'd not get any reply at all or after a few hours of waiting.

am actually writing this when thinking how in the world would love changes from 'my love is more than the stars in the sky' to 'i don't care if i don't have your love at all'. didn't we speak love language beautifully earlier? didn't we promise we'd be there for each other? didn't you say you'd be with me all throught thick and thin? didn't you say it doesn't matter as long as i'm with you and things will be alright?

well, a woman or a wife does have her own faults and flaws. but, as a husband, you should be guiding her, not having a grugde for the wrong she did and decides a payback time to hurt her. you should not be making decisions for your own sake not thinking of her at all, just because she's all yours now and it's her duty to follow you. you don't need to be all mushy and romantic cause there's better things to do in life.

at least have some respect for her. think of how much pain she felt when pushing for your baby out in the labour room not forgetting the stiches she had to endure. think of how she works hard to prepare you meals cooked with love just for you. think of how she cries softly at night because of the hurt you caused and you did not even bother to hug her and tell her that you're sorry because of your ego and how her parents would think when they know that their beloved daughter is crying because of you. think of how she smiles with tears in her eyes when seeing her friends living life with husbands who loves them so much feeling happy and contented not having to go through her situations. think of how she never asks for gifts of expensive jewelleries or etc on her birthday or your anniversary as all she needs is you. only you.

well, this piece of writing may be a bit biased cause it only refers to the man's side of fault. that's because i am writing this with a point of view of a woman whose husband is not treating her well when she has not done anything wrong at all axcept for being just herself, and if she has changed a bit negatively, it is only because of the treatment which she receives from the husband. well, a woman has feelings. and a man should bare in mind that things which seem as a small matter could mean something that is huge that hurts badly for us women as we are more sensitive and deep thinkers. so please, have some time to do some reflection and love and appreciate us more.

personally for me, i do not need expensive materials to be handed out to me as gifts and i do not need more money. i just need the love and support and understanding and etc. and if added with gifts would be a bonus i won't bluff. but the main thing is love. as love, tops it all. for those who manage to retain their love till the end, Alhamdulillah. for those who are a bit unlucky, will just have to work extra hard then. after all, it's what's Allah has destined for us.


*this is just my own piece of thoughts and the facts above are not connected with anyone at all (err or maybe the happy and contented sides of people do connect with my happily married and to be married girlfriends wuwu)*

*haih..am constantly smelling the winter breeze outside and the atmosphere inside the house with the warmth of the heater as i go on writing this entry. i guess i miss plymouth badly*

*being me*

i used to dream of becoming an educator since little..err i mean..it was one of the dream..whenever we were supposed to fiil in the green or blue (can't remember) cards in the primary school where you're asked to fill in what your ambitions and hobbies and etc were..i'd have three (which for me at that age sounded soo cool) ambitions to fill in the three columns provided.

**doktor**peguam**pensyarah**

haha..little that i know i was not even any of them hihi..but closest to the latter one *pensyarah* i am..a teacher..and english teacher..and i love my job so much nowadays..

some people may choose the profession as they have no other choices and that being a teacher means having a definite job in the field of teaching..little do they know what's waiting for them in schools..those who can survive and who are able to 'carve' and leave something in a school that they are teaching should be given a thumb up (which i am wondering when i am able to do that huhu)..those who venture in other things not bringing up their roles as educators..hmm..i would not want to go into those things..nauzubillah..

my beloved father and mother never failed to remind me and my siblings..everything that we do..'niat kerana Allah'..especially now when i am doing four heavy duty jobs hehe..'niat kerana Allah kaklong..'insyaAllah ayah..

being a teacher has taught and is teaching and i'm sure will be teaching me a lot of things in life..almost everyday (especially the journey to and fro my work 'places') i'd have some time to do some reflections and thinking..well adlina are you that busy??i must say yes i truly am..so much..hi..having two different level of students and being a student myself made me to be loving my job more and more and making me to love my students and appreciate them as who they are more!..everything is more..huhu..(otak kita dah bercabang seribu ibu~beepop 2010)..he..

except for my time with beloved suami and aqil..we have less time and aqil seems to..isk isk..owh never mind i love you so much baby no matter what..but..every single free time that i have..is dedicated just for these two guys..

things that will bring us good fortunes can't be easy..there must be some uphill battle or we might lose it all..(tetibe rse macam lagu pulak waduh)..and things won't be difficult all the time..we will be able to go through the ups and downs with guidance from the Almighty and the love given by our belovedssss..you will not always have things to go in your way and you cannot expect things that will make your life easier will not require you to do  sacrification..the word 'sacrifice' is my best friend now..i'll be holding on insyaAllah..

