tired+frustrated+sad

it's a very tiring week..tuesday was the only day which i get to relax myself..
all the feelings..got jumbled up..
why? i guess sometimes things are not fair..well..life's not fair..
can't wait for this coming holiday..
family time plus my best friend's wedding..yippie!
they are my world..they bring sunshine to me..
                 *hugs and kisses*


*notes to my aqil*
sorry sayang..ibu makin kurang masa dengan aqil..
i'll make it up with a walk in the park later okay..you and me..
                        *kisskiss*

aqil's life vs my own life

*aqil at the age of 8 month*

*loves to climb up our body..and when he is standing..he'll jump up and down while holding onto us..
*loves watching 'dibo the gift dragon', 'barney', 'thomas and friends' and 'wordworld'
*seorang penggeli di bahagian ketiak..when i tickle him he'll laugh his heart out..
*loves sleeping on my shoulder..and sometimes we have to purposely sit with him in the car to make him sleep because he sleeps easier when there is an aircond..adeh..
*enjoys his ride in the car..he'll be in his car seat and menikmati every moment..except when he has a bad mood..hehe..
*loves playing with flowing curtains..
*loves playing chasing ants on the floor while crawling hehe..

*aqil's ibu at the age of 27*

*is getting fatter day by day and in fact..i am now at the heaviest weight ever!uwwaaaa
*sometimes very serabai..time ade mood aje baru dress up..huhu..
*stamina sangat low..letih memanjang adeh..
*can't stop thinking about aqil 24/7
*loves aqil so much
*loves being with aqil..
*wants to be there for aqil..always..insyaAllah..
*wants to give aqil the best of things in life..

*loves aqil so much (once again and again and again)..



my life does change after having my baby aqil..a lot..but at times..i do have my own 'me time'..and everytime i am having the 'me time'..i can't stop thinking about my aqil..thanks to my abang..he always understands and let me have my 'me time' with my girlfriends or my siblings..or just me..huhu..i do need that sometimes..whatever it is..i am not sad..don't feel any regret..for all the changes..(except for the getting fatter part uwaaa)..because i..have..my own..aqil..hehe..muah2!

the continuation

*nearly 7 p.m, 6.30 something gitu*
the pain dah selang seminit setengah..all of us..mak ayah ayuni aiman and my abang semua tgk jam kira mase..haha..looking back..it was fun huhu..so we called the  nurse..she came and went to ask the doctor and she came back once again bringing a wheel chair.."it's time..jom masuk labour room" she said..so i got on the chair..feeling excited haha..i finally get to see my baby wi..on our way to the labour room..i smiled to everyone who i came upon huhu..in fact...as i was getting onto the bed..a lovely makcik..the mother of a patient (besides my labour room who's been in the labour room since 4 p.m) came to see me said "oloh..buleh senyum lagi" hihi..my abang helped me to put on my labour baju hihi..he didn't say anything..he just smiled to me..oh i can see that he was scared hehe..me too..but the excitement was overwhelming..apelah adlina ni..huhu..then ayah and abang stood on both sides of my bed..untuk teman me..huhu..i love you ayah and abang..mak and ayuni and aiman went back home to settle things..the pain came and went..and it grew stronger..i never stopped reciting surah nabi nuh and a few ayat suci Al-quran yang mak and kawan2 mak pesan suruh hafal..huhu..then azan maghrib..abang went out to pray first..then i asked ayah "what about kaklong ayah?" ayah said "kaklong boleh hormat waktu. solat sambil baring.."..Alhamdulillah..dalam kesakitan i managed to pray..semoga Allah menerima solatku dan akan ku qadakkan nanti..huhu..

*8 something p.m*
earlier..the doctor injected something after i got on the labour bed..at that actually made me sleepy..when the pain attacked,i'd wake up..then when it reduced i'd doze off..the nurse said it was to sustain my energy..i'll automatically wake up when the pain was there..then the pain grew stronger and stronger..it was like senggugut yang teruk+cirit birit yang teruk..memulas2..but up to that moment i only look at ayah and abang and whisper "ayah sakit..abang sakit.."then ayah said "sabar sayang..ingat Allah.."and right form the start,i could see ayah never stopped saying his prayers while standing beside me..and abang..his face was pale and he kept saying sabar sayang sabar sayang and never let go of my hand..and hugged me everytime i told him it was painful huhu..then isya's came and at that moment the pain was unbearable..dah tak boleh nak hormat solat isya' dah..before this i could hear the nurses saying to themeselves "bagusnya patient ni.senyap aje senyum aje"..but now..i started telling to the nurse (i forgot to mention but while i was in the labour room, right from the start, there was always a nurse with me rubbing my legs chatting with me and ayah and abang telling me that it's gonna be allright..thank you kak..although your rubbing did not reduce the pain but thank you for being there ;)) "kak..sakitnyo kak..tak tahan dah ni.."