it is very true that things do not happen without a reason..like if it wasn't for us following my father furthering his studies in the UK..i will not have the skills of english like i have now (am not saying that i'm brilliant in the second language) but before going to the UK my score for english was really bad..below par hehe..but alhamdulillah we had the chance to use the language in context and i'm thankful for that..if it wasn't for that..i do not know what i will be doing now..every cent that i am getting is now based on the skills of the english language.i'm only good at that and Alhamdulillah..Allah has helped me to sustain what i have in order to give and add the knowledge of my beloved school children in their schooling and studying years..amin..

being a teacher is a blissful role..

there may be hardships and tribulations..

but i am sure..in the end..

it is something that can bring a smile..

to our faces..

the sweats and tears will insyaAllah..

be the ups and downs towards our success..

dunia dan akhirat..

amin..

*and actually, being a mother is the best unpaid job ever!(mesti nak masuk jugak about aqil hi...)*
*ibu loves aqil so much*

my love+life

*i have loved you since the day you were born*

*and you just can't imagine how much i love you right at this juncture*

*i thank Allah for sending you both into my life*

*Alhamdulillah*

*we'll be holding your hands until the day that you can really 'walk' on your own*

*but we hope you'll always look back and remember that we are always here for you*

*muhammad aqil~we love you~ 

muhammad aqil bin muhamad ridzuan

it is always amazing and got me all teary eyed when seeing how my baby grows.
 from being such a cuddly infant to a walking non stop toddler.                          
*sigh* time flies fast and like some mothers, i wish he wouldn't be growing that fast. now i am actually starting to miss the times when his most comfortable place was in my arms..looking at me with his innocent eyes..

a few days old..

now he is an active toddler who makes me sweat myself burning calories (but no additional fat is burn actually) trying to keep up with him. i enjoy that so much that every evening we would have a walk outside the house..and he'd hold and my hand and mumble words as if he was trying to have a conversation with me.hee..i 'm having less time with him due to work so i try to use the time that i have with him as wisely as possible. so what i am and will be doing are:

*he is no longer sleeping on his bed at the moment. he'll be sleeping with us on our bed (thank you en Suami for being so understanding!) with me hugging him..early in the morning he would always wake up for his milky time.he'll go 'bu bu bu' kisses me all over on the face hug me and 'lentok' his head on my body and sleeps~this..ibu would treasure for the rest of my life aqil~*

*my workload requires my time with aqil to be a bit limited (`aqil, do remember that i am doing this for you)..so..each moment that i have will be used by having 'us time'..and for a start, we'll be bringing aqil to the jerantut hill's pool today insyaAllah..because pool is one of his favourite things..love you..*

*am having more reading time with him and stay by his side more during his video time..he is in love with the azan from the i can't remember tv9 or ntv7 by a boy with such a glowing face..and he loves the alif ba ta song..aqil..may Allah helps me to train you to be a good umat islam..amin..*

*he loves to eat!(i wonder where he gets that from) so i am trying my best to make weekends to be my 'homecooking' session..preparing nutritious meals for mr darling aqil and en Suami yang amat kucintai hihi...*

my aqil is also starting to show us his list of favourite things..which are;
*the beach and the pool (due to the recent visit to cherating~a treat from aqil's mama~*
*books*
*videos of azan and tasbih*
*videos of nursery ryhmes and upin ipin*
*he is always fascinated when seeing us perform our prayers and reciting the al-quran alhamdulillah*
*he would smile to his ears when seeing us my husband and i getting cuddly hehe*

well..it's gonna be a tough journey for this coming 2 to 3 years..i'm gonna be needing all the love and support from my belovedsss..
*can i be thankful again for having one of my BFFs with me along the way?* winkwink

i'm in love with you every second..

~this is it~

image by 'google'

it's always impressing and fascinating to see how one can achieve out of the ordinary without having to give their all..

it's always heartwarming and bringing tears to my eyes witnessing those who do achieve outstanding things in their lives but having to sacrifice a lot of things...

i guess i am the latter one..minus the ^outstanding^..hihi..

*Aku berniat kerana Mu ya Allah*

Bimbingkan lah kami dalam mencapai apa yang kami impikan..

image by google

*this one goes to my BFF ~ tuan habibah tuan ali*

p:s~ let us reach for what we are able to go for. the stars are as a start. *i love you*

image by google

*and my happiness involves the happiness of the people that i love*

*dearest en Suami and aqil sayang~i love you so much that it really hurts to have to do this*

~but please, don't forget that i truly love both of you, so much~

image by google

*huhu*

am starting on a very challenging journey..
it's gonna be tiring..
physically..and emotionally..
my time with darling aqil will be less(this actually hurts a lot)
my time with en suami yang amat ku cintai will be..i don't know..maybe our snuggling time will be about me mumbling how tired and stressed out i am rather than just embracing the supposed to be quiet moment that we have for each other..and he'll go "sabar..hmm..hmm..itu yang sayang pilih..hmm.."and am still wondering how that actually made me feel better although deep inside i want him to talk back as much as i am!hihi..

can i be able to perform all the roles that i am supposed to be playing..
a wifey..
a mother..
an educator..for 2 very different roles and situations
a student..

that is actually being summed up as a fivesome hehe..
created by papee, bipop and I when we were joking around in the car..

and yes..these two of my BFFs (do note that i have my other BFFs it's just that they were not with us during this time!hihi) play great roles as my motivators..

in fact the tiring journey back and forth yesterday did not really bother me as we were laughing with jokes blurted out esp by papee sayang..
she never failed to make me laugh  my heart out..

apart of all the things above which until now is making me wonder can i be able to do these..i'm thankful that i have all the people that i love supporting me..believing in me (although i myself am not sure that i am believing in myself!) huhu..

well..i guess..i have Allah as always to turn to..

Ya Allah..kuatkan lah dan tabahkan lah hati hamba mu ini..
Aku melakukan segalanya dengan izin Mu..
Amin..

*can't wait for tomorrow's getaway~cause i really need that~wiiii!*

aqil at the age of nearly 13 months

aqil now:

walks lala around the house..no more crawling (sometimes only)..he is so confident in walking..(kadang ibu yang menjerit sebab takut jatuh hehe)..and he loves it when we hold his hands and walk together with him..

can get on and get off our bed all by himself..with very skillful moves..hehe..go aqil!

loves to eat chicken soup masak lemak sayur and laksam (hopefully these food are okay for my baby)..

he is getting very manja..and kuat nangis (which really buat ibu sayu)..is this just some parts and parcels of him growing up..?huhu..

he is so friendly towards other babies or toddlers..those whom we meet at clinics or restaurants or anywhere actually!!..hihi..kadang2 orang yang takut sama aqil..he..good boy..

when we bentang sejadah for our prayers he'll come near us and do rukuk yang digabung dengan sujud (imagine how) and say 'abba abba..(his way of saying Allahuakbar i suppose)..besar2 nanti jangan tinggal solat ye sayang..

we can feel how he loves us more and more and how he needs us badly..each day..and aqil..we love you more than you can imagine sayang..

okay kenapakah gambar gedik ini has to be here?

oh ya..untuk menunjukkan ibu walaupun sedang working..tapi ibu am thinking about aqil..

thinking how i love you so much..

and i love aqil's ayah so much too.

i love you both..

*holidays*

salam..gosh...it's been a while isn't it bloggy bloggy..it's time for school holidays..which i really love because i get to spend my time with my beloved little aqil (who is now a toddler and can do lots of cool and funny stuff!hihi)..i used to be amazed at my little cousins and my niece and nephew going gaga when seeing they do acts and things..and now i'm enjoying myself with my own child!!how cool is that hihi..

so..just to sum up what i've been doing for the past days..owh i'm gonna miss all this soonnnn!

a small birthday bash for aqil
he reached his toddlerhood on the first of june..owh just remembering the birth of him makes me wanna cry..alhamdulillah..so invited a few close friends and family members..and made my homemade moisty chocolaty cake for aqil's very first birthday!!

aqil sayang is helping ibu

aqil's birthday cake *comot tapi best*muahaha puji diri

wiii!!

*tadaa*

burn baby burn!