*9 something p.m*
before this..the nurses pesan kalau rase macam nak terpupi and terwiwi cakap..cause that means it was time to push huhu..and now..yes.. i felt like 'pupiing' so much..the kakak asked me to lie on my side..at that time i was holding to abang until his collar went loose..i pulled his shirt to show him how painful it was..all i remember at that time was how painful it was..aduh..sakit..

*9.30 p.m*
the doctor came in and she was suprised to see that i was 9cm dialated.."wan..it is time"..she said..and they said something about "tak semestinya yang sakit dulu beranak dulu"..maybe they were referring to the kakak besides my room..huhu..then..the doctor and the nurses(there were 4 of them with me, ayah had to go out dah..and he is with ayuni just outside the room which is like less that 5 metres away from me which abled them to hear everything that was going on inside and mak went further because she could not stand listening to my ouch ouch hehe and she was crying because she kesian me..mak..i love you..)..taught me the right way to push..(which i did not really master up till the baby came out haha)...then there were words of encouragement from the nurses and the doctor.."allahuakbar..allah..allah..adlina boleh buat..cepat adlina cepat kesian baby..salah push tu salah lagi lagi..tahan nafas tahan nafas..and everytime i felt the contraction coming which meant that it was time to push..i'd be like "okay doctor okay doctor boleh dah boleh dah" and the doctor would "okay wan come on wan" and i pushed and pushed and when the baby still did not come out i would ask the doctor "doctor betul dah ke cara saya push" and after that everytime i've pushed i would ask the same question to the doctor..sampai doctor dengan nurses macam nak tergelak..patient banyak cakap hehe..and i remembered the final time i pushed i could feel the most unbelievable pain down there..macam terkoyak perit pedih sume ade..and then the doctor said 'doktor nak gunting sikit ni wan' and i felt the 'krapp' and the blood mengalir and i pushed and i pushed and i went blank..

*10.24 p.m*
i went unconcious for a few seconds..yes..hehe..pushed too hard i guess hehe..i came back into reality bile doctor panggil "wan wan this is your baby..look at him look at him"..and she put the my baby onto my chest..wah..that was beautiful..and.."sayang..anak kite dah keluar sayang isk sik"..haha..my abang was crying sampai teresak besides me..wah..that one was another beautiful moment..everytime i ungkit kat die..he'd just smile and touch my hand..huhu..i love you sayang..and later mak and ayuni came running in..and we cried and hugged each other..and ayah..hehe..he did not come in to see me..but instead he went staright near to the nurse who was cleaning up aqil..to see his grandson..hehe..i love you ayah..

and the pain or whatsoever that we had to go through after that..jahitan (sakit mase nak bius but after that tak rase ape2 dah..don't worry soon to become mothers..hehe..) time tarik uri..time doktor korek darah2 beku..those things..kite dah tak kisah..rase sakit..tapi rase lega and bahagia dah melampaui segala2nya..alhamdulillah..thank you Allah for giving us the opportunity to feel all this..amin..

and up until now..my darling muhammad aqil..never fails to delight us..with every little move..every little giggle..every little gestures of love..below are some of aqil's habits which my abang and i love about him so much..
*now his way of kissing me is by sucking my face sampai merah
*he loves to hug and being hugged huhu..
*he loves to giggle out loud..
*he loves to say out syllables yang bunyi macam Allah Allah..
*when he cries because of pain he'll reach out his hands to me and say 'ibu ibu'..in a baby talk way..huhu..this..i love the most..
*he loves books but not to read but to be read out to him (especially when we make funny noises while reading him a story) and he loves eating them..so we bought him a soft book from ikea and he loves it so much! (worth the price*winkwink*)
*he loves his mr libby and mr deerie so much
*he loves playing with his toys when it is play time..
*he loves oranges and tak boleh tgk orang makan..mesti buat muka kesian..
*he loves to ride in cars and go somewhere..melancong jalan2..macam his ibu..hehe..
*he loves his bathing time..he loves to play with water..kalau time mandi..bukak aje baju..kalau mood tak berape elok terus berubah jadi happy sangat2 sampai terlompat2..so yesterday we bought him a small pool..very cute and educational siap ade tower2 lagi..by 'toys r us'

hehe..alhamdullillah..am living a blissful life with my abang and my aqil..my two heroes..and i'm their queen..hehe..amin..

crawling aqil

alhamdulillah..finally..he crawled yesterday..my other hero is getting bigger so fast..felt that it was just yesterday that i was holding a smaller him in my arms..so today..i would like to share my experience in the process of giving birth..to my little aqil..literally..err because he was quite big when he came out..hehe..

so this would be like the continuation of the admission thingy hehe..