*love you*

cloth diapering
i have alsobeen busy in doing some research on cloth diaper..been contacting moms who sell and are so into cloth diaping their babies..and i'd like to thank iva (thank you so much dik) and huda for being my mentors (directly or indirectly from their blogs and all)..i have learned so much within the past days and have actually added up the collection which would insyaAllah arrive by today wii!!!!and mak actually gave cloth diapers for aqil's birthday!hehe..cool nenek..so i have learned a few things which are:
*before using you have to actually wash the CDs a few times and especially the inserts(they should be washed with hot water 2 to3 times to increase the absorbancy) - thank you iva!
*aqil is quite a heavywetter especially at night so i bought loopy doo inserts to wear during night time or when travelling
*on normal days i will change aqil's CD every four hours (have been asking around and that is the general duration for wearing the CDs..the first few times of using i'd experienced leaking (aqil actually) we're actually improving and i am totally enjoying myself!
*having to wash the CDs is no fuss for me because i feel sooo satisfied with myself contributing to a better environment and the best for my aqil!!
and after receiving aqil's diapers from fazilah (zizitots) i learnt so much more!she gave me a mini handbook on cloth diapers!thank you Zie!According to Zie:
*CDs sould not smell like anything.
*Do not use chlorine bleach or fabric softerners or even pure soap!
*Do strip washing once a while for the CDs.

*the finally cloth diaped baby*

reading and more reading
yes.i try as much to make time for reading as it is crucial for me to upgrade my reading skills as i'm gonna be needing them soon for the next 2 to 3 years huhu..read some parental magazines and a few books which i found quite interesting..
*thanks to aqil's napping time..so i get to read and do this-blogging*

read, read and read!

watching TV
owh how can i not do this as it's one of my hobby!especially when it comes to watching my GLEE!hihi..and now i'm actually overwhelmed with a new series called PARENTHOOD..gosh..the drama is so heartwarming..and am enjoying myself watching HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER and all the other comedy series which could at times lighten up my days! (besides aqil of course but he'd been having a fever for the last two days but now he's fine and dandy so i have my sunshine all to myself again!

cooking
yes..as mak and ayuni are away since saturday and today is already thursday (which means they'll be back home by tomorrow!)...so i had to do the cooking for ayah, moktok and adik and of course my aqil. not so much of ambitiously cooked dishes..only the simple ones (with aqil coming to me everytime he hears a clank in the kitchen although i am near the stove where he could not actually see me..

yummy yum

eating
hehe..how can i be so "thin" if not for this habit of mine hehe..ayuni bought a few stuffs for the goodie bags for aqil's bday..we came upon a few coklat which i used to love when i was a kid..

coklat bola and coklat sekuk

spending time with my family especially again..my aqil..
i'm so thankful to Allah for giving me my family and aqil as a part of me..aqil is not only a child of mine..whom i carry for app 9 month and which took me for almost an hour to push him out..alhamdulillah..but he is like a bestfriend to me..another half of me..at times i could feel that he really connects to me..at times when i cry he'll come and hug me and gave a peck on my face..when i cover my teary eyed face he'll pull my fingers and say 'cak'..huhu..i love you sayang..and have actually been training him on a few skills and Alhamdulillah he now can salam or amin with us..more skills to go!

walking side by side..

this holiday have actually been tangled up with lots of emotions..i actually received painful news and encountered several things in my life which made me cried over and over (by myself not in front of aqil especially no)..but as BREE from the DHs said..kind of in my own words lah because i could not really remember her exact words.'think of an empty box. put in whatever emotions or feelings that you have inside the box. close the box.and find a large empty wardrobe. put the box inside the wardrobe.and close it. and whenever you feel like going back to the matters of emotions, go and open the box back. all by yoursefl. handle it like a lady'.that's it.and like mak said..'kaklong, don't be too sad. yang kita boleh buat hanya berdoa pada Allah..and tawakal pada Allah.it's gonna be alright. insyaAllah"..

so i guess that is life. things won't always go in our way. life itself consists of happiness, sadness, bitterness, sacrifices, and some times those who are lucky enough will get what they want and live a life that is so beautiful that you might want to be in their shoes. but for me, i'll live my life.up till the day i die. chewwah tetibe jiwang. hehe..well..all in all..i have another knight of shining armour..who shines more and more each day..*little aqil*

guess good things must come to an end.holiday is fun. but i also miss school, my workload, my students and my friends. and when i'm finally back to work, i'll start to miss my family back home. i guess emotions and self wants will never end then..hehe..

happy working everyone..

am head over heels for this guy!

i'm head over heels for this guy. am having the greatest crush ever on *you*

*sorry Encik suami. i love you.*

aqil's sweet tiny suprise

1st of June
the date has been added into our momento of life to celebrate (thank you to Allah) the born of our little kid

~muhammad aqil~

my bubbly aqil

Mr. H and i actually planned to do a little gathering with our little family in jerantut

(my sisters+bffs~bib,hani,papee) and abah's family. but little aqil had a bad fever (Mr. H took a day off this time) and Alhamdulillah he is getting better since yesterday's evening. hopefully he is doing just fine at the nursery.

i did not sleep at all the night before yesterday (kept taking aqil's temperature and menjelung his body) so after coming back home from school and do a little bit of the house chores my husband forced me to sleep. and i did. and i was awakened by a beautiful+dropdead gorgeous fairy godmother of little aqil. taadaaaaaaa!

the fairy godmother came with a giant birthday card (the cutest!!!) and two pieces of creamy yummy bluberry cheese cake..yummy yummy yum!!err no picture of the cake..already being gobbled down by ...hihi..

we had a fun and great time..huhu..and when Mr. H went for his game and aqil took a short evening nap aqil's ibu and the fairy godmother chatted and chatted until we kind of went into more serious topics which revealed things (*winkwink*) of both of us and then we knew we need to stop before the nearest neighbour could hear us talking (which involved loud high pitch voices+laughters+squeaking haha..)

~happy ending~

to note: a few of the things that have kept me grounded+contented+happy while living far from my hometown (despite of no malls+cinemas+parks) are these lovable people around me.

am thankful for that. amin. 

aqil is one year old!

aqil at the age of one year old.

*he can walk.finally!(although he'll go wobbly here and there to the right and to the left haha)
*when i teased him by being mad at something he did he'll make a sad face
*when he is playing with his toys with me by his side, whenever i turn somewhere else like to the TV while imitating his utterances he'll notice that i wasn't looking at him and he'll pull and tug my shirt wanting me to concentrate only on him
*more syllables day by day!which i adore so much huhu.
*this morning (before going to work and he's slightly cheerful but very 'tired looking' because of the fever (owh gosh i hope you are doing okay at home with ayah now)..i said (like i always say everyday) 'who is muhammad aqil please raise up your hand' he held both of his hands up!and i was speechless and gave him some kisses on his face!!excited!
*another tooth is coming up
*adores his atuk so much
*whenever he sees me or my husband preparing to perform our solat he'll go 'Aabbaaahh'..just like everytime we say Allahuakbar to show him that we are gonna do our prayers he'll go 'Aabbaaahh'..Alhamdulillah..can't wait to teach you on how to recite the Al-quran and perform your solat and puasa..amin..and when my husband puts a 'kopiah' on his head he'll act and move his body as if sedang bertasbih macam tu hihi..we adore this act so much!!
*loves to play peekaboo.whenever he gets hold of a cloth he'll start 'peekabooing'..
*one thing that does not change much - he loves being hugged and kissed..and tickled..he'll laugh his heart out..

i guess this is just the cycle of life..no one gets the chance of going back to any stage of life (except in movies)..as a mother i could only watch my son grows and achieves things major or minor (only major for me!all of them!)..and i am happy..happy..(only a little tiny bit of..sadness..)i just missed him being a baby who only loves to be cradled in my arms..not knowing to do anything just yet..those were the days and i wished i would treasure those moments more!

the playful him

to note: there is no more of the ribena drink inside..am still practicing less or no sugar at all for my aqil

*happy birthday aqil*


~ibu and ayah love you so much~

blogging matters

i read an article from a beloved junior back when we were in zainab..i love reading her blog as i could learn so much on motherhood and gained knowledge from her perspectives of life..(thank you iva)..and her latest entry was on blogging matters..and the entry triggered some thoughts and i began to re evaluate the reasons why i first decided to go blogging..actively..

i first created the blog back in 2008..and then i stopped blogging as i do not really have the urge to write and there seemed to be no reason why i should be writing entries..that was back then..

and then i had aqil..i started to feel like i've to write the experience that i had and am going through day by day with my baby..the experiences written were and will be based on true events on what motherhood is..i wrote each entry with the thought of wanting others to at least learn something and gain a little knowledge..and for other entries which relate to my life are for the sake of enhancing my writing skills(you know how it is teaching in a rural school where i do not have much opportunities to enhance my skills) and for family and friends who are living far to get updates about my life..and i know they really appreciate each entry..(facebook for me can sometimes be to revealing so now i've decided to go low profile huhu)..

i wrote each of the entry with no thoughts of bragging or showing off what i have in life at all..i wrote it with a sincere heart..for the sake of capturing events in my life which i want to treasure for the rest of my life and i can always go back and read it up anytime (where and when there is internet connection)..yes we can of course treasure moments in scrapbooks or diaries but yes those are more personal..i would not want to show it off to people just like that..so blogging is like the most appropriate medium..