*monday - 1st of June, 4.30 a.m*
i got up early..as usual..because it was hard to sleep soundly when you have the biggest tummy ever..there's the back pain..and the little pain here and there in those parts below..did my solat tahajud, solat taubat and solat sunat..and recited the Al-Quran..Alhamdulillah..i felt scared but was at ease and felt peaceful everytime i prayed to Allah s.w.t. Amin..today is IT. Before this..during my final trimester..i've always been scared..anticipating the pain..what would it feel like..how long do i get to experience the pain before my baby comes out..but to day..i knew that i'll be feeling the pain..and i would see the baby..it's only the matter of how long will i be in pain..and how would i deliver the baby..would it be a normal one..or needed extra help or even an operation huhu..

*7.00 a.m*
i walked around the house..here and there..and did a little laundry..washing a few more baby's clothes which ayuni just brought back home yesterday..moktok and abang were watching the TV..mak and ayah went out and i couldn't remember where they went to..ayuni and aiman were still sleeping i think..and that morning.,.i didn't talk as much as i used to..did some ironing..packing things up and checking up once again..and i sat down.feeling my heart beat.going faster.

*7.45 a.m*
it was time..i hugged and kissed maktok..felt like crying huhu..moktok was teary eyed but didn't cry..mak and abang went with me first..adik2 and ayah went later..i'm still quite quiet on the way huhu..

*8 something a.m*
arrived at the medical centre..registered and a nurse guided us up to my room huhu..getting into the room gave a me a funny feeling..there was already breakfast on the bed..the aircond and the tv was on..the nurse asked whether i wanted to eat anything else or needed other things..i said thank you and got on the bed..huhu..

*9 something a.m*
it grew very 'happening' now in the room..my brother and sister and abang were chatting about things which i could not remember..huhu..i joined their conversation here and there..and then the doctor came..'wan, it's time to insert the inducing medicine..huhu..she asked a nurse to pull the curtains..asked me to lie down and pulled my kain up..she put on her gloves..and began 'going into it'..huhu..and yes..it hurts..sakit and sengal huhu..i nearly wet my eyes..but i kept telling myself this is nothing..it's gonna hurt much more later..so i just smiled and thanked here when she was done..and the nurss strapped a mechanical item on my tummy and there's a large
 machine by my side..it was something to detect my contractions and a mchine which was producing a loud sound was used to listen to my baby's heart beat..so the loud sound was my baby's heart beating..beautiful..
then ayah had something to be done in the college..and mak and adik mea went to the airport to fetch my suna and her kids..and i was left with my cool abang and bubbly ayuni..and then we ordered McD..and talked..and watch the tele and yet there was no pain..langsung takde kesan ke ubat tu..ish..

*12 something p.m*
two nurses came in to check whether i'd experienced any contractions..and the reading was takde sangat..
Nurse 1: la..kenape takde contraction langsung ni..
Nurse 2: Biarlah..tekde lah patient ni nak sakit..kalau tidak kesian die sakit..
Nurse 1: La..biarla patient sakit..cepat sikit beranak..
huhu..i giggled listening to them..and by this time i was talking a lot as usual..my abang kept taking pictures of me..mase nak lunch nak suap nasi (makan tetap berselera ya) pun die nak amik gambar..adeh..stress sedikit haha..

*2.30 p.m*
the doctor came to check..my uterus tak terbukak sangat..still 2 cm macam mula2 tadi..so..she decided to insert another capsule..and once again the pain was there..adui..huhu..

*5 something p.m*
And unexpectedly i still was not experiencing any pain..none..and the contractions..although ade yang mild tapi tak sakit huhu..the doctor came in once again..she checked the 'opening' and accidentally she poked something and my air ketuban came out like..err macam orang cuah air dari baldi..swushhhhh..and at the same time 'ngappppp' came the first contraction and i was like ouchh..is that what i think that is??a part of me was like yeay!!i'm on my way to see my baby hehe..and yes..it was painful..it came and went between 3 minutes..and at that moment..between the duration yang tak sakit tu..i can still joke around haha..sampai mak ayah adik2 and abang sume macam..biar betul kaklong ni haha..

to be continued...

a new start

 it has been a while..my life has been progressing a bit..

with a new man in my life..hehe..

my darling aqil..

will try posting updates about me..hu..

*hugs*