as quoted from iva - people should be reading one's blog with a positive mind- i totally agree..look at things in a positive way..why should you be implementing negativity in your minds while reading one's blog..you do not have the idea of what was in the writer's mind while he or she is writing (unless the person is clearly seen as being a bragger all the way-and i'm sure there are only a few of this type)..

i tend to receive a bunch of thanks from family and friends who appreciate my entries because they get to learn some things and gain a few thoughts here and there and get to know what was happening inside my life because they have not met me for quite some times.

so..if i tend to be posting entries that lead to people to be thinking that i am such a show off, i'd like to apologize but sincerely..those entries are written with modesty and with a thought of 'that's just some parts and parcels of my life-enjoy reading and hopefully you gained something or learned something from a simple me'.

i really have nothing much to be showing off actually. i am not that wealthy or living a life fabulously in some urban or posh neighborhood having fantastic jobs or etc.i am a simple me and i love being me (except for the fact that i'm FAT) and i love my family and friends so much and sometimes the entries are just rightfully dedicated to them.

one of the best weekend!!

fuh..enjoyed ourselves so much when in kl..lots of laughters and smiles with each other..mak and ayah especially huhu..can't wait to be at home for this coming 2 weeks school holiday!

aqil just ca't get enough of his atuk..sampai taknak dengan ibu ayah nenek mama sume2..hmm..sudah pandai ya muhammad aqil..(terasa sedikit huhu)..

anyway..reached home at about 5 and we got so excited of putting up aqil's corner that we kind of threw all of the things (including our bags and etc) on the floor and start pushing and moving furnitures here and there and pasang all the things from IKEA and taaadaaaaa!!we were done within an hour hehe..and the rest (mopping..sapu and lap sini sana) are left for me huhu..but anyway..thank you dearest husband for understanding my IKEA passion woohooo...!

WEEKEND = great company of beautiful people+good food+fabulous items(not clothes because i don't fancy my size nowadays haha)+laughters and even tears(happy tears for ayuni's convo).

*ayuni : am not gonna reveal the corner..wait till you come here on friday okay...let it be a suprise!!hehe..love you*

IKEA vs GRADUATION DAY+family time=contentment+ultimate glee

one of the main reasons (actually there's 3) us coming to kl was to get things to set up a special corner for muhammad aqil (and for ibu sikit hihi)..and this morning we went to IKEA and the mission was accomplished (although i didn't get to buy the medium sized Billy bookcase because it was out of stock so we went for a back up book rack huhu)..we managed to buy a few things and we cannot wait to set things up back home wiiiii!!!!!

okay so..truth be told..IKEA made me to be forgetting that the main event here is ayuni's CONVO!!that was the main reason why mak and ayah flew over here and even took a day off on Sunday (plus Monday for dear ayah-Gosh we miss you guys so much *especially aqil towards his atuk*)..and yes..i even forgot that i need to buy her a bouquet of flowers!!Gosh..how bad am I as a sister huhu..so this evening went for flower hunting with dearest su(the best auntie in the world!) around bangi (but found none) and later end up in a nice shop just near su's place in kajang..and i spent quite a while in deciding which flower to choose and decided myself on what thype and pattern of bouquet i wanted huhu..and what made me proud was that the aunty kept telling me 'wah..never people asked me to do this pattern for graduation bouquet..this is so special..i like it i love it my self..' huhu..i picked the colour for the papers and the flower arrangements and the ribbon..the auntie loved it so much that she gave me extra roses (she added 7 more for free!!) and gave a layer of gorgeous net cloth as the final touch for free!!..yes..a second 'free'!haha..thank you so much auntie..and here is the product tadaaaa!!!!

 

the lower part..

the gorgoeous layers of ruffled white fabric+paper

wanted the white 'snow flaked' like flowers to go around the roses but there were none of those

 

the whole bouquet..and yes..AYUNI loved and is loving it soo MUCHO MUCHO~

ahh..and tonight we celebrated fairuz's birthday with a lovely cake...

 

the pretty birthday girl

snapshot one before the cutting of cake with darling aqil

snapshot 2 with the happy babies
(okay enough with the mouth adlina)

*thank you Allah for giving us the time to be spent together..really wish aizuddin and aiman were here with us..love you guys muah!*

a reading and playing corner for my aqil

i am setting up a special corner for my special aqil as a gift for him for his first birthday..he's becoming a toddler!!wah..time flies so fast huhu..he loves to read books and play with his toys so i'm gonna work things out with darling husband to suprise our aqil!!aqil akan terexcited sambil menari2 and tergelak2 hihi..am soo excited..huhu..praying that this dream of mine will come true..huhu...

*am excited to be going to kl for ayuni's convo and a get together with the family..
especially mak and ayah!!wiiii*

baby stuff

A bestie of mind asked me a few things on preparing for her newborn..so i might as well post it here so that she can refer to the very long list anytime..so here goes ‘gegurl’..




Baby clothes

My husband and I were very excited in buying clothes for aqil..we felt like buying everything that our baby should be needing..lots and lots of comfortable clothes..huhu..but a few of our close family members reminded us not to be too ambitious huhu..so actually..we only need to buy a few newborn suits..maybe 4 to 6 sets..buy more 3 to 6 month old baby clothes..and do keep in mind that the baby will be receiving more clothes when he or she is born..as presents from family and friends..aqil got more that 10 sets of clothes during his kenduri cukur jambul and aqiqah..and not to forget the mittens and botties..as for me..i bought quite a lot of them and had gotten quite a few too..

So; to summarize-

Newborn clothes : 4 to 6 sets

3-6 months : 3 to 5 sets

‘Barut perut’, lampin, towels

One funny thing about the ‘barut perut’. Huhu..actually..it is in our tradition that babies should be wearing the barut perut as soon as he or she is born into this world. Like my maktok said ‘takut masuk angin..kembung perut’ and etc. I remember one time when mak and darling husband brought aqil to see his paediatrician to check for his level of ‘kekuningan’ huhu..the doctor asked my mother ‘why did you have to put on this barut perut?’ so my mother told him about how that was the way things go for newborns..back since she herself had us..so..the doctor answered ‘i’m sorry but i want this thing to be taken off..angin tak masuk ikut pusat..pusat takde lubang..kalau angin nak masuk pun..angin boleh tembusi kain barut ni..babies should be wearing diapers only..’ adeh..memang kalah with his explanation..balik rumah cuba tak pakai barut..and yess..my son kembung sekejap..menangis tak selesa..kebetulan atau tak..i don’t know..huhu.. so..we as Malay mothers..let’s just follow the ‘rule’ hehe..and actually..i didn’t make any new barut perut as i was using my own barut perut when i was a baby..yes..my mom tempah khas and it was still in the best condition after 26 years!!kain putih bersih takde tompok2 or whatsoever..i was really impressed and touched huhu..and kain lampin..i bought a few just in case..and i used it for bathing the baby..before b athing..after i took his clothes and diapers off i would wrap him in kain lampin and took it off when bathing him..after bathing only i wrapped him in the towel..

So: to summarize-

‘barut perut’ : 5 to 10 pieces (bare in mind that during the day or night you may have to change the barut perut quite a few times especially when the baby mengalami ‘kebocoran’ dalam dua keadaan:pupi&wiwi..hihi)

Lampin : 5 pieces or one set

Towel : 2 to three (these are to washed selang two days macam tu after being used..huhu..babies need good hygiene!

Milk Bottles

The amount : well, basically..we’ll need two..one of the medium size (for milk) and another the smallest in size (for plain water)..two is enough especially when you are brestfeeding..but if you cannot provide enough breast milk for your baby..have two bottles for formula milk..as for me..i had quite a few as i asked my sister who was in the uk to buy some..and i also bought some here..huhu..but basically..as a start..two or three is enough..

Breast pumping

Okay..this is actually one of the things that i quite regret..we did bought a breast pump..but not a good one..one reason that my milk got dried out quickly was because i went to my induction course when aqil was 4 months old..and for me..if i had a good breast pump set i’d be able to pump my milk in the right way and my milk won’t dry up..so..for all mummies to be..buy good sets of breast pump machine huhu..insyaAllah..for my next baby..i will buy good ones..they even have milk bottles, bags, mini freezer and containers in one set together with the pump..

Brands for the above

For bottle..i so love AVENT bottles because of the big surface size where it is easy for you to scoop in the powdered milk..and the bottle susah nak jadi keruh..if you buy a set you will get two small sized and two large sized bottles including the bottle brush and a few nipples..die punye nipples banyak jenis untuk disesuaikan dengan umur and keadaan baby kita..it is up to us to suit them according to our baby..like my aqil..i am using nipple number two..if number 3 or 4 terlalu laju pengaliran susu for him..huhu..but always be reminded..mother’s milk is the best!!huhu..(my heart ache when thinking of my ‘disability’..i’m gonna do better for my other kids insyaAllah..)..and there’s also Tommy Tippee..etc..and if you are using brands like anakku ke pureen ke please buy a different type of putting untuk botol susu tu for newborns..the brand is PIGEON where milk or water will only come out if it is sucked by the baby..this is to elakkan baby tersedak which is very dangerous for newborns huhu..for breast pump ade Medela, Avent pun ade...make the best choice okay..tak rugi..it can be used for a long duration of time..

Cloth Diaper vs disposable Diapers..

Ini satu lagi benda yang i regretted huhu..i only found out about cloth diapers several months after i have given birth to aqil..so now..at this juncture of time..i am buying the CDs for my aqil..just bought two and the inserts from an online shop..CDs are more environmental and they can save cost untuk jangka masa panjang huhu..they are so awesome!!!so mommies to be..i suggest that you go for CDs..you will be pregnant for 9 months so buy a CD per month and you’ll have enough CD by the time you have your baby..no need to buy disposable diapers anymore!!Visit lunatots or other sites which offers the best price for cloth diapers!

Baby cot

Well..emm..i bought one and it can be turned into a single bed (the left and right panel can be taken off) when the our baby can sleep on his own without falling off the bed. and it can be used at two levels..mase baby kecik2 boleh guna level yang paling atas..when our baby dah pandai panjat2 sume lower down to level yang paling bawah..for safety..Some people does not like to use cots as they prefer to sleep with their babies on their bed..i used to sleep with my aqil on the bed and my husband on another bed when but only until he was like 6 months macam tu..and then i let him sleep in his cot without no pillows. It is not advisable to put pillows for babies not until they reach the age of two. Now and then aqil will get up at night for his milk and since he handles and holds his bottle brilliantly by himself since a few months back..i would just wait until he finishes the milk and gets back to sleep. And lately i’ve been telling my husband that i wanted to take off the panels and train aqil to sleep on his single bed..unfortunately he said that aqil’s a baby..no..no..bukan masanya lagi..nanti jatuh tergoleh..jatuh tingkap macam baby dalam berita..(walaupun our house satu tingkat dan window tinggi dari paras lantan dan ada grill)..bla bla..he’ll go on and on and i surrender..adeh..kate adventurous =p

my aqil's cot from IKEA

Baby changing table

Yes..!for my next baby..i will buy a changing table..why and why and why...?because it hurts so much when changing your baby’s diaper or putting his or her clothes after bathing time..my back hurts so much kalau terbongkok aje sambil duduk..so..buy one for your own comfort..i started taking care of my baby masa dalam pantang lagi so these things penting untuk our body in the future..huhu..IKEA has a good one..

Baby stroller & Baby car seat & Baby sling

All of the above is a must for me..some people prefer the baby sling than the baby stroller..well to be truthful..i find both equally useful for me..i will use them according to suitability..and the baby seat plays a great role..travelling back and forth from Pahang to Kelantan to Kedah to Pahang again..aqil can sleep for 4 hours straight on his car seat when we are travelling..there is a wide range of brands that you can choose from..i planned to buy a ‘so cool and smart’ stroller for aqil but didn’t make it a dream come true as i had one as a baby gift..i bought the sling (which i prefer most of the time) in an online shop..and the car seat at a store here in Malaysia..easy peasy..

whoaa...quite a long list hihi..i learn a lot of things from my first baby..hopefully i can do better for my second one..huhu..

*ibu loves you aqil*

dining out with the girls

have put the little one to sleep..

am going out with my girlfriends..

middle earth here we come....!

the three of us

hehe..my only husband is back..owh..
on the day that he got back..only i realized..
how much i missed him..
and our aqil missed him too i guess..
tak berenggang dengan ayahnya..

the ting tong us

our one and only apple of our eyes..

*i love you both*

a lovely time with the girls

with my one and only along

along again

la la la

with my dearest afzan

my only beep

with dearest nurul

kami merasmikan katil dulu before pengantin hihi

with mcyan aka my beloved besan

papee sayang!!

 a sexy pose

a happy pose

a glee pose

the never ending pose

i've wanting to upload the pictures from my aifa's wedding dah lame..tapi tak terupload..so sekarang ni dalam mood rindukan my grilfriends and the time spent with them..i'd like to upload the pictures that i have taken with some of my girlfriends..yang lain tak dapat mengattendkan diri..hihi..but you guys are terribly missed okay..